How can I improve this sentence?

Question

So I was wondering if anyone knew how I could correct this opening sentence for a story I'm writing. Feel free to rearrange the words of add something in!
Thank-you for the help!

Sentence:

Celia was invisible, and when she wasn't, she often wished that she was.

Answer 1

"For the most part, Celia was an invisible person. So invisible, in fact, that whenever she experienced the rare occasion of becoming visible, she immediately yearned for that invisibility again."

Sorry if it's not good =). I just came up with it in like five minutes. Hope it helps, though!!! =)

Answer 2

No, DON"T replace the second comma with a full stop/period. If you do, the first sentence won't make sense. If you want to make two sentences of it (although you certainly don't need to), make the FIRST comma a period and take out "and." However, I'd leave the sentence as it is but change the last "was" to "were," since it expresses a contrary-to-fact situation. Even without that change, I like it-- direct and whimsical.

Answer 3

First of all, the first answerer's (Ejuck) advice is WRONG.

Secondly, I like it pretty much as it is. But I think I'd adjust it like this:

"Celia was invisible, and whenever she wasn't, she would wish she were."

or (perhaps more logical):

"Celia was usually invisible, but whenever she wasn't, she would wish she were."

The "that" is superfluous and makes it a bit choppy, and I'd change the "often wished" to "would wish", because you're already specifying in which cases she would wish it (whenever she wasn't invisible). And "whenever" is more descriptive than simply "when".

Hope my reasoning is clear. :-S

Answer 4

Celia's invisibility had her troubled, for when her invisibility was not in effect she wished for the opposite.

hope this helps!

Answer 5

Celia felt invisible. If, by chance, she wasn't...she wished she were.

Answer 6

Replace the second Comma with a Full Stop.

Answer 7

Celia was invisible; she preferred it that way.