Is it easier for a woman to live alone than for a man to do so?

Question

Since my youngest son moved out I have lived alone (I raised them on my own) and have enjoyed the peace!
However I have always looked after myself and have lots of social contacts and until recently had my grandsons around here much of the time.
My third son though has lived alone ever since he moved out (except for sharing a house for a while with others) and I now worry about him.
I brought all of my boys up to be self-sufficient - they could all cook,wash and iron,keep the home clean and so on by the time that they were twelve and they kept themselves clean and tidy too.
They all did well by that and my eldest is married and the other two look like they will settle down (eventually!). It's true that I have to keep an eye on *all* of them still but my third seems to be letting himself go a little.
He has a good job,writing,but whereas with the others when I visit I just have to take along ...

... half a dozen pairs of new underpants and some aftershave/shower gel (just in case thay have been "too busy" to replace them and no-one else thinks of it) with him I sometimes think that he needs a Red Cross parcel!
My brother lived alone but he always looked after himself and looked neat and tidy - and cooked nourishing meals for himslef (and me when I visited!) yet my third son looks a bit peaky sometimes.
I know that because I have been on my own and have been upset for the past few *days* that anyone *could* let themself go - but I make sure that I look after *myself*.
I worry that my son needs someone to look after him so how can I encourage him to settle down with someone?

He was going to go on a "motivation" course last year but he won't tell me what happened or even if he went - it doesn't seem to have made much difference anyhow if he did.

He's not my youngest,Nanny - my youngest is doing fine like the elder two - but I must admit even though he is the *second* youngest he was more like my baby because he needed more attention than the others.
Anyhow - you make good sense!

Answer 1

My goodness me, you are a great mother to your boys, but there comes a time when you have to let go a bit. Even with your other boys you shouldn't be taking them underwear and toiletries, they have left home now and have to be responsible for their own lives.

You need to start getting out and finding interesting things to do with your time that you previously didn't have time for when raising your children.

If you are really concerned for his health (you said he looked peaky) perhaps you could have one cooking day a month when you cooked him lots of well balanced nutritious meals which he could freeze and you would feel reassured that at least he was eating good food a percentage of the time.

I can assure you though that doing too much for him would be spoiling any happiness he might find with a future wife, woman today are independent and do not want to do everything for their husband/bf.

You.ve done a great job, give yourself a clap on the back and let go of the wheel a bit now. Most importantly don't worry!!!!

Answer 2

I lived alone for 14 years. It was a blast. I went out whenever I wanted, entertained when I wanted, drank as much as I wanted, ate what I wanted, watched movies all night, slept in for as long as I liked... basically a bachelor in his bachelor pad. Then I got married. I never felt scared living alone. The front door seemed sturdy enough. Get passed that and then there's a lot of household stuff that can be used for fighting like the fire extinguisher, handgun, hammer, chef knife, wine bottle, power cord, etc. Not that I'm some kind of fighter or something, but if it happens then it happens, just be aware of your surroundings and be ready to pick up a weapon and do your best.

Answer 3

definitely women Joan , we are designed that way ,In our school years we are taught to cook ,sew, childcare , its expected of us , i left home when i was seventeen , and moved into a shared house with another girl who i worked with, ,It was great we got used to paying the bills , and rent on time , we did everything and kept the house clean and tidy despite having three cats to look after (it was at the owners request that we cared for them) ,After a year we had a fallout and i moved out , it was awkward because i had to still work with the girl , anyway from then onwards i was alone , until later when i met the childrens father , but i have to say although he was the breadwinner ,he wasn't much use round the house or even with the children ,i always felt alone even then . Now i am totally alone with the children and i cope with all things that is thrown at me , and although i have had a very bad year emotionally letting myself go was never an option , i keep myself smart clean and always make the effort even if i'm just popping to the shop , what i'm trying to say , is what i've seen of men when they are going it alone , is a very different , the things that we find important like clean sheets , washing up etc they tend to overlook , however i'll make an exception to one of my brothers , hes ex army and can and has coped many years on his own ,without the input of a woman, but times are changing and you see more men at the school gates or shopping with the children than you would have thirty years ago , so thats a start lol , but ,i dare say most men would not agree with me , but this is only my opinion of what i've seen of men in my past x

Answer 4

I think women tend to be more sufficient to live alone,but that ofcourse depends on different situations.I like you ,raised my daughter alone,never a issue with her,she's been a real blessing.You should be very proud of yourself,its not a easy road.I think men can do as good a job as women but they have a tendancy to need a extra help because they have be conditioned to work and allow the women in their life do the looking after.It all depends on personality,it has nothing to do with how you brought him up,I think you did a wonderful job.Life is not easy as you know yourself,sometimes we neglect ourselves because we are a little depressed or other issues.Onless we find whats deeply bothering us inside(maybe lonely,works too much etc) we will never be completely happy and that has nothing too do with mom,but him,himself.I hope this helps a little

Answer 5

I think a woman is much more capable of living alone Joan as there is that instinct there that a man hasn't got, we are 'programmed' almost to look after children so we look after ourselves too. I also think a woman can be alone whereas a man needs to be in the company of others. I do realise this is a generalisation but that is what I think anyway! We never stop worrying about our children however old they are but have to learn to let go and let them find their own way in life and to learn from their mistakes. You seem to have done a wonderful job to equip them with the know how to look after themselves from an early age - congrats!!!

Answer 6

Cor ! mums and their sons! (dads and their daughters!)
Until I was about 40 whenever my dad came to visit, he'd open my fridge and check the larder so see if I had enough 'good' food. My daughter moved out at 17 and he used to go round her house , too, checking on her food etc -Of course, we appreciated his concern- but how we used to laugh !
'Are you sure you've got enough money for the electric?- that baby's head is not warm enough ! - do you want me to go and meet them? ' worry worry worry
I was on my own with the kids for years-we had NOTHING of monetary value but that made us even more self-sufficient !
Of course you worry -your their mum-it's the law !
Your youngest-your baby-is looking peaky-well, he's a writer -I doubt he writes in the garden in the sun (if he did , you'd probably make sure he had ' factor 30' on !He probably writes into the night -don't you ? (look what time you were posting questions until last night )
I think you're worried he's too much like you ,and at the moment , you're not very well - so you think he's going to be the same
Try to stop worrying so much,2008 is round the corner , time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again
I said so !

Answer 7

i was raised the same way as your son's and lived alone until i was 33 when i got married. i think he may be getting a bit depressed it is very easy to slip into a lacklustre attitude/lifestyle when you have little responsibility. you are doing the right thing by regularly checking up on him, find out how often he is meeting up with friends or chat to some of them yourself. find out what is happening on the romantic front, he could be feeling lonely or may recentley have been rejected by a woman we all now how that can knock you back, either way dont worry and good luck.

Answer 8

I don't know for sure some men seem to manage it but I think woman are more programned to be self sufficient they say that men are only as good as the woman behind them I bet I'II get load of TD'S now from the males of Yahoo, oh well in for a penny......................lets face it men have to be told I do with my two son constantly on at them but my daughter she's a little whizz I'd have no worries about her when she moves away from home I like you have always tried to make my kids independant of me so that they can look after themselves but my eldest is so lazy that way and see's it as woman's work it's beneath him, he will bribe his sister to iron him something rather than do it himself I have plenty to say to him about it but he takes no notice but I just think he's got his priorities in life he's not daft that lad if he does it he knows I'II make him do it.
I can only speak from my own experience but they haven't left home yet so I can't be 100% sure what they will be like then.

Answer 9

I think the ability to do well on your own is based on the individual person, not their sex. Sounds like you gave your sons ample instruction on how to care for themselves. Three of them are doing so without problem. The one who is lacking probably had the same teachings as the others. For whatever reason, he just has a lesser desire for the order and cleanliness of taking care of himself. You mention he's a writer. Stereotypically, one thinks of a writer as being a bit absent minded anyway. If he fits into that catagory, he may just have his head in "bigger and better" things that the care of his home.

Answer 10

He is fine he is taking care of himself in his own way. Also he may not buy the things when he knows you are coming to get you to buy that is what i did when i was single. I would have and empt fridge and cupbords and dress really poor. I would try to get clothes and food out of my mother. I know it was sneaky and i am not proud of myself now but i did it then. I also acted like i could not make a meal so that i could have some of mom's home cooking while she was there. He is fine try not to worry.