Is it wrong to date when your still married and your husband went transgendered and left you?

Question

I have been dating and going out partying with other men ever since my husband left a year ago. He came home from work in a foriegn country with the first stage of transgender reassignment. Is it wrong that I have started to rebuild my life even though we are not divorced yet? I'm sure he expects me to pay for divorce but I don't think so. I get a lot of flack from my family, who think that just because I'm 52, I should stay home. Still crazy after all these years and for the first time in 25 years I'm having a good life time.

He just sprung this on me as well as telling me that he was putting arsenic in my water, telling me that no one would find it unless really looked hard because ten years earlier I underwent chemotherapy for stage three breast cancer. On the day he showed me his change, he left me at an amusement park. He took my glasses and cell phone with him. I didn't have but one dollar in my wallet, he would never give me any money since he returned from Iraq. It was nightfall and this park was miles from the city. There were no phones working at the park and it was closing. Women get killed in this part of the desert all the time, as drug dealers use it as a crossing point. I didn't understand it. I'd be willing to bet he has a large life insurance policy on me, as my doctors told us that I may not live to much longer, as I developed uncontrolable hypertension that would soon lead to vascular dementia. I'm moving on as we can never be one again. He won't pay for divorce, he didn't pay for muchelse

Answer 1

First things first. Get the divorce.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say you're wrong; you must do what you feel is right, and I won't criticise you for that, but I do find it sad.

Although it's very common, I'm still saddened every time I hear of a transsexual woman's marriage breaking down, usually at the time she needs support the most.
And I DO understand the hurt and betrayal you're feeling; my wife went through the same feelings, but together we worked it out.

Are you so sure that you can't stay together? She's still the same person you married, she's just coming to terms with who she really is. You have shared lives and experiences that surely mean something.
If that's not possible, can't you come to some amicable agreement?

Answer 3

Just don't be doing all the partying because you're avoiding or running away from the issue, Bottom line - you're still married and need to deal with that legality.
No doubt your spouse was terrified and couldn't tell you. Take a look from his perspective about how awful he must have felt as well.
If you have children you two need to find some kind of friendship or civility somehow.
In the meantime, of course, have fun, but do the right thing too.

And if you haven't already watched it, rent TransAmerica, with Felicity Huffman - a great movie about a trans gendered man. It's a lovely story that might help put things in perspective for you.

Answer 4

If he came home and just sprung this transgender stuff on you, you are certainly entitled to seek a life for yourself. Hon, 52 isn't dead and it sounds like you know this. You don't owe this "husband" a thing and let him deal with the divorce issues unless you want to. If he has actually changed his id to female and you live in a state that bars same sex marriage it is possible to ask the court to annul the marriage.

Answer 5

I applaud the fact you are whooping it up. It sounds like you deserve some fun.

Legally it is wrong. You are married still so going out with other people is adultery and your husband could use it against you if he wanted to sue you for alienation of affection and collect alimony from you. Hopefully he's not that sort of a guy/girl. But, play it safe and get it legal.

Answer 6

No, it's not wrong. In your circumstances, the marriage is definitely permanently over and there is no hope of a reconciliation. Have some fun, but get the divorce sorted as well. You may meet someone on your travels whom you want to settle with.

Good luck x

Answer 7

First of all your husband is the one who ruined the marriage. He should of been upfront and told you that he wanted to dress like a woman and possibly become one. I am sure this is quite a shock to you. I say you would be wasting your time waiting for him to do the divorce. Go out start having fun.

Answer 8

i do no longer think of I examine all of it, i'm fantastically specific I in simple terms skipped to the tip and develop into thoroughly puzzled by employing the finishing and desperate that it wasn't nicely worth examining all of it to confirm the way it began. heavily i think of you're an fool for asking human beings what toddler-mama you ought to be with. for sure any female you won't be able to be thoroughly trustworthy with isn't one you might have an entire relationship with. once you're nevertheless waiting to play all of them, no determination will experience like the ideal determination. And as quickly as you're making a decision, you will would desire to harm the others in contact. you would be able to desire to confirm what you're able to do to make the information much less sh*ty, so as which you will stay in the lives of all of the babies you have forged into the international. this is probable extra substantial than what woman you go with.

Answer 9

yes its wrong if still married .when i got married we both paid for our own lawyers the sooner you get it over the better cause as long as married he can at anytime show up and come back in nothing you can do to stop it. get it over with and move on then. and to hell with the family no one should sit home im 45 and having the time of my life starting over . you go girl just get the divorce soon. good luck and keep having fun

Answer 10

Get the divorce in order, so he can't attempt to use that against you in court.