Need assistance on not weaning...?

Question

I have just about had it with family. This includes my husband. I love him dearly but his ideas on weaning and breastfeeding went out with the wash many years ago. I have given him information from kellymom and other sites that support extended breastfeeding and the benefits therein. Yet, he wants me to wean.

My family nearly attacked me on X-Mas day about this same issue. They do not understand that baby IS STILL benefiting from the breastmilk and it is keeping her healthy.

For those that have issue you need not apply.

She is 16 months old, eats 3 meals a day and snacks. She has been on a sippy cup full-time since she was 7 months old and took that instead of a bottle when I am at work.

She is going through sep. anxiety right now and this is not a good time. I had hoped to draw my husband out until at LEAST 18 mo. but he is getting impatient. He is not seeing the benefits of breastmilk.

I am annoyed that to me, everyone is backwards- it makes baby happy- why not?

Has anyone else dealt with this and what did you do? How did you manage it? I am about ready to scream. What happened to putting THE CHILD'S needs first???

He said this is "just too long" and he thought she'd be weaned by now. She is not interested at all. The moment I come home from work- and thankfully, I am off for 2 weeks she jumps in my arms, blankie in tow to nurse. She has never been sick until now- she has a cold. She also caught pink eye from me at 5 mo. of age. I was surprised that I told him babies will wean themselves- and he didn't know that- so I went to the computer and printed off a bunch of info. At least once every few days I am hearing him say, "it's time to wean..." He does not see the benefits about this: she goes right to sleep, she is easy to parent because she is still nursing, etc. I don't worry if she didn't eat well because she'll make it up in breastmilk. *sigh* To be honest- Babies Uber- I am ready to tell him to take a flying leap for a few days and chill.

I am the ONLY person they know of that nursed.

When I am at work- she nurses a total of 4 times a day- morning, as soon as I get home, around 6:00 and at bedtime. I am on break and she seems to be making up for lost time or just missed me and the comfort of it. It is very comforting to her- why take that away? She is still a baby.

My family- their backwards anyway- but they add fuel to the fire where it need not be.

oops- in my haste- I spelled their wrong- it's they're.

Hokie- you are lucky- my mom was a formula feeder who still supports cereals at early ages and cry-it-out. We do not practice any of it- and my husband is a strong advocate for not doing it.

I had no idea Canada recommended at least 2 years- that is really, REALLY cool!

((((belinda)))) Thank you. I am confident in my parenting choices but I think the events of the last week have gotten to me- too much family stuff. My husband and I did have a long talk today and though he does not agree with continued nursing, he is going to go with it. He had hoped I was going to wean these next 2 weeks- and I told him it depended on the baby- but she is clearly not into it. I mentioned going through the summer- and he flipped. It makes me sad because he is such a wonderful husband and daddy. Anyway, normally, I am much more set in my ideals. I think it's the holidays and too much family.

Answer 1

You just have to learn to ignore it - really. I'm becoming great at ignoring things like my mom constantly going on about how great a mom she was to me (which of course is why a psychologist said I had to move out at 14, and that wasn't the start of the problems)

So for everyone but your husband, just ignore them. Heck even agree with them, and keep doing what you want. I got a tonne of subtle pressure to wean when I was pregnant and I would even agree when people said things like "at some point you are going to need to cut back" (because yes at some point between now and when my son is say 20 years old I will cut back on nursing).

As for your husband you can either tell him to get stuffed OR take something like bedtime. Make him put her to bed and see how much easier it is when you nurse her (of course this could backfire completely my son goes to sleep easier for my husband). Or be really obnoxious every time she doesn't eat something say "Good thing shes breastfeeding", and every time she is hurt and it soothes her. Every time you even hear of someone getting sick "Good thing (name) is breastfeeding it makes her so healthy".

Answer 2

I nursed most of my kids over a year, and one was for 2 years and the last one almost 4 years. I caught constant hell for it. I personally don't understand why it's such a MAJOR issue for so many people, I feel that the choices we make with our children is our right as parents, as long as we are not hurting, neglecting or abusing our little loves. (and for the record, extended breastfeeding is NOT abuse). As for your family, I'd just ignore it, or make it clear that their advice is not necessary, as you've made up your mind. But your husband... that is something else. I would maybe try to find out what his reasonong is. What makes him against it? Is it that he wants to view your breasts sexually again and the nursing hinders that? Is he getting slack from friends/family? In any case, you are the mom, and it sounds like a very concientious and loving one at that, so he will need to understand that your choice is a reflection of your love for your child, and you would really appreciate his support in this matter. Couples counseling may even be in order if this is a serious issue (the counselor will act as a mediator and help you clarify your point to your husband and help your husband clarify his point to you). Setting an age is not always the best way to do it, it is a personality thing, your child will show signs when she's ready to wean, which could be anytime from now to 4 years old. (The world-wide average weaning age is 4-5 years). Good luck with this, I hope you can get through to him! :)

Answer 3

Good for you for practicing extended nursing. You are doing the right thing. The best you can do is give your husband information from the WHO about the benefits of extended nursing. He really should be the only one questioning it. As for the rest of the family, tell them to butt out and that they are not to criticize the way you raise your child from now on. If they do, simply leave. It's more a matter of respect. My husband's family did the same thing - they would question how long I nursed my son, what car seat I used for him, and everything else under the sun - right in front of him. As a result, he picked up the message that when they were around, he didn't have to listen to me. It took me awhile to put an end to it.
So let your family know that unless you are asking them to breastfeed your daughter, it's none of their business. If they're so worried about something you're doing, they should keep their mouths shut and just call DSS. I'd LOVE to hear the call come in about possible child endangerment due to breastfeeding at 16 months!

Answer 4

Someone once told me "You can't win with logic", and it's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received. I am already getting the "You'll never make it to 6 months, he's big, he needs FOOD!" comments from my mother about our 4 month old - never mind that he GOT this huge (19 lbs) on breast milk... DUH.
You've already tried information -
You won't convince them. The best bet is to take the Miss Manners approach and reply as you would to any other piece of inappropriate unsolicited advice - "Hmmm, I'll have to look into that" or "I'll have to check with the Dr on that", then change the subject, basically refusing to discuss it or argue about it. If pushed, say, "That's not really your concern" or "I'm not interested in discussing that right now".
Defending your decision at this point implies it needs defending. Refuse to be on the defensive. Eventually they'll get the idea that it's not a topic for discussion.

This has worked for me, although I'm sure it'll get old eventually.
What amazes me is that people think it's appropriate to discuss nutritional choices with a baby when they'd be totally offended if the tables were turned and you were saying "Oh, are you sure you should have that omlette - you know your cholesterol is high - and you really need to watch the calories with your weight..." lol.

As far as your hubby, he's probably responding to the outside pressure by pressuring you. Take him to a LLL meeting so he sees you're not the only one.

Answer 5

You just tell them that you are the mom and you will continue to breastfeed until you and your daughter are ready to stop together, point blank. It's not their business. It's not even really your husbands business if it's not interfering with your personal lives and relationship.

I know a woman who was breast feeding her son when he was 4 years old, and IMO was WAY too long, but still her decision and I would NEVER have said anything to her about it.

***************

Canada, yes, is much more advanced when it comes to pregnancy, new moms and babies. The US, for such a rich country, can't give more then 6 weeks disability after a child is born and that is only in a select few states (NY being one of them) and the most that is offered in NY is $170 a week minus taxes....what a sham. In Canada you get one year paid maternity leave that can be split between the mom and dad....we got so jipped here in the US.

Answer 6

Is your husband aware that the WHO warns that weaning before age two is dangerous?

Your story makes me mad and sad. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I love reading your answers on here. You seem so confident in your parenting decisions.

I don't know how it must feel to have your husband fighting with you while you're trying to do what's best for you and your child. What is his specific concern? Does he think that extended breastfeeding will make your daughter dependent? My daughter is two, and she's still nursing. Nursing makes boo-boos, bedtimes, separations and colds so much easier. My older child is dealing with some obnoxious cough with lots of puking, but the little one is much healthier.

(((((((HUGS)))))))) In a few years, they'll only whisper behind your back about this. You'll get through it.

Answer 7

The AAP now recommends 2 years of breastfeeding. I'd hold on to your guns and keep breastfeeding. Tell your husband to back off and grow up. I would tell your family that you will not be visiting again and stick to it. There is absolutely no reason why they should be attacking you about breastfeeding except for their sick sexual hangups.

Women have these issues all the time and it should have stopped by now. I feel for you, but my guyfriend knows better than to give me crap about things that I feel strongly about. Your husband hasn't figured it out yet.

Many children wean themselves between 2 and 3 years old. (average is actually 3 plus or minus 6 months). Children who wean earlier are usually being overfed with other foods.

Seems to me that your husband doesn't CARE what information you give him. He's decided it's too long. The question is why? Why should he care if the baby is breastfed or not. Doesn't inconvenience him at all.

Answer 8

I did extended BF with my son, and would always get comments, especially from my MIL. I just ignored it. To be honest, I am more educated than she is and I do know the benefits of ExBF, she doesn't. She only bf at the most 3 months with all of her kids, but stopped because they wouldn't take it anymore. Yeah, because she started them on formula from day 1 because she didn't think her BM was "good enough" and she didn't "have enough." Yeah, right. She is just generally uneducated, can't read, and thinks all of her "ideas" about health are correct. So, I just ignore her. I used to try to educate her about stuff, but gave up because she has "amnesia." Whatever.

Anyway, my dh basically gave up trying to get me to wean, and my son and I did it when we were ready. I got a few comments from my parents before we weaned, but they know that I know what I'm doing and never really said too much. Now my dh and parents are very supportive because they know that I am doing the right thing. They know I will bf the baby I'm about to have for as long as we want to, lol!

Just do it when you're ready. She may not be ready in 2 months, so just take your cue from her. Sometimes I regret weaning my son so young, but it all worked out. My son is very healthy, and I feel got the full benefits of our ExBF. Good luck!

ETA: Oh, and ironically, now my MIL attributes my children's good health to the breastfeeding. LOL! Guess I showed her! My kids hardly get sick, but her other grandkids who weren't breastfed get sick all the time.

Answer 9

i don't understand that. breastmilk is best for baby. and 16 months old is not too old. i think breastfeeding mothers sometimes take a lot of crap when they should be commended. i personally tried to breastfeed but it didnt work out (long story). i cried about it and felt so bad that i couldnt do it.

you know what is best for your child, even if your family members cant see that. whenever you hear comments give them a "smart answer." not rude but an educated answer. you've done the research so im sure you can come up with something =)

as for your husband, tell him you know what is best. if it was going to hurt her in the long run you wouldnt be doing it. tell him you're not going to stop now and regret it later.

Answer 10

I know what you mean. It seems like there are some people that support breastfeeding, but only until that magical age when a switch flips and your breast milk suddenly becomes devoid of nutritional value. I've already started to get comments and my daughter will be turning 1 next week.

If the articles and info is not swaying him, it's probably more of a subconscious bias? Try to get him to actually explain why he thinks you should stop. Maybe if he says it out loud he might realize his reasons sound silly?