What happened to commitments in relationships?

Question

We are having some problems in my family with my two sister's. One sister has been married 3 times, and soon to be divorced again! And my younger sister is filing for divorce also after 11 years because she say's not enough intimate times. Never mind the home he built (2 times for her)! Both sister's have 3 children, but complain the passion is missing(working 60 hours per week will take away alot of passion). Now I have been married going on 17 years, and yes THE PASSION is not always there! But, your history together, your children, and extended family, are all thrown away! I think we sadly have become such a throw away society anymore and very selfish, instead of selfless! How do you married couples like me and my wife feel? Is there a total commitment really exist anymore?

Answer 1

My parents were committed. To a giant white hospital in the "quiet" wing...no, really; people are no longer as committed as they used to be. My parents were married 34 years. Until Dad passed away. You're right. People grow up, they grow older and their priorities change with the family and the finances. It's hard to take time for the romance and passion, but passion is still there, just in a slightly different sense. He is passionate about the home he built for his wife and family. About his job and planning for everyone's future. It's women with that "me first gimmie gimmie" attitude that is the downfall of marriages all over the place.

Answer 2

Yes, commitment is missing in many marriages today. Not only do people rush into marriage before really knowing the other person, but they have an unrealistic view of what marriage is. They don't know how to work through hard times, and make the most of the good in the relationship. Nobody bothers to educate young people on how to a make marriage work, or that you even have to. Add this to the ease with which you can obtain a divorce, and the fact that women are more independent and it adds up to a lack of commitment on the part of many people. Sometimes I don't think you can't really blame them, they just don't know what else to do.

Answer 3

Yes! Total commitment DOES exist. I've been with my DH since I was 17. We will be together 25 years next September. We've had more bad times than good, not because of who we are, but because of things that have happened to us--and through it all, passion or not, we are staying committed and together. It's what we promissed each other on our wedding day in front of God and our families. The decision to split doesn't only impact 2 people... it impacts everyone around them, including the children we've committed together to raise to be happy and healthy. What legacy do we leave our children when we teach them it's ok to turn your back on someone you loved enough to marry?

That said, I DO NOT believe that women (or men for that matter) should stay in abusive relationships (mental, physical, sexual, whatever....) Loss of passion is one thing (and after all, that ebbs and flows now doesn't it?) But the loss of a life or a soul is another thing entirely....

Answer 4

I think what you asked is great. I have been married for 11 years. I am like you the passion is not always there. But I love my husband. That is what is wrong with everybody. If they are not getting what they want then they throw it away in hopes in getting something better. Not me, I will hold on and try to make things better. There are alot of tempting things that go on in this world now, that I do not think people really stop to smell the roses anymore. they just throw them to the side and get new ones.

Answer 5

We sorta talked about this is my Sociology class this past semester. Basically a ton of people in the United States feel that relationships can only work if there is love and passion whereas other countries are more likely to stay in a relationship if it helps in other aspects like children, families connecting, support, etc. Your sisters are probably so caught up in the love aspect they don't understand what they are truly throwing away. There isn't much you can do for them because some people are so headstrung they refuse to listen. Just keep your marriage working and if something happens to one of them still be there as a brother and dont shun them because of mistakes.

Answer 6

I think it's sad how married people who start feeling not so happy in their marriage are quick to throw it all away to go onto the next marriage. I don't think married couples try hard enough to make it work. I am totally committed in my married. We hit a rough time last winter, but I hung in there and we are happier than ever now. He just about threw it all away and he woke up and realized what he was doing. Unfortunately, not everyone wakes up and realizes until it's too late.

Answer 7

I think that people give up on relationships way too easy. If couples would work through their issues, their relationships would be even stronger!! It's sad, but the divorce rate is so high. My mom is on her 7th marriage and I think that is the reason I am so committed to mine. I don't want to be like her or make the same mistakes she did. Marriage does require some work, but in my opinion it is so worth it!!

Answer 8

Yes, I agree with you 110%. It is sad for these children, isn't it? My ex son in law started cheating on my daughter when she was pregnant with their second child. However, it was three years later...and God only knows how many women before she found out, quite by accident. She insisted they go for couseling because she grew up in a very stable home (my husband and I are married going on 39 yrs....her both sets of grandparents lived past their 50th anniversaries, etc). Sad to say, my ex son in law wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too. He wanted to stay in the home, with my daughter and the children, but refused to give up his mistress...so, my daughter made the decision for him, kicked his sorry butt out the door. He is now married to the woman he cheated with, they had a kid in July, but do you really think they are happy? He now is acting toward this woman like he did my daughter. Once a cheat, always a cheat. She is better without him.

Answer 9

I still believe it does and thank you for proving me right. However, it's completely rare. Things have gotten so quick and easy in society, a "microwave" culture, that we expect relationships to be like that. Totally unrealistic, of course, since no one is perfect. Sadly, we seem to forget that part...

Answer 10

Yes total commitment still is there, and you are a good example of that. I think that sometimes people do what they know, what I mean is your sisters don't know how to be committed, its odd to them, like cheating would be odd to you.