because he doesn't show me any affection or attention, he say's he loves me, but he doesn't show it and I don't feel loved. We don't go out together on date's or spend quality time with each other, I feel lonely, even when he's around, he can spend the whole evening and night not saying one word to me. I've talked to him about my feelings so many times and the conversation always ends with me crying myself to sleep. I have asked him if he's truly happy and he says he is, but I'm not! I do love him and want to be with him, if he would change. I sometimes wonder if I should just live this way, the rest of my life, or get a divorce. I would rather be lonely and not married, than lonely and married! At least that way there would be a chance of meeting someone new. I want someone to cherish me and think I'm wonderful. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, that's not what I want, I just want to feel loved!
2007-12-27 06:17:42 · 17 answers · asked by DINO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counseling.
2007-12-27 06:21:26 · answer #1 · answered by edysalt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to see you are so unhappy. But as you know, people have differing needs for affection and differing abilities to deliver. Perhaps you are a very needy person and he's very independent and doesn't require a lot of affection. It is a shame that you two didn't recognize this before you got married. Perhaps you decided to marry quickly? Not enough information here to understand the whole situation. Perhaps your husband works a long day and is stressed out and tired when he gets home and doesn't feel like being the big romantic. Maybe he feels smothered by your expectations and he's not being completely honest with you because he's afraid he'll hurt your feelings even worse. Maybe you are not clearly expressing yourself. It does sounds like your emotions tend to get the best of you. You should not be crying yourself to sleep multiple times without a real resolution. It really is hard to cherish someone who is crying their eyes out all the time. It is hard to think your partner is wonderful when she is demanding attention all the time. It makes me wonder what your husband would like from this relationship.
You've only been married two years; you two are just getting to know each other still. But, it sounds like you need a mediator to help you both communicate more effectively. I am sure that with a neutral third party involved you might find that things are less terrible than they appear now. All marriages go through a period of adjustments - that period in which our mythical expectations of a realtionship get a reality check :-) I have no doubt that you two will come through with flying colors and soon you'll feel as cherished and loved as you need and you'll husband will feel like he's making you happy and is getting what he needs too. Good luck to you both; I'm sure you'll be blissful soon.
2007-12-27 06:33:12 · answer #2 · answered by krinkn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be happy. You deserve to be happy. But divorce should be plan Z. You said that you have tried talking to him and he isn't responding. Has his behavior changed since you got married? People change... it is a part of life. Maybe he has just forgotten how to show you he loves you and isn't really sure how to go about learning that again. Maybe you can try extra hard to show him that you love him... kind of like an example. Or give him ideas of what you like. If he doesn't really respond when you two sit and talk, then maybe you should make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Sometimes people feel more comfortable talking openly in a structured environment. Plus, if you are looking at that option maybe he will realize how serious you are. You should also let him know that you have been thinking about a divorce because you truly aren't happy, but you want to be and you want to try with him if he is willing. Best of luck. I hope you find happiness.
2007-12-27 06:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will assume you do not have TPS otherwise you could use that as a reason to stay in this country. (TPS is Temporary Protected Status and is used to allow people who would be in danger if they returned to their country)(certain countries only) Form I-751 If you were granted conditional resident status throughmarriage to a U.S. citizen or permanent resident, use this formto petition for the removal of those conditions.If you are still married, the petition should be filed jointly byyou and the spouse through whom you obtained conditionalstatus. However, you may apply for a waiver of this jointfiling requirement if:... You entered the marriage in good faith, but the marriage was later terminated due to divorce or annulmen Read the I-751 instructions
2016-05-27 03:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should try marriage counsiling. if that doesnt work then tell him ur not happy and that ur willing to try but if nothing changes ur leaving him. has he always been that way. was there some sort of trauma recently that happened like a death in the family or losing his job. he could also be having an affair. have u tried listening to him and how he feels. if nothing works then just leave. life is to short to live lonely.
2007-12-27 06:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you realize that if you can work on this problem and fix it you two will be stronger for having gone through it? So many people are willing to call it quits these days. Marriage is WORK. The only way I would leave my husband is if he beat my a$$ or cheated on me.
Edited: I wanted to add that I am not financially dependent on my husband or trapped by small children. The reason I wouldn't leave for other reasons, like yours, is because I took VOWS as a mature ADULT, for better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer.
2007-12-27 06:22:29 · answer #6 · answered by Teresa 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How about asking him to pick one night a week to go on a date?Me and my husband have Date Fridays where we pick a nice restaurant or a fun activity and we get together and enjoy our date, it really helped us stay together after the monotony of every day life, Been married 15 years and counting by the way.
2007-12-27 06:22:30 · answer #7 · answered by pura_rosa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People express their emotions differently. He could be happy and totally in love with you and express it differently. Ask him how he is comfortable expressing his love... and listen to him. Give him a chance without trying to change him.
Try couple therapy.
If you really can not live with him, the way he is, then yes... start thinking about divorce.
2007-12-27 06:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by pammy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though you've got a loser. Before you divorce try a nice long seperation this may well get his babyish attention. He is taking you for granted put his dumb ass on notice, throw him out for a while. Don't give in and don't listen to some of these other soft ***** footing around answers you're going to get. Come out swinging because it seems as though talking to him doesn't work.
2007-12-27 06:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by dnjo303 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go buy the book
The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
You and your husband need to learn how to communicate to each other....
The 5 languages are
1. Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Gifts
4. Service
5. Touch
I promise once you learn his language and he learns yours the marriage will begin to flow freely.
2007-12-27 06:24:14 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sure all this didn't just start. did you think it would get better once you all were into the marriage? just tell him you need more attention an affection shown towards you...try before you just up and decide to end it. talk to him about this...not around the bush.
2007-12-27 06:22:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋