How should deal with my alcoholic lying sister? She is driving me crazy!!?

Question

My sister is an alcoholic. Her alcoholism has cost her her marriage her job and the custody of her children. I get along great with her kids step mother and I actually prefer the step mother company than my sister's. The problem is that she comes to the family functions and always feels the need to bring up past issues up in front of my other sisters and brothers signifacte others that will embrass us. When we watch movies she cant seem to shut up and when you do call her on her lies she plays the victim. Her children want nothing to do with her. She lies to my parent and takes advantage of their generosity. Fails to pay her bills on time and lets my parents pick up the tab. She is 34 years old. It wasnt until her husband left her in 2006 that we even knew she had a problem with alcohol. We all have gone out of way to help her stay sober but she continues to drink and bring drama to our family. I'm at the point where I have anxiety when I know she is going 2 b around.

Here is the situation. She goes to AA she is going to church people pray for her but she LIES to everybody. My parents believe everything she says. I have told them many times to let her fall on her face. They say they will but don't. My thing is how do I deal with her so I dont beat her up when she makes a stupid comment and end up making myself look like the bad guy. I am tried of her. I am nice to her because I have to be and out of respect to my parents but my God yesterday it took all my might not to punch her in her face. I'm the quitest one in the family. I am nice to everyone but I cant seem to let go and get over the crap she has pulled at the family functions. Everyone else just ignores it I can't anymore. Any suggestions?

I do avoid her and I don't even talk to her. She feels the need to always bring up my name followed by a lie as if she is intentionaly looking to make me look bad in front of my family. After she leaves everyone is talking about can you beleive she said this and can you believe she said that yet they do not say anything to her face. I would stay away from my family functions but then I would be missing out on my neices and nephews lives. I just want to get over the anger and resent I have toward her. Oh most of which stems from the various drunk vm she left on my cell when she was angery for not seeing her kids. My other sister insists on intviting her to all the functions and so do my parents because they feel sorry that her kids do not want to have anything to do with her.

I do have visitation with my alcoholic sister's children. I would be missing out on the fun with my other sisters and brothers the ones I actually get along with and their kids.

Answer 1

I think you stole a chapter out of my own life! I too have an alcoholic sister who lies. She is older than me and my mothers little precious, at least she used to be. My own sister did all the things that yours does, brings up things from the past just to cause trouble, and embellishes the story to make me look like the villian. My mother eventually grew to not believe her and learned that it was in her best interest to avoid my sister as much as possible. If your family is saying things like "I can't believe she said/did that", after your sister leaves, then they know that she is a liar and has a drinking problem. They wait for her to leave to say anything because they don't want confrontation. Who can make progess with a drunk? They won't listen to logic and they thrive on drama. Your family may grow so tired of all the drama caused by your sister that they will take her name off any invitation lists. Until that happens your presence will be needed at these events, if for no other reason than to protect yourself. If you are not there, then your sister will run your good name into the ground, and it sounds as if no one will say anything in your defense. As far as paying her bills, you can do nothing to change your parents mind on this. They are free to spend their money the way they choose. She is suffering even though she may disguise it. Her kids will never get over this and that's got to hurt. Just try to say as little as possible to her and try to take solace in the fact that you know no one believes anything she says.

Answer 2

Alcoholic Sister

Answer 3

Perhaps you might be helped by joining Al-Anon. It is for family members of alcoholics, and you can learn a lot there and get support for the situation. You may also have to distance yourself from the rest of the family, because it sounds as if they are part of the whole dynamic, and there is no point in your suffering just because they are being "played" by your sister. Her kids are the smart ones. She will continue to use people as long as she can - that is why they are called "enablers." You can't help her stay sober. Only she can. She needs a dose of tough love, and your parents are suckers (I am sorry to be so harsh, but it is true) who are letting themselves be played.

Oh, and I challenge the idea that the only way you can be part of your niece's & nephews lives is to go to these toxic family function, where you have to hear a bunch of lies about yourself. No wonder you are stressed! Reach out to the step mom. I am sure you can do things just with them. I know that you can do this!

Answer 4

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RE:
How should deal with my alcoholic lying sister? She is driving me crazy!!?
My sister is an alcoholic. Her alcoholism has cost her her marriage her job and the custody of her children. I get along great with her kids step mother and I actually prefer the step mother company than my sister's. The problem is that she comes to the family functions and always feels the...

Answer 5

You, and your entire family need to attend Al-anon or a variation of it. You cannot save your sister or anyone else for that matter. Failure to address this problem with professional, trained help will result in you being bitter and angry for many years and will cause a host of problems for your entire family.
It will be very difficult, it will take time, it will take commitment and it will take courage......and it will be the BEST thing you have ever done for yourself and your loved ones.
Just DO it !

Answer 6

Why are family functions the only place you can keep up with your nieces and nephews lives? Invite them over to your own house for dinners sometimes. Stay away from the entire family functions and visit with the ones you want at other times.