So I am a white 18 female seeing a 19 black male- and we have been dating for almost 4 months. I love our relationship and I am so happy with him. Well one thing that is really bringing me down is how much criticism i seem to get. people always ask me- so are you like into black guys? or do you only date black guys? it bugs me why should they have to even ask this? why is this strange to them so they have to question it?
SO I am wondering- can anyone out there relate to my situation? It can get really upsetting I just want people to accept the fact that I date who I please no matter their race.
2007-12-26 15:20:05 · 21 answers · asked by katiemcmahon07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Big thumbs up to you, honey. I am a biracial female and the thing is that in society today people as a whole still feel strange with interracial relationships and children. I think that the only thing that should matter is if you are happy and if somebody asks you if you are only into black guys you should ask if they are only into your business.
On a side note, people ask because they don't understand and he probably gets the same flack. What will really stick in these people's craw is the two of you making it, being happy, so just stick your nose in the air at them.
2007-12-26 15:27:52 · answer #1 · answered by Cookie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what i understand this sort of critical reaction, or at least the getting a lot of stupid questions, is a pretty common experience for people in interracial relationships. One big factor is where you live - if it's a small town or someplace that is segregated, it's going to be worse than if you live in a big city, or a town that is very diverse.
If it's your family and friends that are the problem, sometimes the criticism dies down once they see the relationship is solid, long-lasting, true love, marriage, etc. They might have some ideas that it's just a fling or a curiosity thing. If they are bigots, it will not die down, not for a loooong time.
2007-12-26 15:29:35 · answer #2 · answered by annalisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can definitely relate to you except Im african-american and the last guy I dated was white
It can be uncomfortable and people may ask you annoying or rude questions
every once in a while you might get a couple of stares but society is alittle different now and interracial couples are like the hottest thing-lol and its been around for a long time
but seriously- all that matters is the love you have for eachother, dont let it bother you because it can hold you back and you could regret it
Its strange to most people because of how they were brought up and how their parents raised them, society's views of certain races and stereotypes might cause them to think differently about one another or ask questions that have common sense answers
At the end of the day love has no color and people shouldnt be so prejuidice because we are all people
Remember what matters is the connection you guys have =]
i hope this helped =]
wishing you the best with your relationship!!
2007-12-26 15:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by Chantal H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you live you can expect this to happen.In a big city you will not get as much of a problem but in a small country place it can be brutal. if you date him you will have to expect this problem as part of the territory . It may not be right or fair but life is not fair and this is a problem in our country.
There is nothing you can do except try to ignore it. if you go out to eat and you are seated at a place near people who are bothering you ask to be moved for example. Just have to ignore the people the best you can. You cannot make people do what is right or think what is right or agree with you . It is not possible. people are people and no one is better than the other and should not be judged by skin tone but it happens anyway.
2007-12-26 15:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a while female in a relationship with a filipino boy, so I can kind of relate to how you feel. Like it or not, people are always going to notice- I get remarks about how our babies would be asian, and people ask me whether I always like dark men/asian men or w/e. basically, people are too narrow-minded to accept it because it is like a fraction different from what they consider normal. But I prefer to laugh it off. People won't change- the only thing you can control, is how you deal with the people. When they say, "so do you only date black guys" just grin and say "nah, but I do only date guys so you're half right". Good luck. It's hard but if the relationship is good and means a lot to you then it will cease to matter what people say eventually.
xxC
2007-12-26 15:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't even worry girl. They are just lame for even criticizing you. Don't let the haters get you down. lol I don't understand why some people do that to others. First of all, it's rude, and second of all, they aren't in the relationship, you are. I can't relate to your situation, because I have never dated. But my cousin's gf is white, and we all don't say anything. All that matters is how your bf treats you. So don't worry about the lame-os out there. Hugs!
2007-12-26 15:36:30 · answer #6 · answered by Hugo rocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't lie, I've been in something similar like that in the beginning when I was in a relationship with my ex who was asian(I'm black). Those questions never bothered me at all for some reason, I just paid attention to the relationship and not society(too many people are annoying when they get all in your business). Just ignore them and move on with your life, you only live once!
2007-12-26 15:30:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you love each other and he respects you. People have their preconceived ideas and just say mean things with limited or no experience in interacting with different races. In a few cases they may be jealous that you have the guts to go with your true feelings.
I dated an east indian girl years ago and she was reluctant to be open about our relationship with her friends and family she ended up in an abusive relationship arranged by her parents and by the time she was ready to be open about us, I had moved on.
Just know that after a while the comments and remarks will go away.
Good luck
2007-12-26 15:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by Init to learn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. There are two answers you can use. I've used both and they either like it or lump it. The first is, "Why would you ask that?"
The second is, "I date guys that I'm attracted to and know how to treat me." You could elaborate if you want but it would be too much of an explanation that they don't deserve.
And yes, it takes a lot of chutzpa to even ask you that. Don't let them rattle you if you're happy.
2007-12-26 15:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by mojo52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure who's asking these questions, but in my mind you don't owe anyone an answer to these type of intrusive questions. You don't have to justify your relationship to anyone by explaining your motivation for dating your BF- whatever his race. Feeling criticized may ease with time- as your confidence in the relationship grows with time. If you feel a need to address these stupid comments, If it were me, I'd just respond with a vague, generic "we are very happy and committed, thanks for asking". I guess they are so focused on their own limited experience they can't see outside the box.
2007-12-26 15:28:02 · answer #10 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋