The past couple of months have been hell in my marriage. My husband stopped working. He doesnt help out with the cleaning, financially, or emotionaly. He only helps me with the kids really. He hangs out with these losers down the street who just drink, smoke, and dont work. He disrespects me in front of everyone. I am so stressed out with work. I work 8 hours a day and will be taking a state test to get licensed for the field of work that I do. I have been trying to study and I never have time. I get home to cook, clean, take care of kids, and study. All he does is tell me how lazy I am. He doesnt even care if I lose my job. People tell me to make him work for the family because he is the man. I feel that I cant stand his arrogant way of being anymore. I cry because I love him but I cant stand him. I cant leave him because its my home. I pay the bills so I feel he should leave. I noticed he's become more of a jerk. Should I leave or can we save this relationship? Or doesnt he love me
2007-12-27 06:11:43 · 12 answers · asked by cocoa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, I'm sorry you are going thru this... He probably feels worthless to be honest, and he doesn't know how to deal with it so he tries to crush your spirit and make you feel like you are nothing, even though we obviously know the truth here.
I'm not saying it's okay by any means what he's doing, but if he is not working and you are the breadwinner, he's hanging out with other men who are also not working and lazy...then he probably has low self-esteem because men are supposed to be the providers. He really needs to stop hanging with the other loafers. Keep concentrating on your work and get that license. Do it for you and the kids. He only wants you to lose your job so you can be in the same boat he is in.
Don't let him see you cry anymore, that's a sign of weakness and he will undoubtedly take pride in feeling that he's hurt you on that level. Tell him in a calm tone that you will NOT be disrespected, regardless of how the homies are treating their women, because right now you are being a good woman and still sticking by him. Let him know that you support him while he is going thru this hard time and that you two can get thru it together but some form of order and respect has to become routine because you will NOT let your children grow up seeing you disrespected.
Point blank, if the kids see this and you aren't doing anything about it, they will grow up and get into bad relationships because of the example they saw. Tell him that he is a good father and you don't want him to tarnish his image in the children's eyes... I know it takes swallowing your pride to say it, but it worked for me. Thank him for helping with the kids, and let him know that in order to make more money, you need some of the stress taken off of you so you can get your certification and go on to make us more money...and when he's back on his feet he'll be glad he did.
Tell him a little more emotional support and help around the house will do wonders for your marriage because you will feel more gratitude towards him. Men love to hear this mess, even though you are really just getting into his mind... If he feels that he is making a contribution in other ways that make him look good in your eyes, and acceptable, he just may turn around and do better.
He is just down right now and is bullying YOU to make himself look and feel better in his OWN eyes. Good luck honey, I hope it all works out for you...
2007-12-27 06:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by krikit96 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back up and read the answer again from "Been There Done That"! She is exactly right!! He is miserable and has low-self esteem and wants you to feel the same way. That is the reason, but it in no way an excuse for his behavior. He needs a serious wake up call. Perhaps if you tell him that he needs counseling he'll either go for it or at least realize that you are not happy.
2007-12-27 06:51:33 · answer #2 · answered by SuziQ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way you did at one time in my life, and I left her and I have the kids. Go get a restraining order on him so you can get on with your life. There is to many fish in the ocean for you to keep this one. I value the love you have for him, but trust me get away before it gets worse. Good Luck!
2007-12-27 06:22:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jason Sylvia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he just sounds like a jerk do you what to live like this for the rest of your life?if you just had a little help sounds like you could have a much better life for you and your kids /with the love thing its like you guys turned into a brother and sistter act instead of being married
2007-12-27 06:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by john 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely he does love you but he doesn't love himself....a mans job is his Prize and he finds his self esteem in his ability to provide.....Right now he is feeling worthless and he wants you miserable....Misery loves company.
You need to make that decision on your own.....
2007-12-27 06:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to pack his crap and get out, he has already shown hes not a partner but instead hes a user so tell him go use someone else.
2007-12-27 06:29:03 · answer #6 · answered by mark 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no way you are lazy!! you have to realize you cant make a man do anything!! he has got to want to do this for himself. if you have done all that you can and your best is not enough LEAVE
2007-12-27 06:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by vonsmommie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not respecting you and your effects.
He does not love you and is bringing you down to his level.
Dump the bum and take your kids with you.
You deserve a real man.
2007-12-27 06:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by teeman824 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the exam. Concentrate on passing. Then screw and take the kids with you.
Simple enough.
2007-12-27 06:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably loves you.....but i can tell you this, he loves himself more and no good will ever come out of staying with someone who is that selfish
2007-12-27 06:17:43 · answer #10 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋