Rent or Food?

Question

I just got off the phone with a friendgirl and she is having the toughest time financially. My husband and I helped buy her children Christmas gifts because her and her husband couldn't afford to. (Really, we couldn't either,but we did). She told me this morning that their rent is due (not past due). She don't even have the full amout for the rent and the only thing they have in the refrigerator is butter, bread and a jar of mayo. I'm going to give her $100; not a lot but it will help. Before she hung up she asked me, what do you do when you have to make a decision to either pay your rent or feed your children. That question kind of stuck with me and I just want to know what you think.

Answer 1

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Ignoring all the implications of her having said this to you (i.e. she wants you to keep giving her money) I will answer strictly from a cold, detached, and logical perspective.

When you choose not to pay your rent, you are essentially giving up on having a place to live. Unless you have some reasonable expectation that more money is coming later in the month and you can pay your rent late, failing to pay your rent is inviting eviction. Okay, so your kids were hungry. Now they'll be hungry and homeless. Have things gotten better or worse?

Also, strictly from the cold and heartless point of view, when you fail to pay your rent you are imposing your poverty on someone else and you are stealing services. Why not just steal the food too? As much as we all like to make fun of our landlords and cheat them out of money when we can, the fact is that they provide a service and deserve to be paid for it, just like the grocer, just like the cable company, just like everyone else that we owe money to. The landlords are depending on that rent coming in so that they can pay the mortgage on your building and probably some or all of the utilities on the place in which you live. When your rent doesn't come in, the landlord can't pay the other bills. The landlords worked hard to get where they are and to own what they own. It's not right to fail to pay them. People pay the grocery store when they hand over the food. Why do people not feel the same conviction about paying the rent when the landlord has provided the most basic of all services, a place to live?

There are social service agencies all over the place who will give you food or give you the means to buy food. There are food banks. There are church "back door" programs. There is AFDC (Aid for Families with Dependent Children). Lots and lots of ways to get food. You only have one home, and not paying the rent promises to lose it for you.

Now, on the other hand, all of that probably means nothing to people when their kids are hungry and asking for food. The choice that most people will make at that point is to use their rent money to buy food to feed the kids. I don't think it's the right choice for all of the reasons I've outlined above. But I've never been in that situation and hope and pray that I never will be.
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Answer 2

Pay the rent first and then go visit the local food bank. If you want to help her - buy some dried beans (89 cents a bag at my grocery store), frozen vegetables (99 cents per box), a ham (they're probably on sale), a large jar of peanut butter, pasta and sauce and eggs. The ham can be cooked first and enjoyed with the frozen vegetables, then the leftovers can become sandwiches or the insides of omelets. The remaining ham and the bone can become the base for pinto beans (a cheap, filling and long lasting dish) that will make at least three dinners. The pasta is cheap and filling and eggs are nutritious and cheap. You should also encourage your friend to stock up on food and other necessities when they have money leftover each month and watch for good deals at the grocery store. A family of four can be fed well for very little each month if the cook is willing to work at it and is clever in their planning.

Answer 3

Wow, that is so sad. It is nice that you've tried to help them out, even when you don't have much yourself. Instead of giving her money, I would just go buy her some food. I mean you never know with people.....she might have a hidden drug habit that you're unaware of, etc. I'm not trying to be negative but I'm looking at your situation from all angels. Why isn't she getting food stamps or any type of assistance from the government. She seemed pretty lazy to me also. Good Luck. I do think you're a remarkable person for helping her out though.

Answer 4

If things are that bad financially for her then that is the wrong question for her to be asking. She should be asking what can I do to help get some extra income for my family? I hope that she is not just saying this to guilt you in to helping her some more. I would get a second job if things were that bad that I couldnt feed my kids. If their situation is that neither of them can work, mention to her about going to social services and see if they can help them.

Answer 5

I think that it's great that you want and do help out your friend, but you should also think about yourself. If it's really hard for you financially, you should let her know too. She seems like in a situation where she should get higher help/assistance..maybe welfare. They could provide assistance with her rent and food.

Answer 6

Feed the children. If people don't eat, they die. There are always temporary shelters available if it becomes necessary.

Unfortunately, I agree with the first answer. Are you being conned?

Answer 7

I would say don't give money, just buy her some groceries. I don't really know the whole story and such so I can't judge whether she is playing you or not. Good luck. ^_^

Answer 8

Keep giving her money and you will be doing that all your life. Tell her lazy husband to get a second job and she should get a job too. I'll bet they both buy beer and smoke. Trash is trash.

Answer 9

some times i need extra money to pay bills and what i do is go out and look for cars to wash or lawns to mow, i NEVER ask anybody for free money... also theres temporary help from local and federal government... they just need to ask them and stop asking you... but is good that you are helping but you need to stop

Answer 10

The fundamental question is why are they in that fix? Is it a loss of employment, medical bills, etc., or is their spending out of control?