We just got married. He took the virginity of over 600 young women. He would go to clubs, libraries, colleges and parks and then bring home a girl. Sometimes he would get the girl drunk. He "spoke the lingo " and is very handsome. We just got married 3 months ago. He had about 2000 young women. How do I deal with it ? I can give you circumstances, dates, names. I read a book about sociopathy and he fits the bill. Do I have to try harder ? What can I expect ? How do I love such a man ? What are sociopaths like, what is he going to do ? He has already threatened leaving after 2 serious arguments. How can I change such a man ? He was badly sexually abused as a child. How should I act ? Yes, I found this out before we married and I married him because I thought no one else would.
2007-12-27 04:24:30 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I thought no one else would marry me.
2007-12-27 04:37:28 · update #1
A sociopath has no conscience and never ever will.
2007-12-27 04:38:59 · answer #1 · answered by pixie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband WAS a predator, then he still IS a predator. That's not the kind of behavior you just stop. He was deeply committed to those activities, and will remain so--he ENJOYS it. He is either a sociopath, or something very similar to one. Either way, he will NOT change. He is manipulating you, acting charming so you will marry him, and presumably you will serve as a good enabler for him; one who will give him respectability for a little while. So how do you deal with it? YOU LEAVE HIM. YOU DO NOT TRY HARDER. THIS MAN IS EVIL!!! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE HIM, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. What you can expect is for him to eventually get arrested. How did you find out about his predatory ways? Did he tell you, or did you find evidence? Frankly, what you should really do is call the police when he's not there and give them the information. As for him being badly sexually abused as a child: you can pity the child who he had been, and hate the man he has become--a man who has CHOSEN to sexually abuse thousands of other children rather than get help. If you have any sympathy for children who have been sexually abused, then you must get away from him--because now HE is the abuser!!!
2007-12-27 12:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by Q 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kelley...
There is absolutely know way a person is ever going to change unless they want to change themselves and put fourth the effort, first of all, did he ever express any desire to change? If so than that's a start and there is a possibility, however if not, you would be just as well off to leave him and move on with your life if you cant deal with him and his past, you must remember that you married this man and that was something you should have really thought about before marrying him, when a couple marries, they both are accepting each other and everything that they stand for along with any baggage and characteristics they have with them, you should never marry some one because you feel sorry for them, but because you love them, do you really love this guy? are you and can you be happy with him for life? These are questions you must ask yourself, if your not happy and cant accept all of his past and dark secrets, then you really should move on and seek a happier life.
2007-12-27 12:46:51 · answer #3 · answered by ARTY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he's been with a whole lot of women...he married you. After I got divorced, I was a little on the wild side. I was hurt by my ex, so I think men were like a game to me. I did that for quite a few years. Not proud of it, but I did. Then I met my now husband over nearly 21 years ago..never, ever cheated. Never will. The first couple years were rocky because I had to get over the "victin" frame of mind. But I did. Just love em, listen, have lots and lots of patience. I wish the best to you both!
2007-12-27 14:14:16 · answer #4 · answered by zen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's a sociopath, your trying or not trying will make no difference. Sociopaths cannot be cured. They are that way because of a basic inability to empathize with others' emotions. They tend to be manipulative, dishonest, and sometimes surprisingly charismatic. Obviously we're amateurs at psychology and haven't even met the guy, so I can't say that he is for sure, but if so I'd be surprised if he'd just given up women recently. It appears this is still an issue in your relationship, whether it's happening now or not. If it's over and you're sure he wasn't sleeping around before you got married if you want to stay married to him you'll have to reconcile yourself to his past knowing that that is over. If it's still happening, you have to decide if you're willing to put up with that, since it's not likely to change.
It's a bad idea to marry someone because no one else will.
2007-12-27 12:43:34 · answer #5 · answered by Beetle in a Box 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
going to answer this in reverse
you married him because you thought no one else would! so you didn't marry for love! so what does the past really matter if you don't truelly love him? I'm sure you care and do love him too don't get me wrong but with a bold statement married because no one else would just shows me your playing the pity card!
You should act the way you are and by how you feel no need to be someone different because of someone elses past!
you can not change people man women no one they have to do that changing you can only offer words of encouragement and a shoulder to cry on when things crumble and they will they always do! how you react to them make's you or breaks you!
Why would you care if he leaves you! my personal thoughs i would leave him and find someone i love more than anything and fight for it!
what you can expect from what i seen threats when things don't go his way!
basically i see nothing good here sorry!
you need NEED these thigns for a realtionship to work and both partners must have these it can't be one sided!~
Trust , Communication, Passion ... I can see you dont' have passion i mean sounds like you only like this guy if that
trust i see you don't have trust due to all the past women.
Something to help!
Forgive the past and build new trust -- do this for yourself not for his past! you forgive your past and move on!
Let go of his past it has nothign to do with you or who you are! however his past did make him the man you see! if you don't like the man (you don't or you wouldn't want to change him) then your not going to get over his past! you can't just deal with it it happend doneoverwith! do you trust him?
communication! not much to go on here just that if you agrue you get threatened to be single!
why not get it all tossed away
i'm not for divorse at all
but i can see you didn't marry for the proper reasons so divorse won't do much!
2007-12-27 12:43:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man will not change. You cannot change him. I believe you could find a much better relationship than this. This will bring you heartache and perhaps a very abusive relationship. Go see a therapist about what you are doing here in attracting or going after a certain type of man.
2007-12-30 10:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot determine that he is a socio, of course. But if you honestly think that he is an honest-to-god Sociopath, you need to file for divorce. Sociopaths are incapable of feeling any sort of empathy or sympathy or emotions. If he is a true Sociopath, he cannot love you. And he does not care. Sociopaths know the difference between right and wrong and have the impulse control to stop themselves, they just simply do not care. Socios literally care only for themselves.
2007-12-27 12:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by Recheli 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has a serious problem and sounds to me he was/is a person who likes to manipulate the weak minded. I would suggest a marriage/family counselor with experience in psychological behaviors. One thing to keep in mind is that you cannot change a person. What we can do is help the person see their faults and encourage them to try to work better in their relationships. What you need to do is be supportive of him and don't make him angry. Listen to him; from what you stated it sounds like he's had a horrible childhood. Embrace him with everything that you have and let him know that you are there for him and that you understand what he is going through and everything will be okay. Even though that bad stuff happened to him long ago, he is still hurting inside and will continue to hurt until he can let it go and forgive. It will be hard, but you all can get through this.
2007-12-27 12:28:58 · answer #9 · answered by angenico5920 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
no one else would marry you?? why?? what have you done?? and how many others have you been with that you have come to this conclusion? i must remind you... no matter what he has convinced you of, he is a predator... maybe ( as you seem to think ) not actively but he still is... and this is the guy you want to call your husband??? i wish you well... and don't have children...
2007-12-28 09:17:28 · answer #10 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope all the replies telling you that you need help get through to you. Forget message boards and go see a councilor or someone who can actually help you to start getting better. Good luck. I hope you can find your way.
2007-12-27 12:51:11 · answer #11 · answered by Danzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋