Which I'm pretty sure is a bad thing, she has a lot of friends on myspace, most of them she never met. She is very famous at the local shopping center and is always surrounded by people. She goes out partying a lot too, and I can't even keep up with her friends. She is barely 16 and she hangs out with college students. I know she drinks, and I'm pretty sure she's having sex, and this is not the lifestyle I really want her to have. She's never home and half the time I don't know she's alive. She never answers her phone when I call her, and when I punish her she just sneaks out and ignores me. I don't know if she's going to school, or just ditching, and it's really bothering me. Her father won't even do anything about it, because "he trust her" but I don't. I want her to act like a respectful young lady. How can I get her to stop Myspace-ing, stop partying, stop drinking, and get her to listen to me? I'm quite worry about her because I over heard her talking about a stalker.
2007-12-26 15:03:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Cut her off from MySpace, or restrict it and put it in the living room where you can monitor it. Learn how to use it and find out who she's talking to.
Cut off her cell phone, too. These things are priveleges, not rights. All she's entitled to is a roof over her head, education, clothing, and some guidance (which she apparently isn't getting).
Why the heck won't her dad do anything? He doesn't want to know what she's doing? What, does he need to go on Dr. Phil before he'll believe what's going on?
Somebody needs to lay down the law for her sooner or later. Good for you for stepping up; somebody needs to. Tough love it!
2007-12-26 15:17:25 · answer #1 · answered by shrinkydinkheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you obviously cannot discipline her because you are the step-mom and the dad is not supporting you, so you are very limited as to what you can do.
I would borrow a car from a friend a few nights in a row when she leaves the house. Say your car is in the shop and you don't have one for a while. Then have your friend leave their car around the corner within walking distance but where it won't be seen. Tell your old man you are going for a walk. Then follow her. If you see her hanging out with grown men or going into a club for over 18 folks, call the police anonymously and then book it home. If you see her smoking what looks like a joint or a blunt or drinking what looks to be alcohol, call the police.
If her dad is faced with reality from the police, he will have to do something. If he still doesn't all you can do is leave and find a decent man. Because no decent father allows their young daughter and 16 is young to drink it up, hang out with grown men and whatnot. It just does not happen. Decent parents get involved. He needs to be her father not her damn friend.
2007-12-26 16:08:22 · answer #2 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically Your saying you dont want her to have a social life.Your a Mum,You should know that you just cant change someone.Shes famous?..That means shes Popular.And with that drinking and partying stuff,Talk to her about it.But remember you cant change her,and your her STEPMOM,So you just cant straight away walk into her life and say."Stop going on myspace,Stop Being famous"..Etc.Im really sorry if this is mean but you Say she has no respect for you and you call her a whore?..Sorry but some girls just arent "Young ladies"
2007-12-26 15:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not your daughter, and when it comes down to it, you're not responsible for her, unless you signed some guardianship papers you didn't mention
When i was married, my husband and i had our own kids, and disciplined them separately. It's not right to expect someone else (a spouse, in particular) to take responsibility for my kids... and i wouldn't think of disciplining HIS kids unless i was left in charge, if he were working or had to be away....
Your step daughter apparently doesn't have much direction or guidance...it's not up to you to give it to her. If she's out of control, look to her parents because they have created this mess... It's not your fault.
I'm sure you are concerned and even worried...
Your step daughter is seeking negative attention, perhaps because that's the only type she's ever known from her own parents? It's typcial. And your husband is turning a blind eye, because it's easier than being consistent and giving rules.
2007-12-26 15:18:57 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry that your having such a hard time with her..if i were you i believe that i would sit both the mother and the father down with her and talk to all of them about your concerns..they are her parents,but being her step mother and it sounds as though you care about her alot and want what is best for her,,and what is best for her certainly is not to be doing the things that you have mentioned at the age of 16 yrs. old...she needs guidance,and rules,she is not an adult,,and if you all don't work together to settle her down she could end up in alot of trouble..it may take something extreme to get thru to her,,but i would start out with trying to talk to her with her parents..there is power in numbers and she needs to see that ALL of her parents are united and feel the same way about all of this...good luck....
2007-12-26 17:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
teens do tend to be rebellious.... the best thing you can do is to talk to her, tell her what are the consequences of her behaviour... she "might" be doing this because she's trying to rebel against you (just a guess)... do ur best that u can make her trust u more... if she can't treat u as a real mother, try being her friend....
there's always a tendency that an adolescent adapts the behaviour of the people she surrounds herself (peers). May be it gives her pleasure of feeling important with her friends now. make her feel important to you and ur husband
2007-12-26 15:23:31 · answer #6 · answered by ♀ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not your child. She has a mother and a father who are ultimately responsible for her and if they don't want to take responsibility, its on them. Tell her that you are worried about her and you are there to talk any time she wants. Tell her you love her and then back off.
You can't just start parenting a child when they become an obnoxious teen.
2007-12-26 15:36:22 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No wonder she doesn't respect you, you are calling her a whore! Maybe you should try talking to her about all of this, lay down the law, stop calling her a whore. Start there and see what happens.
2007-12-26 15:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by Katie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well try a different method of punishment... like take away her cell phone, computer, internet... whatever. Talk to your husband... you should have some say in this situation, I'm sure you help take care of her.
2007-12-26 15:08:39 · answer #9 · answered by tuyet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to confront the father.......not the child.
The child has issues......but the only one who can address them effectively is the father and he has blinders on. Work on removing those blinders.
2007-12-26 15:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by momwithabat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋