Divorce...is there any laws or ethic that I would get penaltized against us???

Question

Is it possible to file for divorce without informing the courts of the child. In other words I have a daughter and i just want to file for divorce so that my child would not be put in the system for child support or visitation rights and all that mess. We have a plan that works for both of us and i just don't wanna go throught that with her.

Answer 1

You are not being wise...atall! Your plan is working NOW. But your emotions are speaking instead of common sense, and that's a mistake that can bring you many tears and regrets, later.

Put her through all of what mess? She's a child...she should not be involved, especially if things are that great between you two that you were able to work out such an amicable agreement when you sat down and talked.

I've seen this same scenario play out many times over, but I've yet to see it end with: "and they lived happily ever after." If the father of your child is such an upstanding, upright, well-meaning gentleman, he will not object to having a child support order in place. If YOU were thinking straight, you wouldn't subject your child to an uncertain future.

Most times when men pay out of pocket, the woman only THINKS she's getting a good deal. 9 times out of 10 a court order is much more fair to both you and the child.

What happens when another female comes into his life and starts giving him grief about how her needs are just as important, if not moreso, than the money he's giving to you? (It's funny how clouded men and women's judgement can become and the support going to the child quickly deteriorates into "money that he is giving to his ex!" Or, what if he has kids with someone else? Or several someone else's? Or, he decides that he's tired of paying? Or you guys have a falling out and he decides that you don't deserve his money if you can't be reasoned with?

As I said, all is well with you two, now, but you can not foresee the future. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision and most of the time very, very painful vision.

Put your emotions aside and think clearly. If you guys didn't get along well enough to stay married, chances are that you're not going to get along so great in the future that you won't have some challenges. And when you do, I can promise you, the money that he is now so willing to pay will quickly become a major source of contention.

Think smart sister girl! If you enjoy sleeping well at night and stress free days, have the court order put in place. At least you'll have some recourse if situations and circumstances become not so friendly between you guys in the future. The only recourse you'll have if you make an emotional decision is: take lots of Anacin for your headache during the day, 2 Tylenol PM to help you sleep at night, Kleenex tissues on the dashboard or the seat beside you in the car as your cry your way to work, the supermaket and back home, and anger, because you're now pleading with him every month or so to do what he promised he'd do willingly, during better days.

PUT A COURT ORDER IN PLACE!! ASAP. And good luck! I'm rootin for you and trusting you to do the right thing for your child! The personal part of your relationship with him is for the most part, over. And "dis here" ain't personal....it's serious business.

Answer 2

No, your child has to be involved. You can, however, if the divorce is amicable, have an agreed order where visitation & support are "reserved" which mean the two of you make the arrangements without the court's assistance, or anything written in "stone"...however that is HIGHLY unadviseable - as in the future, if there are any disputes, you have no recourse. At the least, a custody agreement should be made with it being 50/50 - so there is no issue with child support, and the two of you agree to joint agreements on everything - and there is, for stabilities sake, a written agreement on who has the child when.

Answer 3

It really would be best to have something set up with a lawyer as far as visitation and child support. You and your ex are going to have disagreements at some point, and you'll wish to Heaven you would have gone through the courts. Yes, it works now, but what if he should start saying,"I pay too much for that kid" and stop paying?

My husband did what you and your ex are doing, but at one point his ex wouldn't let him see his son for a while. That battle went on for 2 years. My husband was finally awarded visitation. The one hurt the most as a result was my stepson.

Setting up child support and visitation really isn't that hard.

Answer 4

You don't have to have a court arranged or enforced visitation or custody. You can simply file for a divorce and move on and if things don't work out later you can go to court and get it worked out then. I would advise doing it now as things may seem ok now but in 2 years when he/she agers you or does something you don't like things will get ugly. Its best to have things in writing regardless of it working out as things/people change and when it comes to divorce it usually for the worse. But if you don't then i hope it works for you.

good luck.

Answer 5

You wont be doing your daughter any favors. If you cant get along well enough to stay married what makes you think that you will get along well enough after the divorce to keep up your "plan"? The courts are there to protect your daughters rights.

Answer 6

You can mediate any agreement you want. The agreement does need to be made legal and agreed upon by both parties. You do have to declare your intentions around your child in the agreement. If you have an agreement though that works for both of you I dont see the problem with making it legally binding?

Answer 7

You need to check that with an attorney. Not sure why you'd want to. Are you made of money?

Answer 8

Nope even YOU have to go according to law.