How can you be honest with someone and tell them they are ugly without hurting their feelings?

Question

This is a serious question. Serious answers only. There is this girl at school. She's sweet and all and comes up to me and my friends like she's one of us. The problem is she's ugly and I mean beyond Proactive ugly. We haven't been rude to her but we don't encourage her. And it's not just her looks. She's one of those DDR losers. I've prayed that she will leave me alone too. I'm not being mean but she needs to accept how the world works. How can me and my friends let her know without being mean and hurt her feelings?

Tasha - like DUH! I'm asking this so I WON'T hurt her!!!!

Answer 1

Be honest, brutally honest. Once you graduate from high school no one will care about special ed and new age feel goodery. Be gentle but honoest.

Answer 2

She's nice and all, but because she is ugly you don't want to be her friend? Is that the story or did you just explain yourself poorly? If this is the case, and you been praying about her to leave you alone i'll bet you a million dollars that god will use her to teach you a lesson! If you believe in him that is, and since you been praying you obviously does, do you think he refuses to be friends with people because they are ugly? Or that he condemns people that does? I can't believe that you would ask such a retarded question and I can't understand how you can consider this a serious problem! You should see someone about that.. There are people in this world who are starving, who's suffering from abuse or just plain low self esteem but your problem is how to get rid off someone who you think is ugly.. Id more people in your school are as shallow as you are, maybe this girl has nobody, you could actually make a different just by being someones friends. By being the friend of someone you yourself said was nice! How can you not want that? Probably, you don't deserve her as an friend....And, another thing, are you sure you are such a goodlooker??
And I saw someone writing here that you seem like one of these popular types, you don't seem like that to me. You seem like one of does wannabes... popular and well liked people are often there because they have confidence. And it doesn't sound like you do at all..Because if you did, you would have a problem having an "ugly" friend. You wouldn't care what people think...
And just one more thing, I'm just so shocked by someone even asking this question that I have to ask : is this a joke??

Answer 3

You can't possibly find any other reason? That's a bit harsh to want to use the opinion that "you're ugly" as the way to get her away from you.

Obviously the girl is trying hard to be friends and part of the group. But if you sincerely don't wish to be friends, try excusing yourselves in separate directions and being unavailable to chat/hang out. Rather than trying to destroy her self esteem, which is rather mean for someone who has only acted nice to you.

OR... you could attempt to reach a step up on the maturity ladder and consider her a 'friend' in those certain classes or whatever, but not outside of them. Not all friends, or acquaintances, are close friends that you hang out with all the time. I have 'at work' friends that I doubt I'd hang out with outside of work, but while there they are nice to chat with.


Edit: How the world works...is that most of us eventually look back at photos of ourselves during those school days and cringe. Trust me, most people do. Even those that thought they were good looking then, most times they grow up, look at those old photos and think they looked like such a dork really... Most people are not the prettiest kid growing up, most are just *ok*... And many pretty kids grow up to be not so pretty, and sometimes the opposite happens to the kids that were not pretty at all...

Answer 4

Just don't say anything and act like you are busy, if you see her coming try to avoid her. Don't hurt her feelings and scar her for life just because you think she is ugly.Do you care if your guy friends are ugly?

You sound very young, so you have to remember that your actions affect peoples lives and that maybe she is a loser to you because she is not pretty now, but you have no right to ruin her life out of your selfishness or need to be "cool".

Anyway the world doesn't have to work the way it does, be a leader not a follower....

Answer 5

Wow! What you should be praying for is forgiveness for being such a louse!

The real problem here is that you and your friends are jerks. You seem to be under the impression that you'll always be on the top of the food chain but you are mistaken. Based on your shallowness, you will likely peak in high school and will be lesser than most once you're out of school. The good news is that I know you will remember this response when your looks are gone (and they will go fast because you suck) and you have literally nothing to live for. Then again, you will be too self-absorbed to realize this and people will, hopefully, pitty you. But not likely.

Oh, and just so you know, I was both popular and well liked in school but I wasn't a jerk. People remember how you treat them and others and if you were snobbish or not. Fortunately for me, because of how I treat others, many opportunities have come my way by people who you wouldn't have given a second thought to in school and I'm way better off for it.

Answer 6

if she is sweet then she is beautiful. sounds like you need to pray for yourself because god dosent like ugly and you and your friends are being very ugly to her. the way the world works is what is wrong with the world today.she is one of you.god made us all the same.we look different but we all bleed blood, we all need friendship and love, we all cry. i do not know what ddr means but it sounds like you and your friends will be the losers as you will lose a sweet person who could turn out to be the best friend you have ever had. shame on you.outward beauty and your value of it is called vanity and that is one of the seven deadly sins.maybe god sent her into your lives to change your wicked ways and thoughts. something for you to think about. i will pray for you and the girl you call ugly.just because she isnt pretty as a model she has to live in a world where no one will befriend her because of her looks. your reference how the world works is thanks to people like you and your friends but guess what? everything god had given you, he can take away with the blink of an eye.you could get in a terrible accident tomorrow and be hideously deformed for life. then you would know how she feels.if you believe in god and pray then i would be praying for your own forgiveness for being so evilminded and unkind to a sweet person just because they dont meet your beauty standards instead of praying that she stays away from you.sounds like shes a beautiful person on the inside where it really counts.and....maybe you being her friend can help her learn how to fix her hair and buy clothes etc.ever think of that?

Answer 7

Why is she ugly and who are to judge her.So what she doesn't look like you and your friends. Is she suppose to. You sound like the Mean Girls, let her know with out being mean and hurt her feelings, every thing you've said will hurt her feelings. If she a sweet person, why give a fig about what she looks like. She may be the only one who will truly have your back in time of need If you chose friends by the way they look , seems pretty shallow to me.She's probably better off without you.

Answer 8

Whats wrong with being a friend to her
and in a friendly way WITH HER talk Things over WITH HER
about HOW THINGS ARE Concerning her

Whats Wrong with people being Honest and upfront
but in a Friendly way

I dont think one blantently hurts someones feelings
BUT NOT talking is just as bad as doing it Already !!!!!!!

and the DDR Thing ???
GROW UP
and BE an ADULT about it

and be THAT FRIEND and TALK to HER
But NOT in the midst of others for her to be hurt or ashamed
BUT rather she may learn and KNOW!!!!!!!!

AND BEAUTY is ONLY SKIN DEEP
BEAUTIFUL IS TO THE SOUL !!!!!!!

Answer 9

While I understand your plight, I'm going to have to admit that you're teetering a little far into the shallow end of the pool -- if you get my drift. A lot of people seem like they are "beyond proactive" ugly at first, but minor improvements go a loooong way over time. Have you ever seen the biggest loser? Oh my goodness...

Anyway, I suspect, if you're as great looking as you think you are, she may be hanging around you to get some ideas. Maybe she wants to see how you guys care for and maintain yourselves. What do you eat to stay in shape? What do you do to take care of yourself? What kind of hair products and makeup do you use? She may want to know all of these things to improve herself. Why not give her the chance to know? Her dramatic improvements may make her less annoying to you in the long run.

Plus, goodness... the world really doesnt' work that way. As soon as you leave highschool, it all changes on you.

Answer 10

You need to be more concerned that you have zero class, sensitivity, or a heart. Your problems are much more severe than that girl's looks! You said you pray? You might want to re-read the bible and figure out how your god would feel about your total lack of humanity. You need serious help girl. This so-called ugly girl hopefully will see that with friends like you, who needs enemies!

Answer 11

This question is mean. How do you know that other people don't think that you are ugly or unacceptable? If you don't want to be around someone just tell them. There is no need to bring appearance into the mix. It makes you ugly. One fine day someone will tell you that you aren't so pretty or that your breath stinks or that you are a shallow b@*#h and then I want you to remember this post. Mean girl, ugly girl.