It was the hardest thing i had to ever do in my life. I am dealing with it the best that i can right now. We have this one couple who we knew for about 2 yrs. now and when they heard what happened, they did not call us to see how we were doing, and i just saw them last night for the first time and when they walked into my home, not even "im sorry, how do you feel" nothing, as if nothing happened to us. I feel very bitter towards them. I really do not care for them at this point. Am i right to carry these hard feelings towards them. I figured your friends will be there, but not them. No acknowledgement of what happened, no phone call when it happened.
2007-12-27 09:10:20 · 21 answers · asked by GQ69 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry to hear that
2007-12-27 09:13:24 · answer #1 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It's hard to say why they acted the way they did.I understand what you are going through.I have been there and through that.You need to let go of your anger for them.Because you will soon realize its not them you are made at.It is the world in general you are angry at everyone and everything from God right on down.You have to let go of the anger or it will eat you alive.I understand it was only a week ago.And it feels like it just happen a minute ago.But it does get better I promise.I went through it ten years ago and back then I seriously debated eating the barrel of my gun on a daily basis.But with time it gets easier.I am not saying you won't have bad days its a decade later and somedays I just sit and cry over my little girl I lost.And I underster the whole friends not acting right.All ours did was either give us that crap that is must have been gods will or they avoided us all together.And then showed up months later like nothing happened.They claimed they didn't know what to say to us.Please take care of yourself.Lean on your spouse to help see you through this and remember they are going through the same thing.And if need be get grief counseling dont let this tragedy do anymore damage to your health and well being than it already has.
2007-12-27 09:41:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are unsure how to respond to a situation like that. Perhaps they were afraid that bringing it up would cause you pain. Perhaps they have mixed feelings about the situation, and are afraid they may say the wrong thing. Or maybe they are just jerks.
The point is, try to assume the best intentions until you know otherwise. Also realize that there will be a tendency for you to take the hurt you feel and transfer it to others in the form of anger and rage. You may unconciously be inclined to find offense where none is intended as away to vent the incredible emotions you are now feeling.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I sincerely hope you don't allow the loss of your child to cause you to lash out and lose more people in your life.
Prayers and best wishes to you and your husband.
2007-12-27 11:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you had to end your pregnancy. I can't begin to imagine how painful that must be for you both.
I suspect your friends had no idea how painful it is either. They were so uncomfortable with the pain that perhaps they couldn't even bring it up. It looks like you interpreted this as uncaring on their part. I suspect they just didn't know what the heck to do. It is such a sad thing and they know that there is nothing at all they can do to alleviate your pain. Only time will heal this wound. I think you will have to help them by breaking the ice on this subject yourself. I'm sure they don't want to make you feel worse; they are just clueless about how to proceed.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
2007-12-27 09:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by krinkn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have gone through the same thing several years ago. It's rough, but it's your process to deal with as you need. You can't expect others to serve up a platter of empathy because they probably don't handle these things in the same way.
I feel for you and if you were my friend I would have certainly offered support in a different way, but I have a few friends who would have reacted (and did react) like the couple you mentioned. I'm still close to those people.
Don't despair though. After a rough aborted mission, we now have two awesome boys. Just try to channel your energy into good stuff and not alienating your friends.
2007-12-27 09:19:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jasone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were in the same situation yrs ago, I hadn't heard from my one friend in so long she didn't even know about the baby, we were pregnant at the same time, then later I had to have a kidney transplant, she knew about it but never called me or came by then we saw her in the grocery store and I was very cold to her, still we never were friends after that, but maybe in your situation the people just didn't know what to say and didn't want to upset you, it can be very hard for people to express their feelings, don't lose a friendship over it just give them some time, that is want it seems they are doing for you.
2007-12-27 09:19:52 · answer #6 · answered by Beth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people do not know how to handle other people grief. Trust me I know from losing both Parents at the age of 9. You can be doing ok then all of a sudden here someone comes saying how sorry they are. And here you go again depressed.
Give them a break and if it ok to talk about it talk to them. That way ot opens the door for them to know that they can talk to you.
Good luck and I am very sorry for your loss. I ahve been there twice but I am now a mother of 4! Good Luck
2007-12-27 09:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by Sexy PR Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for what you had to go through. All of us have enough fair weather friends and hard times are always the best time to find them. Also, maybe they really just don't know what to say. Or don't want to bring it up in fear of upsetting you. Call and have a talk to your girlfriend.. If she's really good friend to you, usually, call her and tell her you want to talk. I don't know really. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are in good health now. Do you know for sure that they did hear what happened? And did they hear it from a reliable source?? Just some things to consider.
2007-12-27 09:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by pcchocoholic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so hard on them.
Most people are at a loss about what to say and how to say it in a situation like this.
They probably thought if they mentioned it, you might fall apart and get hysterical or something.
Another thing--how can you be 100% SURE they even know about it?
If you are very close to the couple, maybe drop a line to them, explaining how hurt you were. At least you will clear the air. Friends are hard to come by...no sense losing them over a misunderstanding.
2007-12-27 09:17:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. That is a bit silly of them. You might find that people don't mention such things a) because they think its a private matter for you b) they don't want to remind you by bringing it up c) they feel socially inadequate and don't know what the hell to say. I think just leave it. You are feeling terrible right now and nobody is going to improve it. It would of course be nice to have your sadness confirmed and your situation verified but a great number of people will have no real idea about what you are going through. You need to have compassion firstly for yourself, and then for the ignorant masses!
2007-12-27 09:18:24 · answer #10 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well there is a lot of people that are out there that dont deal with the loss of things/people. some people have different ways of dealing with it. I think that you might just want to blow it off like one of the other people said the might not have wanted to make it worse. well i hope that you will feel better because i know how you feel and i am sorry to hear about your loss.
2007-12-27 09:21:36 · answer #11 · answered by lissadj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋