My g/f told me yesterday that she's pregnant. We've been dating for 5 years, I'm 27 and she's 31. We were being safe when we had sex, she was on the pill, but I guess it's not 100% effective.
I realize I'm old enough to be a father and I would def be responsible but I'm not at the point in my life right now where I want a kid to raise. I want to wait until I've a little further in my career. I love my g/f and I will support her but I'm not ready for a kid right now in any way!
She told me that she is def gonna keep it. I tried to talk to her about an abortion but she said that's out of the question.
Is there anything I can say, in a nice way of course, that would help convince her to see things my way?
thanx
2007-12-27 05:37:46 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
If she doesn't want an abortion, drop it and grow up. That's a responsibility you have to accept when you have sex, protection or not.
2007-12-27 05:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by HelpIzOnTWay 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
No you cant convince a woman to change her mind about that situation. I understand what you are saying but you have to see it from her side as well. She is happy and wants to have a child. You say you love then love her. Think about the consequences, She may hate you in the end and never forgive you. Do you want that over your head? What if she has an abortion then she may never be able to get pregnant again. These are some of the things you might want to think of. Look at this as a blessing not a bad thing. Might not be the right time but everything happens for a reason. You will never know what might happen along the way. But if you truly feel convinced let her know how you feel. Don't hold back and keep in and be angry. Communicate with her that would be the best thing.
2007-12-27 13:47:25 · answer #2 · answered by carmelskinnedgirl 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are acting as if you are asking her to have a mole removed or something. This is a human life and you are simply inconvenienced by it. Not a reason to kill. Do you realize (obviously not) how much women suffer for YEARS after an abortion? Depression. Thoughts of suicide. Constant remorse. Feelings of not deserving to live... Plus sometimes health consequences. Abortion is not just a simple procedure. They rip the arms and legs off the baby and suck it out thru a clear tube. You can SEE it coming out of your body. It is horrendous. Did you think that sex didn't equal babies? Because it does- it's a natural process that man has tried to trick his way of getting around -- but tricks don't always work. Do you even know what the Pill is? It's a woman's hormones meant to trick her body into thinking it is already in a pregnancy state- so that it won't release any more eggs. Not exactly fool proof even when used correctly. So , you should stop harrassing her. She is making the right decision.
2007-12-27 13:47:13 · answer #3 · answered by Devoted 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can. She's obviously already made up her mind about it. I know what goes through your mind when you find out the news, believe me. I felt the same way you did but at the same time I was not going to get an abortion (luckily I found out it was a false alarm). What I'm trying to say is you can't convince a woman to do that kind of a thing when she is against it. It's not like you're trying to convince her to buy Gain instead of Tide. This is a very serious matter, as you are aware. I'm sure she's just as scared as you are right now. The main thing is you need to support each other in this. Best wishes and good luck. I hope everything turns out all right for the 3 of you.
2007-12-27 13:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by The Crimson King 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, dude, this isn't your decision to make alone. Her choice matters just as much as yours, and in fact it matters more, since it impacts her body and her future more than it does yours.
If you don't want to raise a child, then you don't have to. As a man, you have the option to walk away, give up custody of the child, etc.
Yeah, the timing sucks. But if you really weren't ready to have a kid, you should have taken better precautions - neither condoms nor birth control are 100% effective when used alone, but used together they pretty much are. So now you have to take responsibility for your actions, and get used to making decisions as a team, rather than as an individual.
If it's any consolation, there never is any "right time" to have a kid - your career and your finances will always be an issue, and you will never quite feel "ready". It's a big life change and everyone panics a little bit. It's okay. But it's time to man up and jump in headfirst. It's not always up to us to determine the fate that is given to us - it's up to us to determine what we are going to do about it.
2007-12-27 14:06:34 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know many men who wished later on they never insisted on abortion. i have spoken to many who base the issue of an unwanted pregnancy on fear. ie, not the right time, career issues, ect.
there is never really a right time to have or not to have a child.
many men and women alike want to further their career- a child really has nothing to do with advancement. it will not hold you back in your career whatsoever, so, if you say you want to be responsible then quit making excuses.
sometimes the best plans are no plans at all. someone is giving you a GIFT- a child is the most positive thing to come out of a relationship where two people love one another.
furthermore, you are not the only one who is scared in this pregnancy-
as for age? age has nothing to do with it. maturity does. so age really has no importance either.
if you really think about this some, you might realize that if you have gotten her pregnant, whether intentionally or not, you are ready to be a father.
let go of some of the things your wanting to hold on to and enjoy this time.
one last thing? leaving will not keep you from the responsibilities- running away from this issue always catches up to you.
you have to ask yourself some questions.....think about why you feel abortion is the answer. again, career issues are an excuse.
good luck and congradulations on being a father- it is one of those things in life that is the MOST rewarding!
2007-12-27 13:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you have sex you should be ready for the consequences you are old enough to know that by now. YOU WEREN'T ABORTED, WHY SHOULD YOU ABORT YOUR UNBORN CHILD? You should have thought about all this before you slept with her and after 5 years you should be making a commitment to her and not using her as your play toy. If you really cared for her you would understand that this must be a very tough time for her too. Stop being selfish not everything is about you right now you are talking about a decision that will affect 3 parties not 1.
2007-12-27 13:48:18 · answer #7 · answered by simba 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you weren't ready for a kid than why were you having sex? You should have thought about that before. As for the abortion issue, the decision must be made by the woman. She is having the child and she has the right to decide whether to have it or not because it is her body. If you love this woman and you are responsible enough to have a child, than you should keep the child. When you hold him or her in your arms for the first time, you are going to be glad you kept the baby.
2007-12-27 13:48:32 · answer #8 · answered by vallygrl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel really badly for your girlfriend right now. You have been with her for a number of years meaning more than likely this child was made out of love. That is probably why she wants to keep the baby because it is you and her and you would be asking her to give up a part of both you and her that was made out of love. You are selfish and need to grow up and understand that when you have sex with somebody that you take responsibility of the possibility of that happening. You are plenty old enough. So, grow up and step up to the plate. Also, remember too that it is her body and when it all comes down to it it is her decision.
2007-12-27 14:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by Strong Happy Marriage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once someone is against abortion, they're against it. And you should be too. Women especially are against it since they tend to be more sensitive then men. Women suffer after abortions; she has to have the baby, not you. You have no reason to kill off a human being just because you are looking to further your career! Support her, that's all you can do. You can't say anything nicely to change her mind; this is a baby, not a large nose or something you want removed.
2007-12-27 13:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Too bad, you'll have to deal with it.
You should be old enough to know that NOTHING is 100% effective against pregnancy except for abstinence.
Now act like an adult and accept the consequences of your actions.
If you are not at that point in your life that you cannot handle a child, you should not be having sex.
Its HER body, so she has every right to want to keep the baby.
2007-12-27 13:44:46 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋