What would you do if you suspected that one of your (adult) sons was homosexual?

Question

This isn't about me by the way but I was wondering.
Would you ask him straight out and see what he replied or wait and see if he said anything?
Would you think about his upbringing and wonder if you possibly "caused" him to turn that way - or what would you do?
As I say this is nothing to do with me but the thought crossed my mind and I would be interested in what those who *did* suspect such would do - or what they *have* done.

I've already said that this is not about me personally and I don't want to post it in the "gay" section as I wouldn't feel comfortable there.
I am asking what a *parent* would do in that situation.

Answer 1

I have two boys Joan my eldest is very much a boys boy very macho loves the ladies as to look his best at all times just incase he see's one he likes and so on but my youngest is alot more softer he dresses up with his sister lets her put make-up on him and he does it to her and he loves it, even the other night we were at a friends and he was playing with her daughter's dolls (but is that because I don't make him feel he shouldn't) I don't think he is but it as crossed my mind what would I do if he was, nothing!! he's mine whatever he turns out to be I love that little boy more than life it's self so why would it bother me, to me his little ways just adds to his character makes him more charming and funny it's nothing to be ashamed of. Years ago it was a taboo subject only because it was unheard of but just because we don't hear of it doesn't say it's wrong I have a homosexual friend he's 20 he does my hair he comes my house alot just for a natter and Joan I can't stop laughing with him he's brillant a little tonic so no it shouldn't make a difference at all.

Answer 2

I am not a parent, but I am gay and an adult, so I thought you might appreciate my input anyway.

I think I would have liked if my mother had at least hinted about suspecting my sexuality. It would have made it easier (and a hell of a lot less scary) to come out. It's nice when you're obviously given an opportunity to do something like this, so you don't have to keep worrying about finding the perfect time.

Being gay myself, I would be sad if my mother wondered about my upbringing and whether or not something "caused" me to be gay... I know that nothing did. I was never molested in any way, I had strong mother AND father figures, and I can never remember a time (even in early childhood) that I was attracted to boys. Even on the playground, when you have your little preschool husband/wife, I always wanted a girl.

If I were a parent and I suspected my adult son was homosexual, I would hope he would feel comfortable coming out to me. If not, I would try to leave him hints that I suspect, or at least that it's perfectly okay.

I'm sorry if you don't appreciate the answer, I know I'm not the crowd you're looking for.

Answer 3

I would sit him down and talk to him,then ask him if he has anyhing he'd like to tell or confide in me ,then take it from there. Would it be such a big thing to you if he was? He's still your son and homosexuality isn't catching. He won't have "turned that way" he will always have been like this he's still the same person. You've just realised he's living a different kind of life to the one you expect him to lead. I'd just accept that this is the way he is and carry on loving him just as I'd always done. I think being addicted to drugs is far worse.
My son died 7 years ago in a RTA and I wish he was here with us now. It's the person that you should love, their sexuality shouldn't matter.

Hope this helps and hope you've had a good holiday.
All the best for 2008

Answer 4

Nothing. I'd leave him to tell me as and when he felt ready. Just let him know that you are there for him and that you don't have any problem with people who are gay, and that all you want is his happiness. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference if he is gay or straight, he's still your son at the end of the day!

Being gay has nothing to do with upbringing and you are not "made" gay by anything that happened to you. Its just who you are.

My son is only a baby but I'm sure that I will love and respect him whoever he turns out to be when he's older. I just want him to be happy.

Answer 5

Your son is already an adult and if he hasn't told you that he is or isn't, you shouldn't ask. Time will tell, if he is gay he will eventually find someone worthy enough for you to meet. Until then don't worry so much about it. There is nothing you can do as a parent to make your child turn gay, I believe that is something that just happens. Just love your child for being who he is. I would just leave it alone until he said something. Cause there are guys who are just very neat and clean. Metrosexuals

Answer 6

I woudnt do anything...if they were homosexual then I'd let them tell me when they are ready and comfortable. But I'd lay hints around to ensure that he knew I was ok with it if he was and would be here for him no matter what.

I wouldnt wonder about if I "caused" it because that makes it sound so bad!!! If he CHOSE to be gay then it doesnt change him as my son and change the person he has been all his life. In fact it may make him happier than if he pretended to be something he's not.

Answer 7

I wouldn't care if the kid (son or daughter or ANY relative) was gay. I am gay myself so that would make me quite the hypocrite. I would still love him/her as much as I always have. I would wait until he said something though, there is NOTHING worse than being outed. It's not a choice. Nobody chooses their orientation, gay or LGBT.

Oh, why would you be uncomfortable posting in the LGBT section? That's slightly troubling!

Answer 8

Maybe you could make a point of talking in a positive way about a gay couple, or a gay character in a movie, in front of him. (If you're okay with him being gay). That way you let him know that you don't dislike gay people, in case he's been afraid to tell you. He might be gay, or he might be asexual/immature. He might be juggling six different women in three states but being very subtle about it!

If you would be angered or disapproving, then it would be best to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" approach or risk losing contact with him forever. It's just not wise to get him to confide in you if it will lead to contention in the family. It would be nice to clue him in if your spouse will disinherit him on those grounds, for example. (Chances are he's read the signs if that's the case).

Most people believe that it is genetic. As a parent, it's hard to imagine that you would reject the child you held in your arms for something beyond his control. Doubtful if you did anything to "cause" it. Think about it--could your parents have made YOU gay? Unlikely.

An elderly friend of mine has a gay son who got married. When she and her husband went to the wedding, she was astounded at the number of gay men who came up to them and expressed their gratitude for them coming to the wedding--many of them related stories of parents who had cut them off. And it turns out that her son and his partner have taken better care of them than their other children.

If you're worried about God, it's hard to imagine that people would be punished for the way they are born. With God all things are possible. Focus on love, forgiveness, and mercy and let your priest/pastor take the beam out of his eye if he gives your family a hard time.

As far as the neighbors or extended family goes, it's always a good time to learn who your true friends are.

Answer 9

I can only give you an answer that i asked myself as i suppose any dad would say what have i done wrong..
but its nothing what the parents have done wrong its just how people are born to be, i have 4 daughters and i must admit i once thought about this question if one of them had told me,and i just decided that if she was happy then i didn't have the right to try and change that, even if iam her dad, and she will always be my daughter no matter what,but sadly we have people who don't see it that way......

Answer 10

My kids already know, as children, that some people fall in love with people who are the same gender. They know that some people think that's wrong & are mean to them about it. And, that we think that's sad that anyone is mean to anyone about who they love.

So, I don't think they'd have too much of a problem telling us, anyway.

But, then, it's always weird talking to your parents about your romantic life, straight or gay. So, I'd just let them say whatever they were comfortable saying & continue to be loving and supportive.

Was it your brother?