My friend keeps telling me he loves me but can't do anything physical with me because he is gay. I am perfectly happy with this (sort of, I have accepted it and would rather be good friends) but he tells me he loves me all the time. Yesterday we were chatting on MSN and I counted he said it 12 times. We are close and I guess it is a bit like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but without the sex. We do cuddle and get close but nothing else. But I am happy being friends, why does he keep telling me he loves me? Is it to reel me in and keep me interested? Is it platonic love? Is it something else? I am so confused.
2007-12-26 10:19:57 · 53 answers · asked by yesyoucancancan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No he does not have a boyfriend, I know the affection thing is nice for us both, that is fine. He tells me that I do not love him like he loves me and that I am special and I ask him what he means and I get nothing from him. I do accept him, I think he is wonderful, but he does not see it. I just do not understand what he is trying to say. It is like he is besotted with me in a way, but without the sexual feelings and I am confused as I have never come across this before.
2007-12-26 10:35:34 · update #1
Oh I have had boyfriends and flings, I don't think he seems bothered really by it but I feel a bit funny talking to him about it. I know what platonic love is, I have a son!
2007-12-26 10:42:07 · update #2
I think that your friend is just super confused.... maybe he needs you in the sense that he needs to figure himself out, he says hes gay but maybe you bring some unique feelings out in him... overall hes confused
2007-12-26 10:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by misslilprincess33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there could be a few reasons for him saying he loves you.
Perhaps he is confused about his feelings towards you and doesn't know how to deal with them. Just because he's always been gay, doesn't mean he can't wake up one day and feel attracted to women. I was only attracted to women until I turned 18 and suddenly fell for my male best friend. It happens.
Alternatively, he loves you as a friend and likes you so much that he feels the need to say he loves you. Especially if you are quite new friends - you often go through a honeymoon stage where you think the other person is the best thing since sliced bread!!
If it makes you uncomfortable, don't probe into his reasons for saying he loves you.
If you have feelings for him, it might be time to come clean and just tell him in a lighthearted, jokey way that him telling you he loves you is starting you wishful thinking. If he doesn't have any feelings for you, he'll stop saying it as he won't want to lead you on. If he has feelings for you, he might take his chance to tell you.
I tell two of my closest friends that I love them, and they tell me that they love me. Sometimes you love someone so much as a friend that you get a bit overwhelmed with how well you get on and just want to show your affection for them.
But overall, if you definitely don't have feelings for him, let it go.
xx Emmie
2007-12-26 11:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by Sparklepop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is questioning his sexuality, and since he trusts you he's sort of "trying it out" on you, putting out his feelers and experimenting. He could be straight or bi and just not accepting the idea/recognizing/calling it what it is, or he could just be a very affectionate gay guy! If he's in a relationship, he is probably going through some tough times and needs someone and this is his way of making sure you're still around, by telling you he loves you he's guaranteeing you'll stick around and be there for him. If he's not, he's most likely lonely, and, again, putting his feelers out there, experimenting. With things like this, the best thing to do is to just sit down and talk with him, not confront him, just talk. Ask him about it, what's going on and how he's feeling - affirm and re-affirm that you love him, but just as a friend, so that even if he isn't gay, he'll know you're off-limits. Keep boundaries clear and keep the love coming, what he needs is your help and support while he's figuring himself out
.
hope this helps, good luck!
2007-12-26 10:25:40 · answer #3 · answered by katemarie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
.Not knowing either of you, this is a hard one If he is openly Gay,and not using you as a front. and just want to be friends. that good for him. But what about you? Do you not want to be in a loving relationship with a husband and mother children?.
He may be catching a lot of flack about being gay, and all other Friends have deserted him but you. Honey you really need to think this thing over,Or you will pay the rest of your life for him being gay. Everybody won't be able to handle him being gay, so prepare your self, for a lot of heartache, if you decide to stay in this relationship. Hope you make the right choice for yourself.
2007-12-26 10:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by Bee Bee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't date each other, because he's gay-- you and he both realize that, so what's the harm, in his saying, 'I love you?' My advice: just ignore it. He's probably just insecure, and wants to reaffirm your friendship. Saying, 'I love you,' is his way of saying, 'We're still good friends, and you care about me, and aren't planning on dumping me (as a friend) anytime soon--- right?'
It could also be his ego talking-- he knows you're sweet on him, probably, and enjoys the attention, as a form of ego-stroking. Perhaps all the 'I love you's' are a way of keeping your romantic interest in him, at fever pitch-- if you lose interest, he'll lose a major self-esteem booster-- so saying 'I love you,' keeps you wondering, and assures that he will continue receive all the attention/ confirmations of his attractiveness, engendered by your crush on him.
If that's the case, the cure is simple: just make a point of bluntly discussing the guys you find attractive, and your dating life with him, without sparing his feelings, (as you may have done in the past, in order to preserve the boyfriend-girlfriend illusion, that you guys have built up together...)
Good luck! Hope this helps!
2007-12-26 10:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by boonut 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very safe to say that the relationship is completely platonic. Take Will and Grace - their relationship was very close, with a lot of hugging and cuddling, constantly saying I love you, but they were just friends. Very good friends, indeed, but it was strictly platonic. I realise that is a fictional show, but that isn't to say that real life relationships can't be that way.
My best friend is gay and we never touch. Ever. He likes to hug and stuff like that, but I have really bad personal issues that keep even my mother from ever hugging me.
Of course, nobody could answer your questions like he could.
2007-12-26 10:23:59 · answer #6 · answered by M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe he is bi and not totally gay perhaps he is looking for you to tell him you love him too so do so without being pushy on the subject then perhaps later on tell him again and see what comes of it. All that will happen is he will say he likes you like a sister at worst at best maybe he will give you a kiss.
2007-12-26 10:25:46 · answer #7 · answered by rahlyd swamp muffin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is the one that is confused. He loves you and I really feel that he is not gay. He is just so used to saying it, he's afraid it might not be true. I think he is really into you but needs a little help admitting it.
2007-12-26 10:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by rasberry003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would assume it's platonic, and he most likely wants to know that you love him too.
And it's ok to let him know that you love him - but for your own sake get a boyfriend - having a best friend is great, especially when its a gay guy, but it's way too easy to fall for them and get your heart broken.
2007-12-26 10:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a platonic friendship....he's probably grateful that even after he's told you he's gay that you're still his very good friend. Nothing romantic can come of this because he likes boys too. I guess he's just letting you know how he feels about you.
2007-12-26 10:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by BLACKEST- i 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of it like having a real close girlfriend or a real close sister. Then add in someone close who is very needy. Finally add in someone who wears their heart on their sleve.
All that together sounds like yout gay friend. Enjoy it until he gets a boy friend or goes back to hitting for the old club again.
2007-12-26 10:27:10 · answer #11 · answered by DonPedro 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋