He did what to you?

Question

What would you do if your fiancé had a myspace account and this girl contacted you stating that they have been dating for as long as you have been going out? What if you knew this girl and that they were dating however you didn’t know that it wasn’t over. What would you do if you and your fiancé provided each other with passwords to each others email accounts and then you found an email that stated this;

“Moving forward, can you write to me at blah blah address as she has obtained the password to this account and I'd like to be able to continue being honest with you rather than filtering the things I say for fear of her reading them.

Christmas was quiet. I'll tell you the rest of the story (including the blog thing) on the other email account. Write me there when you have a moment. it's more of the same insanity. That said, I'm off to CA this weekend to spend New Year's with her. Again, I'll tell you about it in my next email.”


He made me it sound like the girl was insane and stalking him, she obtained my password, he gave it to her. Then he stated he meant for the girl to see the email, however when she went in earlier the email wasn’t there. It just so happened that she stumbled across it.

Given this recent email story and the one where an ex girlfriend called you and she seemed very hurt and honest, what would you do?

Only serious responses !!!!

The other response was to a different girl, his friend who he blogs to.

I wish this was made up so I could tell my friend everything would be okay.

Answer 1

Okay your not married yet (thank God), but he is throwing up BIG time red flags that he is not ready to be in a monogamist relationship, and that's ok to... Better you find out he isn't ready before you make this lifetime commitment... Doesn't mean at some point he want be ready just means he still has some OATS to sow...
Give yourself some time, and space to reevaluate what you want out of this relationship. After you are SURE that he is what you want then you'll just have to wait on him to mature, or if he know longer is what you want then you can thank God that you found out he wasn't mature enough to go forward with your relationship...

Hope I was some help to you...

Answer 2

Whatever you do, do NOT marry this man. He is supposed to be your best friend, Allie, and confidant. In reality, he is sharing thoughts, feelings, and even secrets with another woman that he had/has an intimate relationship with, that are intended to be kept from you in particular. Isn't that a smack in the face?

If he is doing these things now, you can rest assured that he will be secretive and deceptive with you about many other situations in your marriage.

In fact, I'd bet my wedding ring on it. I don't need it anyway. I filed for divorce last May from a man that behaved much like your fiance does.

Answer 3

In part it sounds like he can't get his story straight. This is a clue that he is a liar. The truth is easier to remember and there is generally only one version per person.

You should get away from this guy. You are engaged and yet he can't tell you the truth in a straightforward manner. I would put money down that if you stay with him, you will eventually be the girl he accuses of stalking him while he explains himself to some other girl.

Answer 4

Well, I would expect that if he broke up with her there would be some serious letters from her cussing him out for breaking her heart. All of which laced with ugly comments to you. It doesn't sound like that is what you found in his inbox. It sounds like he is still trying to cheat on you. If it smells like a rat, looks like a rat, sounds like a rat, then it's probably a rat.

I don't even have a clue what your 3rd to last paragraph is saying, so it's hard to answer you, but in general, it does not sound at all like he is being honest with you. It sounds like he is trying to maintain two relationships here. I would demand that he give you the other password too, and that he not tell the other woman this time. Then it would be obvious if he has quit her. One because you could look into his "sent" folder and see where he tells her he is not interested in talking to her anymore, and two because she would be trying to convince him to pick her instead of putting messages out there for you to read.

You are lucky that she does not want to have a secret relationship with him. She could have easily started hiding the fact that they are still seeing each other and you would never have known.

Either way, you have to face the fact that you are dating a cheater, and there is a famous saying--- once a cheater, always a cheater....

It's not about winning him. Look at your prize, a big fat lying cheating jerk who hurts your feelings. It's really about loving yourself. Do you care enough about yourself to accept what you don't like? You don't have to like it to accept that this guy will never be what you want. He may decide to pick you over someone else this time, but if he's a cheater, he will cheat again later.

Is it worth it? You don't have to do this. You don't have to be the idiot who stays with the cheater. Love doesn't hurt, so you know this isn't love, its a mess. You may be able to feel that you aren't being rejected if he picks you, but you don't have to let him define how you feel about yourself. He doesn't decide if you are lovable, because you are. You don't have to have some guy choose you before you can consider yourself a worthy person. You are worthy of love, respect, and being treated with dignity, and that won't change with this guy's choice.

You may care about this guy, and it may seem like you care about him ALOT. But do you really care about him, or are you looking to him to make you feel that you are the best choice? Why not take things into your own hands and really choose what's best for you instead of letting him make all the choices?

I'm not saying that you should make it easier on him by breaking up with him. But by being a grown up about it and being responsible for your own decisions. If he cheats on you and it hurts its because you stayed when you knew better. So learn from that and break up with a cheater at the first sign next time. Don't learn the hard way when you already know. If you already know the truth, why choose to learn the hard way?

Answer 5

Any man who has any myspace or orkut or whatever with any email account isnt good guy hes bound to cheat today or tomorrow forget it

Answer 6

If this is YOUR fiance, I would get rid of him like the case of jock itch that he is (well, I guess you wouldn't know....take it from me, jock itch is no picnic). If all this is true, the guy is a scumbag that would make Bill Clinton look like a choir boy....dump the schmuck. You deserve better than this strunza.

Answer 7

I think you know what to do. leave him and let his cyber love fizzle out. Then you will have the last laugh as he'll be begging for another chance, that hopefully you will never give him.
Find someone who has more loyalty and respect for you, hun.

Answer 8

If he's being less than truthful with you then you're an idiot to stick around.

How's that for a blunt answer?

Answer 9

If he isn't honest with you about every aspect of his life, then you should find someone else. If there isn't honesty and trust, it isn't a relationship.

Answer 10

Send him an e-mail at the "secret" e-mail address and dump him!