My teen daughter?

Question

Yes, I've asked this before, but I'd like more answers.

My daughter is 15yrs old and she is starting to change I fear for the worst. Her fav. color used to be blue but now it's changed to black ( no big deal) now all she wants to wear is black clothing. She's started listening to these bands: korn, avenged sevenfold, system of a down, greenday, kill hannah, and sum 41. I'm really worried about these bands could you please tell me if they have suicide lyrics or anything I should be concerned about? I'm really worried about her she's stopped hanging out with her old friends and now she has "new" friends that I hardly ever get to see. I've only got to see this one guy named Aaron who wears tight jeans which is really awkward to me he has TO ME longer than normal hair for a guy not like past the shoulder or anything but that's besides the point. Everytime I see him he is wearing these tight clothes. Should I be worried about my daugther please help me with this situation. Thanks, Judy.

Answer 1

Sounds to me like normal teenager behavior. I would do my best to maintain open & clear communication channels, set curfews and limits, and be a parent more than a friend. If she has a cell phone, use it to keep in touch. If she doesn't have one, buy one under a cheap plan. Watch for signs of depression or destructive (to self or others) behavior.

Answer 2

Ugh, I used to listen to these bands and I've never, like, cut myself or anything. Don't worry about them, Korn and Avenged Sevenfold are kind of crappy but they're cool. System of a Down is actually a politically-involved band that so happens to play really good music, so they're better. Green Day is OK, too, even though they sometimes include sex and drugs in their lyrics, but I've never done drugs listening to their songs; they're mostly meaningful. I don't know much about Kill Hannah, but Sum 41 is simply pop music pretending to be rock. Don't worry about it. Be grateful she's not listening to black metal.

But the fact that she doesn't bring her friends over is a fact you need to worry about. Make sure you know all her friends and tell her you have to meet ALL her friends (as in, ALL) at least once or she can't go out. And about this Aaron guy, just PLEASE don't judge a book by its cover. Just because he wears tight clothes and has "longer-than-normal" hair doesn't mean he's a bad kid. You have these clean-cut kids that dress like preps and have heads three-stories tall, and then you have these emo kids that are the nicest people on the planet. You get that a lot, you know, with different subcultures.

Ask yourself: how does Aaron act around you? Is he quiet? If so, maybe then he's just shy. Is he rude? THEN you should worry. And make it a point to talk to your kid about stuff. Ask her how her day's been and if she like, goes out to concerts and stuff, you should consider a curfew, or make her come home IMMEDIATELY after a concert.

But be forewarned: just because you think you're keeping your kids on a short leash doesn't mean it's automatically effective. Kids are much smarter than you think and if they're really daring or impulsive, they WILL find a way around your rules. Come on, you were a kid too, I'm sure you or someone you knew was like that at your age. :P

I'm not saying you should be paranoid or keep pacing the floor trying to think of better methods to keep your kids under control. I'm just saying whatever you do, be prepared for the worst.

That's all I can say, really. Good luck, and I'm sorry if you're not comfortable with all my suggestions. And don't worry about it; she's just at this stage wherein she's trying to fit in. We all were at that age. Have faith; she'll realize when she grows older that it's not always wise to follow the crowd. :)

Answer 3

I have and still am going through this with my nephew, He started doing exactly the same thing when he was 13 and he is now 16, He got into Marilyn Manson ( I think i spelt his name right) and all this other crap and he turned Emo, His parents said it was just a phase he was going through but it has been nearly 4 years and it is no phase. He is drinking, doing drugs, having sex with any guy/girl he meets and has cut himself as well. He has even tried to kill himself.If i was you try to keep a close eye on her and know where she will be and where she is going. How old are these people she goes out with? I don't want to scare you or anything but i think she is having sex and drinking and maybe doing drugs. I have 4 kids all young but i would never let them listen to the music your daughter listens too. I have let my kids listen to 2 greenday songs and i think that band is ok but the rest of it some young teenage kids take the lyrics the wrong and they go insane especially if they play the songs backwards because it sends out a different message.

Good luck to you and god bless.

Answer 4

i was the same way a few years ago. i was depressed but grew out of it. I still listen to those bands because they do have song lyrics that are not to sexually explicit and they don't discriminate women about being hoes and sluts. dressing like that is the hip thing now a days. now with that boy. wearing tight jeans and having longer hair is also the new skater look. its nothing to be too worried about. the only problem is that you should kind of watch out on how she acts and have to sit with you once a week and just have time to sit down and talk about things. don't let her go out as much with people you don't know. you should know the kids and or the parents for her to be hanging around with all the time because you never know who they are and what they might be capable of doing. hope this helps

Answer 5

None of the things that you mentioned individually are probably a big deal, but together, they could be a big deal. Anytime anyone, regardless of age, makes a bunch of changes in their life and personality, you have to wonder why.

I would try to find out if your daughter is depressed. Is she taking drugs? Is she drinking? Smoking?

As far as the bands, I don't know much about them, but I have heard their lyrics aren't the best. You can research lyrics on the internet. That is probably your best bet, because then YOU can decide whether you are comfortable with what she is listening to.

Don't just let this ride. It could be no big deal, but it could be something major.

(My brother is 15, and just went through the same thing. My parents caught it in time, and got him into counseling. But, it was headed in a very dangerous direction.)

Answer 6

She could be joining the trend that is goth or emo/scene

Whether or not she is truly emo, to the point where she is self inflicting pain onto herself, is what you have to lookout for. If she starts wearing bracelets and armbands alot, there may be cause for concern.

About half of those bands USUALLY don't have lyrics linked to suicide, the other half i've never even heard of.

Aaron just seems like a tool, as any guy who wears tight jeans is.

Answer 7

those are pretty popular bands. its a stage. she is 15. im 18 now and honestly my whole freshman year i wore nothing but black, fishnets, and baggy jeans held up with safety pins. by the time i was a sophomore i was back on the cheerleading squad. its totally normal, al my friends had a punk/goth period at some point. the bands you mentioned are pretty pop-ish punk music. its nothing i would be too worried about. when i was younger i thought i was hot stuff cuz i knew all their words, but now i realize they are pretty much just cover bands that you can hear on mtv any given day. the lyrics are certainly questionable but lucky for you, they are more about how much they hate and blame their parents than about wanting to actually do any physical harm to anyone. i also wouldnt stress about the tight jeans or long hair on the boy. he is just trying on the look too. its not the music or friends or clothes you need to watch. as long as her eating habits are the same, and she doesnt pick up habits such as drinking or smoking im sure she will be fine. i have never seen a friend skip right to being proactively self destructive without displaying CLEAR signs before hand- anorexia, smoking, drinking, etc. and please try to focus on the good here. you have at least met one of her friends, and aside from some questionably clothes you have nothing negative to say about him? he doesnt really seem too bad to me. im sure you parents weren't thrilled with how you dressed or who your friends were at that age. she's just rebelling a bit. it will pass

Answer 8

I'm so glad you're a watchful and good mother! :)
I'm 13 and I love those bands, but I don't hang out with people like that. I'm sure the people she hangs out with are referring to the "emo" scene. It's very hip these days, but I dont' like it that much.. it's just... not new and very overdone. Then again, it could be "emo", "punk", or "rock" styles that she likes. It's a phase, but keep a watchful eye on her. We don't want her to make foolish decisions. Keep an hawk-eye view of her grades. Are they declining? The bands aren't too bad... Korn is hard metal, SoAD is metal, Green Day [in my opinion] is irritating and emo-ish. Sum 41 is just complaining blabber, and Kill Hannah? I've never heard of that one. But, like others said, google the lyrics online. Good luck. :)

Answer 9

I wouldn't be too concerned. I'm 19 years old, but I went through a very similar phase when I was that age. Granted, I did do some things that parents probably wouldn't approve of and hung out with people who I knew were both bad influences but also had no future, I eventually came around and saw how these people changed me and got myself together. I'm sure all of us did things our parents wouldn't approve of, though. If you are confident in the way you raised your daughter, then she should know better, or at least have the tools to recognize when friends start to act more like bad influences and less like "real" friends. As for the music, I still listen to bands very much like your daughter--I don't think the music should be a reflection of her though. I used to dress "punk" or whatever your want to categorize it as, but I'm more of a girly-girl now than I ever was, and I still listen to that music because it's what I like.

You shouldn't stray too far away from knowing her friends, though. You may not necessarily like all of them, but, at least in my case, my parents usually knew who I was with because they made it their job to know as parents.

Answer 10

It's a phase she's going through. My sister is going through the same thing. I've never heard of kill hannah, but the other bands aren't too bad. There is much worse music she could be listening to believe me. As long as she's not doing drugs or doing anything to hurt herself, I would let her be. Wearing black isn't the end of the world. The boy sounds "emo". It's a new trend that a lot of younger kids are into to. It's really no big deal as long as they aren't hurting themselves (drugs, cutting, choking, etc).

Answer 11

nothings wrong with these bands . thay have been know to acctually save lifes by making people feel like there not thte only ones .like take greenday for instance they have been doing some enviromental work and have been fighting for great things . this guy aron might actually be a nice guy who cares about his tight cloths thats just what ur daughters interested in just. just ask ur daughter what she likes about him and ull see how great he really is. the reason why she isint bring her friends around is that she fears that u would like them and ban he from seeing them or her friends are rally shy. hope that helps