My brother is really upset after seeing our dad watching porn? How can I help him he wont sleep?

Question

It's now 2 am and he wont sleep and I have to be up early so i can't stay up the whole night. He's really upset he's only 9 about seeing our dad watching something he didn't expect to see his dad watching. I'd known he had cd's so I'm not really upset by it so I don't want to push him into keeping a secret and saying it's fine, cause if it's fine he wouldnt be upset. I'm only 16 and i just don't know how to go about talking to him as quietly as possible since our dad is in the next room. Also our mum is away on holiday for christmas so speaking to her is kinda out of the question for now.

I meant he can't sleep he's upset.

I don't think he's addicted. He just has them. Calling my mum is like the hardest thing to do as we can never get through, and she comes home in a few days. I just would find it difficult to speak to my dad or my mum. I just wanna talk to my brother really sort of let him see it's what adults do but if he sees it to say 'eww'. I'm confused as when we had a virus those things came up alot and he was the one who made a loud fuss over it. But this time he just asked to stay in my room and was crying.

Answer 1

Why isn't your father the one dealing with this? It is HIS responsibility, not yours.

The second answerer has made some very good points, as well. Is this an ongoing thing with your father? Is he addicted to this behaviour, do you feel? If so, there are far bigger issues that need dealing with. I would contact your mother and get her to come home right away.

Answer 2

Your father is an adult so it is not illegal for him to watch, it's just not a nice thing. What is wrong is that he allowed a young child to see it. Your father may have a big problem that needs to be taken care of. Your brother certainly is now going to need some help to deal with this. If there is any way to call your mother, do now and get her home. If you can't do that then let your father know what his pass time has done to his youngest son. Caution only talk to your father if he is a good man with the rest of his life. If he has an abusive streak DO NOT TALK TO HIM AT ALL. Wait for your mother.

Answer 3

Although he's seen images like this before, the fact that his dad is watching them is confusing and a little traumatizing. Since time is critical (you need to get up early), I'd suggest that you get him to talk about the intense feelings he experiences when he sees those images. It may be difficult for him to express them but talking about his reactions may help him calm down. You might also add that you'll talk more about it to him tomorrow. His reaction seems more out of fear and dread which may make him wonder about his own body and expectations. If this is the case, tell him his body is his own and no one has a right to make him feel bad about it or make him lose control over how or when it is shown to anyone.
It may be time for a small lecture on sex in general and what proper boundaries are...and how sometimes people don't follow those boundaries like they should (like his dad). You can still love a person even when they don't do things like they should.

Answer 4

AWW.. Poor little guy! That's sweet of you to want to comfort him, and maybe you can just let him sleep in your room and tell him he'll feel better tomorrow. And tell him you understand how surprised he was to see that, and that Dad surely didn't mean for him to see him doing that, BECAUSE it is an adult activity.
Next thing after that when he is able to go to sleep or tomorrow, you need to confront your Dad and tell him how traumatized he was, and put the responsibility where it BELONGS! Squarely on HIS shoulders. sorry to say this, but I hope your Dad ends up feeling like a heel for even having it ANYWHERE in the house where there is potential for children to see it. Best wishes dear. Give your little brother a big hug for me.

Answer 5

It's creepy that your dad was so insensitive. There is a rating on porn for a reason ... it is not appropriate for young eyes.

You will not be able to help your brother feel better. There is nothing good or understandable about what has happened. I would stay at home with your brother, or take him to your favorite relatives place until your mom gets home. It is going to take awhile to sort this out.

Answer 6

Pornography is damaging, especially if a 9 year old happened upon his dad watching it. It is causing him confusion, a lot of pain. He doesnt understand how or why his dad is doing this. Im sure he feels betrayed in the sense that he sees dad as a loving father to his mother also. This is a tough one. In any case, you need to tell your mother. Its not ok. Let your mother handle this.

Answer 7

Obviously, your dad is an idiot for watching this stuff when a kid could see it, and you found it out as well.

Maybe you can tell your brother that grownups watch some really wierd stuff. Dad was careless- there are things that grownups need to keep private because it upsets kids. So Dad made a mistake, and he can talk to mom about it when she gets home. (something like that)

Then try to do something that makes him laugh.

Answer 8

First of all, you are a wonderful sister: your love for your brother is obvious. Second, what your brother is feeling is a healthy, natural reaction of disgust for something truly hateful and disrespectful to your mother. Can you call an aunt, grandmother, or other older, trustworthy adult? This qualifies as an emergency, so I would not hesistate to call Mom, even if she's away. I know that if my baby were traumatized, I would be upset if I were not immediately notified. Mom is the best person to contact.
In the meantime, kiss him and hold him close and let him know that everything will be alright.

Only in a misogynistic society, is it considered "normal" to watch pornography. It teaches males to view the female sex as toys that only exist for their prurient interest, essentially training them to be future misogynes. It also exploits the poor women in the movies, who often have already been sexually abused as children (how much of a choice does a psychologically damaged person have, really?).

Pornography negatively affects your quality of life, warps your judgment, damages your relationships with others (namely, women). It also constitutes adultery: "Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman, so as to have a passion for her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart."—Matthew 5:28. If your mother watched naked men in sex acts, how would your father feel?

A loving husband would not try to trivialize his misogyny, but express his loving support for the woman he promised to cherish forever.
Rather than portraying sexual relations as a beautiful and intimate expression of love between a man and a woman in honorable marriage, pornography demeans and distorts the sexual act. Casual and perverted sex are portrayed as exciting and desirable. Personal gratification with little or no regard for the other person is highlighted.

On the contrary, Love "does not behave indecently," wrote Paul. "[It] does not look for its own interests." (1 Corinthians 13:5) The Bible exhorts men to 'love their wives as their own bodies' and to 'assign them honor,' not to view women as merely objects for sexual gratification. (Ephesians 5:28; 1 Peter 3:7) Is someone, who regularly feeds on sexually explicit images of other people, truly behaving decently? And is that person really showing honor and respect? Instead of love, pornography cultivates self-centered, selfish desire.

It takes a real man to resist this hateful plague. Hopefully, you will help your brother to become one.

Answer 9

I'm sure your brother will watch porn in the future

Answer 10

Just get him to talk about it. Ask him what makes him feel so bad and just listen to him. If he feels scared by it, do tell him it isn't really scary to grownups. Don't act ashamed of your dad, just be matter-of-fact and open about the fact that grownups do things that kids don't understand, and one day it won't scare him either.