Raising a spoiled "Brat"?

Question

I hate to call my daughter a spoiled brat but that is exactly what she is. We punish her time out going to her room no spanking, but nothing seems to work. She is sassy, rude and plan mean to me especially. I was raised with spankings and turned out just fine. Im wondering if this is how I should start to punish her.

I work in an elementary school and I would say over 75% of kids today are brats and I wonder if this is from the lack of discipline in homes? You don't have to work in school to notice it either just go around children. Is it just me or does anyone else see this.

I'm not saying the reason is because few ppl spank I don't know the reason all I need a is advice on how to get an 8 yr old to show me respect.

I do take tv, video games, computer, ect. away from her its just so hard sometimes. I mean for her grandparents even to my husband she is the perfect little angel that is what they see. (My husband gets both sides but mostly the angel side). I have been a stay at home mom my husband is in the military, now I work at her school. So we are always together I wonder if this might play a part in her behavior toward me. The past few years I have completely cut back on buying her things except holidays and birthday. She isn't always a brat I mean she is my baby (an only child) and has her moments. Its just take this past weekend we took her to see the lights at Dollywood and took her cousin (her idea) she acted like a 2 yr old waiting for a show it was soo embarrassing When your out in public and this happens what do you do? My hubby straighten her out by telling her he would take her out and spank her. People around us started looking at him like we abused her or something. I'm Lost

I wanted to say she does play outside mostly (takes after her father loves to be outside in the pool, on the trampoline, or just playing. Someone said something about her going out and getting fresh air, she does, but she also plays video game and watches tv on occasion also.

I want to thank everyone for their advice. I do blame myself I don't know where I went wrong at. When she turned 9 months we moved to Italy and thats when I started the spoiling I just felt like we had took her whole family away (grandparents) and i wanted to fill the void we both had I guess. Now trying to correct my mistake is going to take time and paitence I guess. But again Thanks

Answer 1

Respect is not gained by physical force simply treat her the way you want to be treated. Spend a lot of time talking to your daughter and explaining what you expect from her. When your daughter is accustomed to a certain way that is all she knows try to expose her to other things. For instance if she loves going to movies roller skating or whatever make it once a month she'll be allowed to do so if she misbehaves she can't go for two months.When she acts out of line don't just take away her special treat or give time out explain to her what she did wrong and let her talk about what she could of did instead. Talk it out!

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/big-kid;jsessionid=4016CF704EBB37724C5A6B11CDF0FFB1.01-01?intcmp=Nav_Global_Bigkid


http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_the-respectful-child-how-to-teach-respect_67920.pc

Answer 2

If you think spanking will work and you're happy to use it then try it. Just make sure that you're also being firm and consistant with her the rest of the time.
At 8, she's well old enough to know how to manipulate her parents, and time outs and going to her room isn't a big deal to a child her age.
I would have stepped up the punishments big time by now if it was me. The reason she is not being respectful is because you're not giving her reason to be. What real consequence is there for her behaviour if she just goes to time out for a few minutes? There's not a whole lot of authority being shown to her. You need to start making her realise that you are the boss, you are the parent, and you are in charge, not her.

Let her understand that all her priviliges need to be earned. She's not entitled to be a 'spoiled brat', she is required to behave well and do the right thing if she wants to have anything given to her. Show her that you mean business and start taking away treats, playtime, toys, etc, anything that she doesn't actually need, until she understands that you are in charge.

You mention a lack of discipline in homes, and I agree 100%. But I also think discipline takes the form of modelling, guidance and teaching. You need to show your daughter the right way to treat others, especially her parents, and tolerate nothing less than total respect for yourselves and others in your home. I'm in no way opposed to spanking, and if you think it will have good effect then it's something you should use. Just make sure the rest of the discipline goes hand in hand.
Good luck, hope that helps.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with a spanking but that is more for toddlers who you cant reason with and to avoid dangerous situations. I personally think the longer you wait to correct a child , the harder it becomes. And it is the parents fault because we are raising kids in our image.
I think you should give a little less material items and a little more work helping around the house. Make her go outside and play and get some fresh air. Also when you say no , mean it . Dont say punishments you have no intention of doing or arent capable of following through on.

Answer 4

I completely lucked out with my daughter, she is my only child and she is pretty well behaved.. which is puzzling, since I was a real pain in the *** as a kid, but anyway she is 8 aswell and she had a period when school started up again where she became realy mouthy, turned out that it was the influence of another child, once my daughter stopped hanging around with her, the attitude stopped.

I think that it has a lot to do with parents today, many of them just dont give a damn. They are to busy with work or their own lives. When I was growing up, a lot of mom's where stay at home, and the dad worked.. but in todays home, both parents are usually required to work, which usually results in a kid left with this one and that one, which means a lot of different people are raising them, or their left to care for themselves. Also, in some states "spanking" is illegal, and saying "dont do that" or sending them to a room that is nothing but a mini toys r us, does nothing.

Personally, Ive never spanked my daughter, she gets three strikes, if she started acting out where taking the phone, tv, friend priveledges away didnt work, believe me, she would get her bottom paddled. I didnt work my behind off to have a spoiled and hateful kid.

Good luck

Answer 5

At age 8, your daughter may well start to regard her mother as a competitor or just as the person who is spoiling the fun. As a first step, you may talk with her about the image she has of you, and that it is normal that she feels frustrated now and then... but that she needs to pay you respect and treat you in a kind and friendly way at all times. As a second step, you may tell her that you love her but will no longer accept open disobedience and bratty behavior. It might be a good idea to set up rules of proper behavior together with your daughter - if she agrees to them there is a better chance that she will adhere to them. Third step, it has to be clear to your daughter that from now on the rules will be strictly adhered to. You tell her what the consequences of rule-breaking will be. Since taking away toys and privileges doesn't seem to faze her much I would not hesitate to introduce spankings as a last resort. I spank my daughters (11 and 7 years old) when necessary, with my hand and on their undies, and even the threat of a spanking is often enough to curb misbehavior. Fourth (and most important) step, you stick to the rules and enforce them.

I assume that your daughter is bright and will learn quickly how to adapt to the new regime. That should give you a few quiet years till puberty begins in earnest.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

First off, you have to MEAN BUSINESS. Unfortunately, you have to start when they are toddlers, so you have some catching up to do. When you are not in the business of MEANING BUSINESS, the tone of your home should be pleasant. loving, and fun, but you have to have it firmly in your head that YOU are the boss, not your child. MEANING BUSINESS will get the kind of behavior you want from your kid 90% of the time - but only if you are consistent about following up with the BUSINESS - no, I don't mean spanking. Spanking is what you use to get the attention of a small child who is putting themselves in danger. It is a tool for discipline, not a tool for punishment. Punishment is what happens when discipline has failed. So what is the BUSINESS that you should follow up with?
Disapproval, loss of priveleges, I mean CONSEQUENCES. Immediate and stern consequences for bratty behavior, and do it consistently. Consistency - being a parent CONSTANTLY - is the key; let them "get away with it" just once and you are back at square one. The type of consequences I'm talking about are the ones that make your 8 year old shriek, stomp up the stairs, and be generally pissed off at the world until the consequences are lifted (when my 15 year old was 8, it was a loss of the phone, the tv, AND she was relegated to her room while the rest of the family was playing board games together - oh that really chapped her hide!) Then when the consequences are over, you talk to her, you listen to her, you find out what her point of view is, why she reacted the way she did... then you work on a solution to your conflict that both of you can live with. But, unfortunately, sometimes, she's just not going to get her way because she is a child, and you know what is best, and you have to let her know that, too. Good luck with that.

I suggest reading Dr. James Dobson http://www.family.org/parenting/A000001167.cfm


Edit for additional info: MEANING BUSINESS in public is a matter of body language. You get down on eye level with the child, you tell them to look you in the eye, and once you have their complete and undivided attention you tell them "You are going to behave like a young lady, now, and KNOCK THAT BRATTINESS OFF." The phrase in caps is said in a low, quiet voice with teeth clenched and a frown. Then you smile and say, "Got it?" If she doesn't comply, you leave. You take her by the hand and you remove her from the source of joy. Won't happen but maybe twice more in public before she realizes that mommy means business and if she doesn't quit it, the fun comes to a screeching halt.

Answer 7

I am really not into beating the crap out of any kid........however.........you have taken all her toys away.....tried to talk to her...............grounded her.....and still are not seeing any results? Time for a more direct approach!!!

She does not take you seriously and there are children who will not respond to talking, grounding, taking toys, screaming, fussing, cussing, therapy, pills............so after all that...........your bundle of joy will most definitely pull it together once she gets familiar with that look of impending
a-s-s warming flowing from your eyes. You can spank her without killing her, or without physically harming her. The trick is for you to be completely calm when you are spanking her. No need to scream, cuss, and spank. Just go chill out for a minute and then tell her to go to the bathroom with you. Swat her little *** with an open hand a few times and trust me she will get it together very quickly.

Mines knew "the look" from across a crowded room.......and would darn near kill themselves to stop whatever they were doing.

Answer 8

I know what you mean, all you have to do is go by your local Wal Mart and watch the parents there with their children, you can see who is in control. You have to teach them from a very young age that you are the authority figure and they dont have a choice but to be obedient. We also have to teach them by our examples as parents. You cant teach by saying do what i say to do but you have to teach by letting them see you do the right thing. I was raised also with spanking and it sure never hurt me any and I know I needed them sometimes and got by without getting one. Children want and need those boundries and when we just let them by with everything they feel out of control in their world. Good luck - parenting is not an exact science , sometimes you just have to do what works best for you and your child since they are not all alike.

Answer 9

I would recommend taking things out of her room, maybe she will stop. My husband is military as well, I ended up having to take stuff out of my sons room in order for him to straigthen up. Do you work at a base school? Be consistant and make sure that you give her a warning that your gonna take stuff away and eventually she will not like and will stop acting up. How you raise your child is up to you, you just have to find what works best for your family!! Best of luck!!

Answer 10

I know. I was in the mall one day and this girl who looked about 10 years old bumbed into me and said "Look where you're going dimwit!". I was in tottal disgust with what she said to me. And her mother came by and I told her what she said to me and her mother said "Well you should have looked where you were going and this wouldn't have happened sh*thead!". And the stupidist thing behind that was that she was behind me! I wouldn't really spank her it might not work. I have a cousin who used to be like that and her parents sent her to my aunt and uncles place and they live on a farm and they actually made her do work. She saw how good she had it and started showing her parents more respect. Maybe if you have relatives like that maybe send her there and have them give her work to do(not like one chore and thats all, but to where she'll be working her butt off).