I've realized over time, I've had this increasing desire to be a mother.. not only a mother, but the mother of my love's children. He means the world to me! I want to share something so special as having children together. I know he and I will be working partners as parents.. neither of us will do "most of the work". With all this going on through my heart and brain nearly all the time, I'm unsure if I'll be able to put this off until I graduate from college. Now, looking back at my feelings, it seems like the last how many months I was just at a "plateau" where I thought there's no way I could want them more than I did. I want them even more now. Right now, I feel like I need to ask him if I promise not to say anything until it feels like I cannot bear it anymore if he'd agree to let it happen also. He wants us to have children as much as I do. I don't imagine myself hitting this point until senior year, is it a bad idea? :(
2007-12-26 14:21:40 · 7 answers · asked by TashaD 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have a busy life right now... It'd be great if I didn't have to go to school full-time and nearly work full-time on top of it, but I really want to finish school. I don't want to drop out. I want to be able to be proud of myself and say I did it on my own.
I know it's a bad time to be desiring a family with the love of my life, but I can't help it. I yearn for it so much!! I've got to the point where I nearly cry when I see my relatives' or friends' kids. I adore children and I always have.. maybe that's why my mom told me I was born to be a mother and a worker. I want everything.. a career and a family. :( I'm just having a hard time balancing both desires.
2007-12-26 14:56:18 · update #1
My boyfriend and I aren't married or officially engaged right now because he says he wants to do the right thing and wait for me to completely finish up school first. He said he also wants to give me the chance to meet other people so that down the line, I won't feel like he didn't give me other options. He has always been loving... I feel like I've probably loved him even before I knew him. It seems like he feels the same way because he's sacrificing his happiness every day.
He plans to one day just work as a photographer and be a stay at home dad. He told me that's his dream.
2007-12-26 15:23:58 · update #2
Well, I know you want to be a mom. Who wouldn't? It's great, but, if you're ready, you have to start thinking like a mom. There are many unseen potential problems that could go along with a pregnancy....what I mean is, just like anything dealing with children, pregnancy hardley ever goes as planned. With my first child, I had to stop school, because my daughter was in the hospital for 11 weeks after she was born.
I also had complications before she was born, so i had to stop working, ect. at 7 months.
I'm 34 weeks with my 2nd and still havent started back. It's alot harder after you have kids, especially if you work. I have decided to push school back until they get in school...which is a good 5 yrs from now. But, with my present circumstances, it would be impossible for me to work, go to school, make Jada's doctors appointments, and spend time with my babies all at the same time. And since you're craving motherhood...i would imagine that you want all of the time with your kids that you could possibly get! I know i do. I'm considering online classes, but there's still alot on my plate right about now....but it might be a good idea for you if your school offers it!
But....if they don't....I would definately reccomend waiting, because it makes it alooot easier on you, and the kids....you won't feel like you have left something undone or unorganized. ....thats what i feel like and as a mother it drives me nuts!! lol. Hope this helps...good luck
2007-12-26 14:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by Jada and Ty's mommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You seem to want children very badly. I think that if you are in college, you should wait and try to graduate. Not that it's impossible, but it will be a lot harder to continue your coursework if you have a baby. I don't know of one family where the mother and father (or mother and mother, etc.) share the parenting equally. You will both be working and/or attending school if you have a baby now and then you won't have the time to spend with the baby you wanted so desperately. If you decide to delay finishing school for a while, you will be with the baby full time, but that is exhausting too. The baby's father won't be parenting equally because you'll be home all day with your child while he's at work and/or school. And as old-fashioned as this sounds, don't you think you should get married first? My own marriage didn't even last five years, so I know that getting married isn't the answer to the questions of the universe, but if your boyfriend is unwilling to commit to YOU in that way, what makes you think he will be able to commit to being a decent father? That's a much bigger commitment as far as I'm concerned. A person can get out of a bad or unhappy marriage, but once you're a parent, you're a parent for life.
Discuss your angst with your boyfriend. Tell him how badly you want children and how you don't think you can wait. Go over all possible scenarios: staying in school, then graduating, (getting married?), having a baby/delaying school and having a baby now/who will work? Who will finish school? Who will care for the baby (you, him, daycare, nanny)? There is a lot to consider here and the choices you make will certainly change your life. If you were my daughter I'd ask you to wait and finish school.
Would you consider moving in with your boyfriend and getting a puppy? I know it's not the same, but you learn a lot about someone when you live with him and it might help you decide whether or not this guy is FOR SURE the right one for you. A puppy is a big responsibility, though not half as much as a child! You might want to try this first and see how things go. Best of luck to you.
2007-12-26 23:19:52 · answer #2 · answered by aloha.girl59 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, it's not a good idea. You're imagining a fairy tale, my dear. The reality is that if you're still in school and haven't started your career, it's going to be a less than desirable situation. You won't be able to provide for your children the way they deserve, and you will be very stressed. Trust me, kids are expensive.
Finish school and get married before you talk about having children. Think about your future children before your own feelings - when you're a parent, the children's needs come first. And what's best is for you to wait. If he's really Prince Charming, he'll still be around when you're more prepared to be parents in a few years.
2007-12-26 22:36:28 · answer #3 · answered by SoBox 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i dont know how old you are, but i would get the right things in place first. live together, get engaged, get married then make babies. mayb its the course you have chossen that is just not interesting you anymore, so your thinking of other things. get busy, get active, keep your mind busy, change your college course... and give everything else your best for the time being. if you still feel the same in 6months or a years time, talk to your mother - mothers are great. talk to your partner. if you really dont want to finnish college then dont, you can always go back later but at least wait till he's finnished college before you have kids. you need one of you out there working. , making a dollar.
2007-12-26 22:46:59 · answer #4 · answered by Moz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Finish school first. The kids can wait.
2007-12-26 22:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by sharkyincanada 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what you want, but make sure hes on board :)
i would wait to finish school because kids wil make it hard. but if that doesn't matter then have them when you feel ready
2007-12-26 22:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by 3 girls call me mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its your life and your choice, just be responsible. You cant give the kids back once you have em.
2007-12-26 22:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋