My friend and I have been best friends for over 17 years. At Christmas and Birthdays we exchange gifts. Every year, I put a lot of thought into these gifts. I don't spend a fortune, usually around $20 for each her and her husband. I can't say that she does the same. Last year for my birthday, we went out to brunch with a $100 gift certificate that I received, and I had to pick up the rest of the tab... (Appx. $75)This year, as we exchanged gifts a few nights before Christmas, I opened her gift to me to find a $3 candle. She gave my husband a $2.97 bottle of cheap wine... This friend is a professional and b/w her and her husband, they bring in well over $100k per year. My husband is retired from the military, and I make a fraction of what she does... I know that it's the thought that counts, but this doesn't show me that she thinks very much of our friendship. What should I do? I'm tired of being taken advantage of!
2007-12-27 07:58:38 · 50 answers · asked by No Wino 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Really Classy, Classy Lady...
2007-12-27 08:25:27 · update #1
Taken advantage of??? Please you have a good friend right? Just remember that next year when you are buying there gifts, you probably do not know there financial problems...
2007-12-27 08:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by jmelee85 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the size or type of gift will define your relationship. Are you really willing to say that 17 years of friendship is worth getting upset over the gifts that you all give each other. Just because someone makes a lot of money doesn't mean they HAVE a lot of money. I was watching a show where a doctor, who makes $300,000 a year, was desparately waiting for his next check because his account was overdrawn by $15!! He gets like $8,000 per check!
Anyway, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Why not just start lowering your amount down to like $10 or something. But don't let something like the type of gifts someone gives you affect the friendship.
2007-12-27 08:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So are you saying you would have preferred to get an $8 candle and a $9 bottle of wine? Is the issue the gifts or the price of the gifts?
If it's the gifts, then thank your friend for remembering you at Christmas and give her some suggestions next year when the time comes.
if it's the price of the gifts that bother you, then you are ungrateful and missing the entire spirit of Christmas.
2007-12-27 08:02:06 · answer #3 · answered by kja63 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
suggest that next year you don't exchange gifts.
Don't give them something cheap, your better than that.
And for you people that are being rude, she's not shallow. It's not the actual gift thats the problem. Its the fact that they didn't take the time to think of what her friend would like. It's never about the gift, its about the thought they put into it. A crappy candle took no thought and was probably something she had around her house or re-gifted herself.
But seriously, theres no appropriate way to approach her on this. Not with out losing your dignity. Just suggest that you don't do it next year. Go out to eat and SPLIT the tab instead
2007-12-27 08:01:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
The real gift is friendship .That all year you are there for eacother and help eachother, for 17 years this friendship has probally seen alot, She does not love you any less by her gift
I have many friends and a couple really close friends and I really don't care what they give me for christmas, I get them what i can afford and they know my love is there anytime
Be happy with your gift But most of all the gift God has given you in the life long friend you have found
2007-12-27 08:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by Hulagirl96734 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Evidently you don't know that it's the thought that counts, b/c if you did you wouldn't be complaining. Glad you're not a friend of mine. You're basting your friendship on how much money she spends, that's really what you're doing. She not taken advantage of your friendship, you just have a tendency to spend more then she does. Get over it. or spend less. What a person spends on a damn gift, shouldn't tell whether or not their a good friend, bad, or a somewhat friend etc **Going to have me a cocktail behind this **** here **
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. And by the way $20 for their gifts ain't no damn money. Now when you start spending $100.00 and over then you can say you spent some money.
2007-12-27 08:11:07 · answer #6 · answered by Classy Lady 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First off you sound like a selfish snob. Two, then buy her cheeper gifts! Three I dont think she is taking advantage of you, it sounds like you want to take advantage of her for not giving you what you would expect. Maybe she just likes to save her money.
I will however agree with you on the brunch with her leaving you the bill so just speak up the next time that comes up.
It's always the thought that counts, NOT the cost or what the gift is!!
2007-12-27 08:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by Sapphire 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmm...you should calmly talk to her. A possibility of something to say would be "Listen (insert name here), I really really liked your gift, and I really really love being best friends with you. I couldn't imagine life without you. But, sometimes I feel like you don't value our friendship as much as I do. I don't mean to sound shallow or greedy or selfish or anything, but your gift seemed a bit-- and I don't mean this in any bad way -- cheap. I know that I don't get you very expensive gifts either, but I do get you something worthwhile and decently-priced. I'm really sorry if I'm being selfish, but this is truly how I feel." NOTE: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE NO MATTER HOW SHE RESPONDS TO THIS. KEEP YOUR VOICE CALM AND DO NOT GET ANGRY NO MATTER WHAT. It will only make matters worse if you start yelling.
Hope this helped!
P.S. You can ONLY follow my advice if you are 100% sure of the cost of the candle and wine.
2007-12-27 08:18:28 · answer #8 · answered by splxspl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After 17 of friendship i know you had waaay more heated conversations and i know that your friendship has been tested more than once and her you are both still friends. So i would tell her that you dont think its fair she doesnt put in thought into your gift except the price. Tell her that you both should agree on the price range so no one will feel cheated and you can decide on the gift and not how much it costs.
2007-12-27 08:05:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe their financial situation isn't what it seems. This time of year, she may have over-stretched her means, and that might be about as good as she can do.
If she's giving cheap gifts to offend you, that's crazy. There are much better, easier and even cheaper ways to end or comment on a friendship than that.
I doubt very much there is some masked message in the gifts. Unless, perhaps you are a pyro and he's an alcoholic. (joke)
2007-12-27 08:03:15 · answer #10 · answered by Lochlain 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
After 17 years of friendship, you start to run out of good gift ideas...plus by this time you both probably have a million other people to buy for. Maybe it's time to just get together for a nice meal (dutch) and ditch the gift giving.
2007-12-27 08:13:28 · answer #11 · answered by geistswoman 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋