Pre-Marital Sex for Middle Aged Couples....?

Question

Do you think premarital sex is okay for previously married people?

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and previously married before. We're 39 & 42. For the first 18 months of our relationship, we engaged in premarital sex. We're both Christians.

According to the New Testament, premarital sex is fornication. But according to the Old Testament, premarital sex was justified amongst engaged couples, widows/widowers (Judah and Tamar in Gen), and divorced couples.

The NT doesn't go into as much detail about the lives of the people, other than Jesus' ministry, the letters of Paul, and his different missionary trips. It states that people who haven't been married should refrain from premarital sex, but doesn't say clearly about widows and previously married people.

The OT goes into great detail about the lives of over 200 people. We see that several people, who are favored by God, engaged in not only premarital sex, but also extramarital sex (David and Solomon).

cont

According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, sex is a physiological need for a human being to survive. It is on the same level as air, food, water, shelter, warmth, and excretion.

Also, Maslow states that humans need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. This level of Love and Belonging includes friendship, sexual intimacy, and having a supportive and communiative family.

I am the type of person who needs to have that reassurance of intimacy and affection in the relationship to maintain my balance.

I'm not looking for loopholes here, but I do wish to have an honest and open answer that I can share with my fiance so that we can communicate and find that happy medium in our relationship that doesn't compromise either one of our beliefs.

Thank you very much for your time and help...

Answer 1

I think that it is okay to make love with someone as long as both people are in agreement and adults. I think that safe sex is good...and there is other ways to have a sexual release without intercourse. Sounds like you both need to know what your own values are to make that call. Your both the one that are living your lives. If you think it is a sin then you should not do it.

Answer 2

Sounds like you have a real internal struggle going on. Trying to justify behavior from scripture to assuage guilt is always a frustrating exercise, especially when there is no need. By proof texting you can make a case for nearly anything. I can only offer my opinion as a true believer that the grace of the Master is greater than our guilt and that sex as an expression of love is a blessing of the creator. I believe marital bonds, even in most of scripture is more cultural than spiritual. Have respect and be kind and enjoy the gift you have. peace

Answer 3

Mercy! Your question delights me, for two reasons.

1. I never would have expected a question like this in "Singles and Dating"!

2. At 45 you're calling yourself middle-aged? I'm fifteen years older than you, and I'm just now starting to admit that maybe I'm middle-aged.

I'm a Christian, and as far as I'm concerned you are doing nothing wrong. Sex is a gift from God to be responsibly and lovingly enjoyed.

You might want to look at why fornication is forbidden. In Biblical times, there was no birth control, and babies would die unless there was a father and a mother around. That is why there is a prohibition against fornication. The prohibition extends to adultery for the stability of the family unit.

Are you going to create a baby that will be raised by a single parent because of an irresponsible partner? It doesn't sound like it to me.

Are you going to destabilize a family unit? I don't think so.

Go for it, and God bless you.

Answer 4

You are consenting adults who love each other. I agree that everyone has a basic need to love and be loved. I don't see sex in that context as anything bad or wrong, but rather a beautiful and satisfying part of your life. You have to decide what you think is right or wrong. I find that when there is a conflict between my head and my heart, if I go with my heart I usually make the right decision. Hope you can get it worked out.

Answer 5

Look, in the biblical times, even polygamy was tolerated. Abraham had sex with two women, so he was polygamous, although he was not married to Hagar! That does not mean you will practise polygamy today.

It is recommended that you try to keep sex within marriage. Just because you are divorced and middle aged, does not give you the license to have sex outside marriage.

However, I would not call you sinner or something like that.

Whatever happened, happened. Just try to avoid such a situation in future, if possible.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Pre Marital sex is considered bad in many relations. But then its your choice finally.

Answer 7

I am a Christian-Catholic as well, so I know where you are coming from, and I say that if you have both been previously married and if you had sex with your former husband/wife, then I would say it's okay.
But seeing as the NT doesn't clearly say anything about widow/ers, I would go talk to your priest and ask someone who would be able to know these kinds of things.

Answer 8

I think it should be called pre-maturity sex when you reach a certain level of maturity i believe you can have sex and it usually happens at age 16-25 but there can be exceptions some people never grow up.

Answer 9

Ummmmmm...get married ASAP!




btw - the Judah and Tamar thing is NOT a good example. (She was pretending to be a prostitute to trick her FIL into taking care of her)

EDIT - The David thing is also NOT a good example. You gonna k1ll her ex-husband and think that is OK too? There is a difference in the Bible of descriptive and prescriptive stories!

Please get some Xian counseling on this matter if Xian values are important to you. These people are all gonna say it is OK bcuz everybody else does it. They are worldly.

Answer 10

i studied the bible prior to touring campuses to become a minister and worked as a christian outreach counselor for two years on a hot line and also acted as a drug hotline info operator and crisus line worker and participated in od rescues , i am a veteran of the us army and have been married 22 years , the bible under Jesus left us clear instructions we cant pick and choose our sins but guess what we all do it some lie some try to cheat caesar out of money some fornicate my wife wont have sex anymore so im doomed to abuse or to die celibate as i consider masturbation a sin as well as adultery or any other so i pray ask God for forgiveness EVERY DAY a friend of mine who stays up late in the word said we cant not sin its built in by God to keep us in humility our flesh betrays our best intentions SO in my opinion do the best you can pray and then trust God for your final judgement i do i cant do any better except to abandon my sick wife and my child who needs both our support to finish school [college] an olde sinner