i'm 9 weeks pregnant me and the father aren't togeather. i just told him on christmas eve that i'm pregnant. i would like him to be involved with my pregnancy just as me. i asked him to come with me to my next doctor appointment but he just says he has to work. i asked him if he would like a ultrasound pic and he says that he don't want one. he has a 14 year old daughter with an ex wife and he is more worried on how his 14 year old is gonna react to this. christmas day he called me to see how me and baby are i thought it was sweet and that maybe he was taking some responsibilty. but he don't seem to really wanna get to involved at all. how can i make him realize that it's important before the child is born just as it after the child is here. should i just leave him alone and do this all alone. i'm scared and terrified.
2007-12-27 04:44:50 · 18 answers · asked by princess.weakling 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Just give him time he will come around eventually and if he doesn't then you dont need him in your life or the babies.
2007-12-27 04:52:55 · answer #1 · answered by 2real♡♡ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has a 14-yr-old?! Ok, I have a similar situation, buy I'm not pregnant. Think of it this way, his kid is already 4 years away from being an "adult". This means he's almost done.... now he's about to be a father again and that he has to start ALL OVER AGAIN. Now, this is not your fault (that he already has a child). However, this is definitley something you both should have discussed b4 engaging in sex. But, what's done is done, and now there is an innocent involved. Back off of him for a while... like a week or two. Then contact him and tell him exactly what your plans are for this child and find out if he is going to be involved or not. You MUST also get a paternity test for yours and and his protection. Once this happens, he can rest assured that the child is his, and you can have legal grounds to get child support. You must take this a step at a time, but remember to keep the worst-case scenario in mind. He may try to leave you hanging, in which case the proof of paternity will definitely help you legally. Good luck to you!
Take care.
2007-12-27 05:04:56 · answer #2 · answered by MsLaLa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same situation as you. I'm further along though (17 weeks) The father and I were never really together and still arent together. I had troubles talking to him at first, because all he seemed to do was ask for an abortion and tell me I'm crazy for wanting to have a child. He has a child from a previous relationship (a 7 yr old son) whom he doesnt get to see on a reg basis. Now, as time as gone on, I'd say around my 10th weeks of pregnancy, he's starting to realize it's coming weather he likes it or not, and has chosen to be a part of things slowly. I asked if he wanted to attend a docs appt with me, he said he has to work. Or if he'd like to see an ultrasound pic and he said, I've seen them before. So things arent all better but now he's putting forth an effort to call and see how we are and seems like he'll be "trying" more in the future.. I hope!
I think if you just give him a lil time, he'll come around. He'll remember what it was like to have his first child and the excitement will return.
I wish you luck :)
2007-12-27 05:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by Baby GIRL due 01/05/10 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whew, i have been in the same boat as you. It's hard because you want him to feel the same way you do but he never will. I would say my first advice is to back off a bit and see if he comes to terms on his own. If not, then go through your pregnancy with the support of friends and family and then call him when the baby is born. If he still doesn't come around then take him to court for child support. NEVER EVER EVER depend on him for anything if he's not coming around. If he gives you little nibbles of attention here and there but isn't truly there then it's best to move on with your life and be the best mother you can be. This is all very painful. I went through this with my 13 year old and it took me YEARS to finally realize that I couldnt' change her father...make him a better person or make him love her. Life just sucks sometimes but you can make the best of it and your baby can have a wonderful life.....with or without him. Give him a chance but don't call him everyday. Call him when you get the ultrasound results but don't push. It will just upset you that he isn't reacting the way you want. If he wants to be involved he will be. Good luck. My heart hurts for you because this is going to be hard.
2007-12-27 04:51:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if he is scared to have another child. But, the fact that he did call to see how you were doing is a good thing, and if you keep updating him on the baby, he will probably come around. It's all new to him right now because you just told him, so give him a few weeks. Don't get on his case about not being around, that will push him further away. Just keep letting him know about your apointments and updating him, and he probably will be more accepting of the news. Remember, you just told him on Christmas Eve. This is a lot of new to give someone.
2007-12-27 04:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by Karla 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but this is why women should not have casual sex .. I am not trying to preach or talk down to you but I have seen many of my girlfriends get knocked up by a man they were not in a relationship with and they ended up going thru the pregnancy alone and thats not how its suppposed to be a woman needs a man there to support her and be excited with her abt their child to come.
I believe he will come around though after the baby is born like most of my friends " baby daddy" has. ofc... he is prolly freaking out abt this as much as you are just give him time he is not going to bond with the child as much as you are right now because he is not carrying it inside and since it was casual sex having a child was prolly the last thing on his mind. It makes me angry to see men react this way tho.. they should not there is always a risk when they dont use a condom and should step up and be a man abt it but sadly not all men know how.
2007-12-27 05:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by missology 101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be scared to. Scared that you are trying to "trap" him with this. Try asking him for a bit of his time, and sit down with him and explain to him your "wants" for this child and if you are or aren't interested in pursuing the relationship with him. He'll probably be more ready to be involved with this baby once you open up with each other and clear the air on what each of you expects from the other. Also, there are a LOT of men that aren't interested in the "technicalities" of pregnancy and child birth. I hope that he'll be more involved once the baby comes but for now... it may just be him. He may just not be interested like you are in all the ins and outs of the pregnancy itself.
Congratulations!
Good luck and God Bless!
2007-12-27 04:51:54 · answer #7 · answered by hotmamaof3_1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't make him get involved if he doesn't want to be involved. it will only cause more tension then it is worth. its already a bad situation and you should be more concerned with your health and the health of your baby. you should also make sure he is going to provide support for the baby and find out now if he plans on being in the BABIES life. don't use this an excuse to keep in YOUR life. Im sure its scary and all so try to find a close friend or family member to be with you during this period and if you aren't ready to be a parent then consider giving up the child to adoption.
2007-12-27 04:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jerry M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant force him to be involved. Just keep him informed about what is happening. He will have to make up his own mind to be responsible. Im sorry that you might have to go alone but you will be ok, just be strong for you and the baby. Hopefully he will wake up and decide to be there. Make sure that you get child support, etc from him dont just let him off. Good Luck.
2007-12-27 04:50:30 · answer #9 · answered by jojo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him step up and be a dad all you can do it keep him up to date on what is going on. Do not nag it will just make him not want to be involved more. Some guys it justs takes a while to process the idea of a baby. Good Luck
2007-12-27 04:50:08 · answer #10 · answered by mommy of 3, 2 boys and a girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you cannot force him to do something he doesnt want to do, you just told him On monday, giveit some time to sink in he may be in some shock and not know how to deal with it right now. Just make it known to him that the door is open, that if and when he is ready to talk or to be a part of the pregnancy he is more than welcome, but that he is needed for you tohave a happy healthy pregnancy. Try to relax, and remember that everyone deals with things differently and this just may be his coping method.
2007-12-27 04:49:21 · answer #11 · answered by Kim B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋