My 15 year old cousin is dating a guy I went to high school with (hes 26ish). As if that weren't bad enough, she got preggo, and had a miscarriage. She is devistated, and I am just looking for some advice on what to do here. I want to tell her shes ruining her life, and that hes a peice of crap for dating a girl so young, and that losing that baby was most likely the greatest thing to happen in her life. I also know that I don't want to push her away forever, as we're pretty close and she confides a lot in me, so I can't just fly off the handle and say these things to her. Anyone know how to handle this delicate situation without crushing her feelings? And, yes, her parents are now aware of the situation...her older brother, whom the pedophile also went to school with, is also aware of the situation. Just looking for some sensitive advice here, and save us both the time on the hate mail and insensitive comments. I dont need that right now. Thanks!
2007-12-27 04:38:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Stop being so darn friendly about it. If you were walking toward a large spike filled pit and you didn't see it, would you want me to try and convince you not to keep walking toward it or would you want me to scream at you to stop?
Sometimes people need a good kick in the rear to get their attention. When you just quietly let her do what she is doing you are actually becoming what is known as an "enabler". You are giving her your consent by not getting upset with her. I would also add that you are being a bad friend for not squaring off with her. You are being selfish in only thinking about yourself by saying you don't want to lose her. That is a weenie way to look at this.
What will you do to your child when it reaches up for a hot pan? If you are a good mother you will yell at it not to touch that and at first your child will withdraw, but then they will learn that you only had their best interest at heart and they will forgive you. Did you not ever get corrected in your life? What was your reaction? Did you never talk to your parents again or as you grew did you not see the wisdom of their words?
I am not telling you to tie her up and tell her to go to h***, but you need to be more outspoken and firm in your conversation, firm enough for her to get the message. After the message is given it is up to her how to react. But do not sit silently by and watch her walk into the pit.
Yoda out
2007-12-27 04:50:15 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Protect your relationship with her. Let her parents and brother belittle the adult male boyfriend, and then as you listen to what she repeats to you, you can react to. You can still be her confidant but also reinforce what the parents and brother tell her, but from your perspective, as an older, wiser cousin. You won't need to bad mouth the boyfriend, but you will be able to gently give her some guidance. Go ahead and confront the boyfriend. Tell him you won't hesitate call the police and report his abuse of your minor cousin, and then be prepared to do so. Your cousin is a victim here. Step up and protect her as best as you can, without losing your bond to her.
2007-12-27 04:54:08 · answer #2 · answered by judy y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in case you're a laid lower back, and information man or woman, she would in simple terms see you as an grownup that she will ask for suggestion that she would possibly no longer experience gentle asking her father and mom. Or she would in simple terms want your physique of suggestions and lifestyle and experience she could prefer to pay attention your perspective on what she is pondering. My older brother is a workaholic MD who owns a chain of walk-in clinics. I even have labored on oil rigs, labored as a bartender, and as a river handbook...and different jobs. customarily i've got taken care of the planet like a super playground. We consistently kidded one yet another how if we've been cloned into one human we would be very balanced. nicely, my nephew is now in med college, paddles kayaks, and at situations takes weeks off to stay out of his motor vehicle and detect whitewater rivers, even went via a pungent dreadlock section. fantastically plenty a combination of my brother and that i. besides, this is a probability.
2016-11-25 19:39:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's too young to understand wtf she's doing... someone needs to have a harsh little talk with this girl and why not you? if you care about her then stop worrying about her 'feelings' and tell her what she needs to hear. as for the guy... report him. he's a looser and if it isn't your cousin who's going to have to deal with him being her baby's daddy some other 15 year old might be. spare a teenagers life and take this pedophile off the streets and away from 9th graders please.
2007-12-27 04:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by sheeesmint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand, You are her big sister, and you don't want her to ruin her life or make the same mistakes you made. the thing is younger people are not inclined to listen to those with experience. so you may have to let her live her life the way she is going to
2007-12-27 09:20:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't talk to anyone about your plans, just report him to the cops, and them handle it! Where are the parents at anyway!
2007-12-27 08:59:13 · answer #6 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋