Help me, im hurting.?

Question

Im better then him, But Yet I would love to go out with him I love talking to him, Im only 18 and hes 28 But I dont care, Hes nothing like me, Im a good person, so is he, but he has issues, When I was 10 and he was 20 He use to throw me over his shoulder and spin me around until I almost got sick, He ran with a bad crowd and his parents never cared enough to stop him or tried to talk to him about it, He Always played with me When no one else would, He had the police called on him all the time for knife fighting, But I still Cant stop thinking about him.. we've been talking over myspace for 3 days now.. and I just wanna be with him.. My problem is... My mom doesnt apporve of him.. I dunno what to do... All im doing is hurting.. help me.. I know hes changed

Edit* He said to hang out with him and we will talk about going out.

Answer 1

Im sorry but what may sound like flirting to you is just being a good "big brother" to him. Dont try to rush things. Usually in situations like this the guy just watched her grown up and he couldnt think of kissing/love making to her he still may see you as that sweet 10 year old.

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with being someones friend, the lost souls need friends to teach them other ways to hang in life.

BUT

You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you won't be a good friend to anyone. This means:

You can't lower your standards for your own behavior.

You can't let yourself be abused by someone, esp if you are kind of doing them a favor by being their friend when they need one.

That person can't be your only friend, because inevitably they give less to the relationship than you do. You have to have other good friends that can nurture you.

You probably shouldn't give yourself to that person in a romantic relationship. Coupling up with a person means that you merge into an identity with others...while you may lift him up, he will drag you down. So some separation of identity is needed.

If you want to help this person, great. Let him know you can support him when he wants to do the right things, and let him know exactly what you will tolerate, even if you accept that he isn't perfect. As far as romance goes, you probably will not change him...and is this the person you want? Or do you need a project, or do you see him through the lens of fantasy after having "fixed" him?

NO NO NOOOOOOO

PS It's good that you try to accept him and try to care about him. Just don't let yourself get sucked in by his problems.

Answer 3

Even though you are 18 and can make your own decisions now, it sounds like you still live under your parents roof. That would indicate to me that you would be better off not seeing this 28 year old guy your mother does not approve of. It may only get you kicked out of your house, or worse yet, even pregnant. Try to find a nice, decent guy, a little closer to your age that is attainable and that your mother would approve of.
In most case, moms do know best, and just want what's best for their kids.

Answer 4

No one can convince you to want to live. I can tell you that I was once thirteen and miserable. I didn't live with my parents because my mom had bipolar disorder and had beaten me so badly that the police got involved and removed me because it was no longer safe for me to live at home. I felt betrayed by life and lonely. I didn't have friends at school. For that matter, I didn't really have friends anywhere. I got lousy grades and felt like my teachers all hated me, so I didn't really figure I had much of a future. I was - and am - sort of an oddball person. The nice way of saying it is that I've always seemed to march to the beat of a different drummer. That wasn't the way that most of the people in my life put it. It wasn't how I felt about it. I was just always confused by why I was so different than everyone around me. So why am I still hanging around? I wish I could tell you it was because I met a good counselor, but I didn't. I do advocate that you talk to your school counselor because you may not be as unlucky as I was. You may meet someone who can advocate for you and keep the bullies at bay and get you whatever other help you need. The truth is, for me, deep down I've always known I was a survivor. Even when I had zero people in my life that I had any reason to believe could care about me, I kept going. Even when I felt I didn't matter and would never matter, I kept going out of spite. Life handed me sh__, but by continuing to live, I was throwing all that sh__ back in the face of everyone who ever made me miserable. I won't lie to you, middle school and high school were the worst times in my life. But it got way better once I went to college. I had to start at an open enrollment (meaning they accept anyone, even kids with GED's like me) university, but I worked hard and eventually got accepted at an Ivy. I have multiple college degrees now, a great paying job, a husband that loves me for who I am, and kids that I don't mistreat. I've traveled the world and have a life that anyone would envy. I don't feel the need to rub it in the faces of everyone who told me I'd be a junkie or pregnant at 14 because it's obvious that I've made my own way in a world with all the odds against me. Maybe that won't be your reason to live, but I bet if you keep looking you'll find something that inspires you. I no longer resent my parents or my upbringing or all of the challenges that growing up in foster care presented me. At the time it was hell, and I think I was right to be miserable. But there's no doubt that it made me the strong, compassionate human being that I am today. At some point, I made my peace with God. That made a huge difference in my life. Thank your Creator for giving you more fear than you can muster resentment for life. Keep on living and make your life a life that's worth living.

Answer 5

sometimes a person's problems jsut wont go away. ever. not that he;ll knife fight or anything, but this deff makes him different than anyone else, and not in a good way. and your family will be torn apart from it. plus his lack of parent love will deffffff take a toll on your relationship. i think it's really not worht the pain that will come in the long run. these types of things are hard to get over.

Answer 6

i think you,ll find you care for him immensely, you can have really close male friends, but without crossing that line ! i did the same hun, got into a relationship with someone i really cared for, but got me down tho ! had to cut off ties completely in the end cos of all her issues ! your only 18 ,dont want to getting issues at your age hun, cos they,ll stay with you forever ! take care ,terry !

Answer 7

Let him go. I know you've known him for a very long time, think all you want, but that guy sounds like a loser. And your mother is TRYING to protect because she loves you. You can find happiness else where.

Answer 8

Na you prob just want him cause he has the hole bad boy image going on. Who the **** knife fights? they best know how to use it cause if someone ever pulled a weopen on me, would get their arms and hands broke for their trouble. Your just asking to get hurt but its your decision, hopefully youll learn your lesson after a few times putting your hand in the fire.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are wanting to date a father figure. I don't see it working out. But if you want a broken heart, go ahead.

Answer 10

Well You are an adult you can make your own descisions now. If you think he changed try it out.

P.S. remember mothers always right.