two couples together heavy petting no penetration (first time for one couple, other couple has been part of lifestyle for much longer)....first time woman has had enough...ready to head off to sleep. In front of all four she tells her husband if he stays behind, not to stay too long because he can come to bed and she will *take care of him*. She leaves, falls asleep, he comes up later and confesses that he had intercourse with the other woman after she left. What do you think? Too bad, so sad because that's the nature of the swinging lifestyle? Not enough communication? Husband took advantage of situation, and ignored the implied but not spelled out rule?
2007-12-27 05:20:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends upon the rules laid out between the husband and wife. It certainly is NOT the nature of the swinging lifestyle to just DO and then try to do damage control later...if you're not 100% certain that your spouse is ok with it -- whether they're in the room or not -- you simply DON'T do it. Period. End of story. She should have been clear about her expectations, and he should have assumed that unless she gave him the green light, the answer is no. ALWAYS err on the side of caution. There has obviously been a serious lapse in communication.
My husband and I have our rules laid out explicitly and agreed upon. Every couple we play with is the same way, and if we found out that this had happened with someone we knew, we wouldn't play with them. Period.
Communication is SO important in this lifestyle, and this was a SIGNIFICANT communication lapse. They're asking for trouble if they don't get that part of it sorted out before they play again.
EDIT: For those who said she set herself up for it by allowing her husband to have sex with other women....regardless of whether or not you agree with swinging, that truly is NOT how the lifestyle works. Most couples make rules and allow sex with other people only under certain circumstances...it's not just a naked free-for-all. If my husband behaved that way, we would have SERIOUS problems.
2007-12-30 08:23:23 · answer #1 · answered by War Games AM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In swinging, couple have to make rules that they stick to. The rules should never be changed in the heat of the moment, only when they alone and away from the swinging environment.
This couple sounds like they either didn't have any rules, or the rules were left open ended. That's the fault of both.
There is always a bit of a learning curve for noobs in the lifestyle. The more experienced couple should have confirmed the boundaries.
What happened is NOT the nature of the swinging lifestyle.
2007-12-27 13:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by gromit801 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Husband should have realised that was her way of telling him she wasn't comfortable with the situation. Swinging is something that both "couples" have to actively participate in otherwise it isn't swinging anymore it's cheating. Trust me on this! You need to be aware that the wife was giving a signal that she wasn't comfortable.
Momma_Bear
2007-12-27 13:26:30 · answer #3 · answered by the_morris_bears 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think communication is the key to every scenario. if the wife, wanted the husband to go upstairs with her, i think she should have stopped beating around the bush and told her husband. however, i think they should have communicated expectations of each other prior to the event taking place. so that if there was a point which either party was ready to end it, they would be able to in a completely comfortable way. this is a tricky one because it seems there were so many opportunities to deter this from happening, however, they were missed. remember, communication is key!!!
hope this helps!
dawn
2007-12-27 13:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by DaWn 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, 1st of all she should not have put them in that situation.
2nd the husband should NEVER have gone through with it because of what his wife said. He did take advantage of the situation and should have went with his wife
2007-12-27 13:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ann 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she meant that she would satisfy her husband herself... and I think she meant that she wished he would say goodnite immediately thereafter and join her... in their bed. Yes, he took advantage of the situation, but if they were playing, then what did she expect? It probably would've happened at some point anyway.. as they were being so naughty.
2007-12-27 13:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, she did set herself up for this.
After all, you both agree that it's ok to sleep with others, and yet...she's upset he slept with this woman, anyway? What difference does it make?
The vows of marriage have been broken. This is to be expected, sad to say.
2007-12-27 13:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
lack of communication. if she didnt want him to really be there then she should of said something. if he nos his wife then he should no that doing that would of bothered her. so by him doing it anyway means he took advantage of the situation.
2007-12-27 13:29:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what's she b!tching about? She got what she wanted and so did he. He just wanted more. This isn't a lifestyle for the faint of heart.
2007-12-27 13:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
They both are adults. They got themselves into that situation together, and whatever happened did so because they were both to blame.
2007-12-27 13:24:34 · answer #10 · answered by C>/ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋