He is 20yrsold, and quit school back around the age of 16, and he does not have driver license, and doesnt work, all he does is stay up all nite and sleep all day, he wont work, my hubby treats him differ than the other kids. I dont know what else do to.
2007-12-26 13:25:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has tried the ged thing, but he pushed me into a wall, and tackled me to the floor, and yes its my business, as i have been married to his dad for the past 7yrs, and this is half my house, i made a list and made him sign it, i told him if he doesnt have a job by feb 1, then i am taking the kids and leaving, i am soo tired of this crap. The boy is half my age, and will not listen to me, and his dad is too dang passive.
2007-12-27 06:56:40 · update #1
bout the ged, he was too lazy to go, he would sleep in, and not want to go, i tried, i am always the one doing things for him but i am soo fed up.
2007-12-27 06:57:44 · update #2
Your husband is doing the kid NO FAVOURS by allowing this situation to continue.
I don't know what it is, but some kids just suffer from a kind of adolescent failure-to-thrive syndrome.
Many parents have a sort of agreement with teen and adult offspring, that gives the kid three options from which to choose one.
1. Live and home without paying room and board, if you are going to school.
2. Live at home and pay room and board if you are working.
3. If neither option is acceptable, go make your own arrangments elsewhere.
Does he stay up all night at home, or does he go out? It is not normal for 20 yr olds to always be home. Is he depressed? He should see a doctor.
Does he go out at night all the time? Smart money is on dope, if that is the case.
Either way, you are doing him no favours by allowing the dysfunctional lifestyle to continue.
Talk to your husband about the three options. AND STICK TO IT. If you don't, there will be an equally dysfunctional girlfriend in your house before you know it--along with a grandchild that you will be raising.
2007-12-26 13:33:54 · answer #1 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is only doing this because you let him, and if you think he will some day see the light and want to go to work and move out, you are wrong...He has it made. He will never develop responsibility on his own, and it is up to you to help him along.
Talk to your husband and develop a plan. Be prepared to spend some money to see it through. Discuss it with the boy, and tell him he has X number of months to get a license, locate a job, and find an appartment. Tell him you will assist him but once the time is up you expect him to have accomplished certain goals. Sign him up for driving school if necessary, and take him to DMV for the test also. At the same time discuss with him how to look for a job online or in the newspaper. Take him to job interviews if necessary. When the time is up, rent an apartment for him, pay a month or two of rent and help him pack and move.
It will work if you stick to it, or he will move out on his own and mooch off friends until they get sick of him.
2007-12-26 21:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this. It must be very stressful for you!
I guess you need to talk things over with your husband ASAP. Your stepson does what he does because he knows your husband allows him to! You need to make your husband understand that he is not doing his son any favors by letting him be a bum....The sooner your husband understands this, then the better for you all.
Perhaps you need to go to therapy or counseling so you can get useful tips on how to handle your stepson's attitude.
20 years of age means he should know the difference between right and wrong, and if he is allowed to live like this, and be a moocher, while his other siblings are judged by different standards, he will continue to think life is easy- and you know it's not.
He needs a reality check, so maybe you should also visit a lawyer and see what your options are. Sometimes people do not understand things until they are faced with REAL LIFE.
Good luck!
2007-12-26 21:39:27 · answer #3 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all starts with your husband
don't do anything that you will be sorry for later
just tell your husband (NOT around the kids) that you want to start 'easing johnny' out of the home...ask your husband if maybe you could get him an apartment and pay the first month or twos rent...etc
talk to him about his sleeping habits...how much it is costing you to have all the lights on at night while he is up...that this amount that you would be saving would definitely help to finance some of the cost for him a new place of his own...tell your husband that 20 is old enough to be out in an apartment...or at least working somewhere!
maybe your stepson is having problems that you don't know about...ask your husband if there is a reason (other than what you know of) of why he doesn't want to be out away from his parents...
2007-12-26 21:37:27 · answer #4 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your hubby don't want him to go. Since he is your husbands child talk to your husband first before doing anything with him. You need to support him and convince him to at least go get his GED and his driver license before throwing him on the street I mean a 16 yr old might not want to go to school but his parents should never let him drop out thats where ya'll went wrong. But if hes up all night online lose the internet no harm in giving him rules to follow under your roof right.
2007-12-26 21:36:20 · answer #5 · answered by blueeyd_princess 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if he was my kid he'd be kicked out! Boys his age shouldn't be hanging around the house like a spider. Quitting school at 16 is a big mistake! He should go to school at night at least get his G.E.D.! The military is a positive option..especially the Army! He needs to get out and be somebody and stop acting like he's a child! He's grown up and your husband needs to quit babying him because it shows it's ok to be a loser!!!
2007-12-26 21:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by The Bear 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all TALK TO YOUR HUBBY about the problem tell him what is on your mind and how you feel, your stepson obviously does't have any responsiblities so give him some and when he wants money make him work for it.
2007-12-26 21:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by emor360 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We handed our son an eviction notice! It was legal and then we had the police remove him (but he finally went willingly)You aren't doing him any favors buy allowing this behavior to continue.He needs to work, and be responsible and your husband needs to stop feeling guilty that he got a divorce from that kids mother-(been there)My husband is no longer a doormat!Yours needs to do the right thing too!Good luck !
2007-12-26 21:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Please don't wait, tell your husband it's time he the boy to get a job or move out. If he doesn't agree you must be prepared to move out . In the long run you will love yourself for making this decision. It won't get better but only worse. Good luck!
2007-12-26 21:35:02 · answer #9 · answered by doctorballs2008 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he has 90 days to get it together or he you willhave him escorted out by the local authorities.
2007-12-26 21:37:37 · answer #10 · answered by Precious1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋