How do you know when your marriage is over?

Question

Is it better to stay together for my two son's sake?

Answer 1

It depends on how old they are. Kids can sense unhappiness and tension though. You should do whatever makes you and your spouse happy, and the kids will adapt. Just don't drag them through the mud and make them feel bad about it. Staying together just for the kids is not always a good idea, you will be sacrificing both your and your spouses happiness and that is definitely not good for the kids in the long or short run.

Answer 2

Is your marriage truly 'over' or are you and your wife going through a 'bad patch' right now? You have children, and children can be a HUGE STRESSOR on two people ... so it's UP TO YOU to decide what is right for BOTH of you (you and your wife) and also what is right for the boys ...
I'm a Catholic who has been married before (I became a Catholic after I had married my now husband, but still had to go through the whole 'annulment' process to become a Catholic) and both my husband and I believe in the idea that a good marriage should last 'forever and beyond.' What YOU need to do is decide whether that is the type of marriage you are in now ... and what your 'breaking up' could do to ALL MEMBERS as opposed to your 'staying together' and trying to work things out. Sit down with paper (a small pile of it, please) and start making pro/con lists (one on each side of the page) for each separate person in your family as well as for each 'group' (you and your wife ... the boys ... the four of you) ... and once you have done that, go away for at least four days, then come back, do the lists again, then four days later sit down and READ THEM THOROUGHLY ... that should give you a much better idea of your 'real options' here. If you can, talk your wife into doing the same thing, and after she has read her lists and considered her options, you can sit down and 'talk out' all of your choices in a reasonable adult manner, and can make a wiser decision. You may make the 'wrong choice' in the end ... but at least you will be making the 'best choice' based on 'reality' and not an 'emotional decision' that could be far worse for everyone involved.

Answer 3

You know. It is not better to stay for the kids sake, children pick up on these things more then we realise and how healthy can it be to grow up in a house where your parents don't love each other. It is a good thing to try and keep a relationship with the ex spouse, that way the kids don't feel to blame or get stuck in the middle of something that has nothing to do with them.

Answer 4

I agree with the answer that suggests that staying only makes things worse. If things are bad, your children will have already picked up on it. I speak from personal experience and it was the single most difficult decision I ever took but five years on my daughter is a well-balanced, normal child. Had her parents stayed together she would have grown up in a negative atmosphere, which would have been the only she knew - and therefore would have had this as her benchmark of normality. She was - and still is - after all, the one that matters.

If you have tried your very best to save your relationship then - with respect and apologies to those who have a different view - it might be best to draw a line under it.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

If you feel she is unfaithful or you have been unfaithful then it is over and separating is better for everyone. Never stay together for the sake of a child - you will all wind up miserable. If you feel there is hope for your relationship there are loads of counseling services that can be free or on a fee scale (many insurances actually cover counseling now). If you are just bored talk to your partner and see what changes can be made to make you all happier. Bottom line communication is key regardless if you stay together or break up. Good Luck!

Answer 6

It's unfortunate that you have kids involved in this situation, but no, you should not stay in a marriage for your kids' sake. You should stay in your marriage if you want to work it out. If you don't think it can be worked out, then you need to do what's best for you and just take the best care of those kids. Life is sometimes unfair and you can't make everyone else happy when you are in a bad situation. Things will work out.

Answer 7

When there is no love, no communication, no sexual desire and no hope...basically its over. Talk to your wife. It may just be a misunderstanding. Ive known miracles to happen from two people sitting down and being honest with each other. Even after years of unhappiness. Staying together for the children is an oxymoron. It will hurt them much worse in the long run.

Answer 8

You would not be doing your children any favors by staying in a situation where neither yourself nor your spouse is happy. Chances are that your children are just waiting for you to announce the news. If you remain in an unhealthy situation, you will only hurt everyone around you, including yourself.
If there is no longer love there, get out of the marriage. Thank you and GOD bless.

Answer 9

I'd say go to counseling and evaluate your feelings. If you feel like things could get better, then try to make them work. Marriage is not easy, and we all feel like bailing out when things get rough. That is why nobody should marry when they are very young!

But since you have kids, you need to think things over even more thoroughly...Sometimes a divorce is for the best; but if you leave you must be willing to pay the price- emotionally, physically, mentally and financially...- and that is never easy.

Take your time and don't rush. The last thing you want to do is hurt others- and yourself- unnecessarily. Please consider going to counseling and having a therapist give you insight and tips before you make a final decision. Good luck!

Answer 10

Any marriage is over when both parties decide to stop trying to make things work, and don't care about each others feelings anymore. If you two still love each other, then do whatever you can to help your marriage work, like counseling, or just communicating with each other about your feelings on your own. If you guys decide that you really happy, and don't care about being married then don't stay married just for your sons. You all will be unhappy.