My name is Kyle and i'm getting married for the first time to my girlfriend of 5 years. I am 24 years old and Anna is 22. I want a small wedding, just close friends and family, but Anna has dreamed about a big wedding since she was a little girl. I dont want to deny her anything in life, but I'm not sure if we can afford the wedding of her dreams. We're still paying off college loans. Is there a way to convince her that her wedding is just too much, or should I suck it up and foot the bill?
My parents and hers both say that they'll chip in, but even with help, Anna's perfect wedding will cost at least $50,000 from my own pocket.
2007-12-26 15:23:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She can still have a pretty dress and pretty surroundings without you two blowing your finances.
It's a matter of keeping things simpler. Talk about what is really important and what is just fluff.
It's not about denying HER anything, it's about what is important to the two of you. Sorry to sound blunt but she needs to grow up and get into the real world. "Nice" doesn't have to mean "spend all the money in the world".
2007-12-26 15:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Kyle, you sound like a sweetheart and Anna is lucky to have you!
I don't think you should 'suck it up and foot the bill' as you put it. $50K is a ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding. You're not asking her to run off to Vegas, are you? I think the two of you should sit down and talk about what kind of wedding you *both* want and compromise on a budget. DO NOT go over the budget for any reason! Fifty grand would go a long way toward buying a home or paying off student loans or paying for college for your future children...please don't spend that on a wedding! A wedding lasts only one day. A marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime. The marriage is the important part and you don't want to start it by being deeply in debt. Money troubles are one of the top reasons couples argue. Compromise. I hope it all works out.
PS - If she insists, let her parents pay for the wedding or get out of it. She's not the girl for you if she can't understand your feelings and compromise with you.
2007-12-26 23:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by aloha.girl59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, since there is such a big difference from your ideal wedding and hers, maybe you both need to meet in the middle.
$50,000/plus for a wedding is extravagant! That's major bucks and time! Every little girl has her dream wedding planned and to kinda say no hurts, but sometimes you have to do that to be in good hands after the wedding.
And this doesn't mean having a little shindig down by the lake, it could be exquisite with good budgeting and help.
Don't suck it up and foot the bill because that's gonna hurt the marriage, yet don't give it all because that can really hurt finances. And plus, if you're still paying off college loans, I'm sure she'd understand....
Wishing for the best!
2007-12-26 23:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by Allgeier 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding. With modern weddings, it's usually a combination of both sets of parents with the bride and groom chipping in too.
There are a lot of corners to be cut when it comes to wedding planning, be it at the flowers, photographers, caterers, location, etc. If you can do it yourself, without a wedding planner, you may save a bundle.
Find out what it is that is necessary--church or no church? Would a garden suffice? Does the dress have to be a designer gown? What about shoes?
The internet is your friend here--particularly for invitations, flowers, etc. Tiffany engraved cotton invitations would have cost us thousands, but we found them for under $250 for 175 (including the copper plate as a memento).
When it comes down to it, plan a budget, and do your best to stick to it. It is only one day in your life. Friends and family are always willing to help, and compromise is part of the package (if you don't compromise for the wedding, will you be able to compromise during your marriage?).
It's a fun, and many times frustrating period, but you shouldn't go head over heels in debt for the party. It's a celebration of love--not money.
2007-12-26 23:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by LV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could put it to her this way..... Instead of paying $50,000 for the "wedding of her dreams"... that would just about enough money for a down payment on the HOUSE of her dreams. A "wedding" is ONE day. Buying a HOUSE is an investment for your futures. Another thing you might tell her that paying off student loans should also be a priority.The less debt you have the more money you will have for buying things for a house. Personally, I wouldn't pay more then about $10-15 thousand toward the wedding (My hubby calls me cheap.. I think im frugal.. lol). Use the rest of the money you were talking about toward paying off debt and saving for a down payment for your house.Good Luck.
2007-12-27 07:46:47 · answer #5 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a good way to approach the topic with your lovely lady would be to explain that you would love to give her everything she desires... however.. unfortunately in life we dont always get what we want.
Tell her you are willing to compromise...
If she really wants the wedding of her dreams, and respects you and your wallet, she will hopefully make some sort of compromise to help cut the budget to something a little more realistic and less extravegant..
perhaps she could make her own invitations, buy a pre-loved dress etc... there are so many ways to cut the costs..
2007-12-26 23:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by shakra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner and I have a similar issue - though my idea of a 'big' wedding is still nowhere near the $50k budget!
I made a solem promise to my partner - for no reason will we argue about our wedding! We are getting married because we love each other and want to BE married, not just GET married.....it isn't all about the wedding - it's all about the rest of our lives together, so I refuse to fight with him about the day itself, as any fight we may have can impact upon the health of our relationship.....and that just seems silly to me.
Ask your girlfriend what is important to her, and help her understand what is important to you.....when you mutually understand each other you will be able to compromise and hopefully jointly create your perfect day.
Good luck!
2007-12-26 23:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless you are wealty i dont see spending more then 25,000.00 on a wedding esp if your a middle class working family and just getting out of school and got loans to pay i say sit her down and be more realistic with the vision of the wedding trust me you dont need a open bar that is a few thousand you can save and horderves can also get cut out shop around for limos and music and also locations look into a earlyer wedding a wedding at noon and having lucnch is cheeper then a late wedding doing dinner
my sister got married and had a nice wedding with all the goodies for 12,000.00 and that included food for 180 guests all the dresses hers and the bridesmaids there were 3 bridesmaids and a flower girl tux rentals photos dj video church and venue and favors and flowers everything and she had a awsome buffett with chicken prime rib and ham
2007-12-27 01:05:52 · answer #8 · answered by rodeogirl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok i am not the one that really needs to answer this question. I spent 108 thousand dollors on my wedding. I was spoiled and I wanted a huge wedding and I got it. I was able to. U also have to remember that its not about spending lots of money its about loving one another and knowing what each other wants in lfe.
2007-12-27 11:14:54 · answer #9 · answered by Alisha Dover 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u guys should compromise make it not a large wedding but maybe medium sized and half the price weddings can be and are very expensive explain to her the financial part
2007-12-26 23:27:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋