title: Relationship Dilema about an ex...?

Question

Me and My boyfriend recently had a argument about his ex girlfriend that he lives with (it’s a 10 person house share). What happened was he was talking to her about hairstyles and she asked him whether she could straighten his hair or not and he said she could.

After this he was on the phone to me and suggested whether it was okay for his ex to straighten his hair, even thou she had already done so by this stage. I said she wasn’t no and he agreed saying she wouldn't straighten his hair.

A day later I saw his hair straight and he said that before the conversation between me and him, she had already straightened his hair and I was extremely angry because not only did he lie about it, it’s well known that she still has feelings for him.He says it’s not a big issue but I think it is. He dismisses it as just a girl straightening his hair...whereas I see it as an ex (baring in my mind she still has feelings for him) gettin her grubby little hands through my mans hair...wot do u think?

Answer 1

hair straightners u say? hmmm that reminds me of a story back to when i were a wee nipper, the fashion was alot different back then we didnt have "miniskirts" and "gum sheilds" we used 2 put onions over our belts as was the style at the time but they were very expensive, 50bees they would cost which by 2days standards dnt cost alot. "50 bees for a quarter" they'll say...coz quaurters had pictures of bumble bees on them as i was saying i was walkin down the street with my onion belt on as was the style at the time and i ran in2 a rather large person who was very menacing and tried 2 pick a fight with me of course back then if a challenge for a fight was thrown down you would have 2 accept so i took my onion belt off, well it was very expensive and i did not want 2 wait another 6months for me to gather another 50bees in order to buy a new onion belt which by then would have gone out of fashion. the fight had lasted diccity rounds, we had 2 say diccity back then cus of the french stealing the word "two" back wen i was diccity years old, oh i remember that day very well it was a hot sunny december afternoon yes back where i lived december was our summer and july was....also our summer i was born in a very hot place and during this hot day i was sitting around playing with my brand spanking new abicus and this french man walked up to me and told me he was taking the word "two" and we would have to use the word "diccity" well i was mighty angry of course and challenged him to a fight and back then if a fight was thrown down you could kindly back down and the french guy did mainly because i was diccity years old so the french man walked off with the word "two" and as i went to continue playing with my abicus i saw a cat and dog playing happily along together, cats and dogs used to get along with each other that was until i turned the cat against the dog but i'll save that story for another day the point is we had hair straightners back then, it was the best of times it was the blurst of times

Answer 2

personally I don't think this is a big deal. I think that he was asking you because he realized that if you found out you would have been upset...so in a way he could be doing it as a matter of showing you respect. Don't make this out to be a big deal, because it's not. He's with you for a reason and NOT her.

I do think that it's a bit unusual that they would be living in the same house - no matter how big it is. I'd be more concerned about that then I would the ex straightening his hair. I think that you should keep your guard up so you don't get hurt...you sound young and it already sounds like you guys have some trust issues (which I think you should considering his current living situation). I promise you that this will be one of many experiences you will have in the dating world. Though unusual, it's an experience. I'd work on getting him out of the house while she is there or finding a different person to hang out with.

Answer 3

I think you're reading too much into the situation, and if you show this amount of jealousy about his hair, and the fact that she does live under the same roof as him, then you're more liable to 'push them together' than doing the opposite.

He is trying to explain how he feels, and what happened and that all was innocent, but if he'd turned up with straightened hair and one of the other room-mates had told you how and why, he knows that you wouldn't have understood and react the way you have already..... and he was right, so he's on a no win situation whatever he does.

He obviously really thinks a lot of you, but you're playing right into his ex's hands... ease off, and be complimentary, and don't 'smother' him, or you'll loose him.

a friend x

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say this but I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna be honest. He doesn't care about you, not as much as you care for him anyway. I mean, look how upset you got, look at the journey you made to apologise. Then he tells you he needs to think about it and that he GOT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!! Wow, harsh. He's honestly not worth it, in my opinion he only wants you for one thing, and if the relationship does mean alot to him, then he's a bad way for showing it, if he was upset as you for being dumped then he wouldn't of gone out and hooked up with someone else. That isn't what you do really is it. I think you know all this, you just don't wanna believe it. I think you need to let him deal with it from here. You'll soon know if he does wanna be with you. Let him come and tell you he wants to get back with you, don't ask him. x

Answer 5

IMO, it's a minor issue. He shouldn't have asked for permission if he had already done it. In his mind, it really is no big deal. I identify with that, because that's the way I am too. I remain friends with most of my ex's. Some of them even still have feelings for me. I'm not going to be accountable for someone elses feelings and neither should your boyfriend. I don't think I would live with my ex though, and I'm sure I wouldn't allow myself to be in a questionable situation with my ex that still liked me, and hopefully your bf wouldn't either.

Your bf is with you now, not her. You have to trust your bf and be secure in your relationship. Sure you can be a little upset because he asked for permission after the fact and didn't get it. He just didn't think before he acted because he didn't htink it was going to be a big deal. It sounds like he's sorry that it was a big deal and understands your pov now. there's no need to brow beat the guy over it. Simply ask him to understand your POV, let him know that you trust him and that's why you love him. Then move on. :)

I'm sure your bf appreciates a little jealousy too, just don't let that turn into spiteful or controlling behavior.

Answer 6

He shouldn't have done it & then asked if it was ok to do it, but going on past experience most guys biggest fault is 'not thinking' first. As to how big an issue it is, he is your boyfriend now & she is an 'ex' for a reason no matter what she may think.

Answer 7

A 10 person house share? Are they poor college students?

Does he still have feelings for her? I'd be more worried about that than if she still has feeling for him, unless you really don't trust him. Maybe that's what's really going on...you don't trust him.

Otherwise, I think you should forget about it, except to tell him that if he lies to you, you're going to dump him.

Answer 8

Tell him to move out. Lock him in your cellar and use him as your slave. Then nobody will get their grubby little mits on him.

Answer 9

it sounds like you don't trust him. Why is he still living under the same roof as her? Can you not move in with him?

Answer 10

Maybe he has feelings for her to. Sorry but it is possible.