should i trust him? :O {{{GIRLS ONLYY!!}}}?

Question

k... my boyfriend and i have been dating for about 3-4 months now (i know woo! ahah)... and if im having a bad day... he'll ask me why... but i dont know if i can trust him with ther reason((the reason is because my dad molested me... and keeps coming to mii house)) ... i dont want him to worry... but part of me wants to tell him, while the rest of me wants to keep it in mii family---
every time he asks whats wrong i just tell him nothing... and he gets mad because im lying ((its really easy to see when i lying))... and we fight.. weve even had a short break up because of it!
i dont want to lose my boyfriend... but my trust level just isnt high enough!!
is it worth the risk just to keep a secret to breakup???,.... or should i tell him??
P
L
E
A
S
E


H
E
L
P
!
!
!
!
!
!
I really dont wanna lose him... but i dont want him to know either... im sooo stressed with the whole situatioN!! OMG!!
please.. if you have experience tell me! im killing all the love he has4me!

Answer 1

If you are not ready for a trust level of this major secret, then I would compromise on your response.

Obviously your "nothing" is reflecting on your face and voice tone as a "major something". Instead of using your "nothing" usual response, I would be a bit more honest.

"Yes, I am having a very bad day. It is very personal at this time and I am not emotionally or mentally prepared to share this with you yet. I promsie, when I feel I am able to share this problem of mine, I will share it but I ask you for your forgiveness from our past fights and patience. I appreciate you wanting to be there for me and I love you for that. Again, I ask for more time before I can share this with you.

So when I am having that terrible bad day, I promise to tell you it is that same old problem I am not quite ready yet but I will once I am."

Don't mention you trust him as that is not quite true yet. Just mention you are not prepared at this time. Trust then is not even brought up nor does it become an additional issue to discuss

At least this is some explanation as opposed to "nothing"

Good luck and much prayers.

I don't know the circumstances of why you still see your father and why you haven't reported it. The only peace you will receive in your unsettled soul is when you bring this to light and make him answerable to his actions against you. In other words, you need to report him and get professional counseling to work through this Also the reason you have trust issues is because the person you should have trusted the most violated a sacred relationship. There is no excuse for it and be damn if family members are telling you to be quiet. Then they are being very selfish and not looking out for your well bings.

Many prayers for you as I like to see you overcome it. Look at many celebrities who have admitted such acts against them (Oprah Winfrey as one of them) and have overcome beyond what was handed to them. To not make this who you are but learn to become more than it and make it your strength to survive such adversity.

Answer 2

I know exactly where your coming from. My Dad molested me and my sisters. It isn't your fault and if your BF breaks up over this then he isn't worthy anyways. I would tell him and I would also tell him to not leave you alone in a room with your Dad. If you are still at home, pretend you have things to do so your Dad won't be able to touch you. Always keep yourself busy. But the bottom line is.... You have to tell someone. The school counselor, a favorite teacher, your BF or his mother. I put up with it far too long, don't do the same. It has been a very long time since I have been around my Dad and I still have trust problems. There is still life after molestation but if you are with someone that knows what is going on you are able to handle the trust issues and begin to trust again a little at a time. Get help IMMEDIATELY!

Answer 3

well for me I really Would NOT , just because of the fact that you all have only been dating a short period I mean really what if he is not the one then he going to know something so personal about you. Then on top of that I don't think you will lose him over not telling him cause its like this if you are having a bad day it is what it is We're Human we go thru things and what we go thru is not everyone business. Think about this how many guys you dated before him and you didn't tell so it may be a couple after him also ....so what you're going to tell every man u meet after dating only a very short period. Don't tell him because you cant say that you all are serious its to soon you don't want to be judged in the long run

Answer 4

Tell your boyfriend, tell your mom, tell your teacher, tell the police, tell EVERYBODY! Your father shouldn't have any access to you at all, but nothing is going to change unless you're brave enough to tell the truth of what's happening.

If you're not comfortable telling your boyfriend the whole truth, then just give him an idea of it. Tell him that you're having serious family problems, but you're not comfortable telling him the details yet, because it's personal. Tell him that it's serious and it upsets you deeply, and you really need his sympathy and support, even if you can't tell him all the details. That will help the relationship a lot.

But more importantly, you need to report this to someone who can legally do something about it. If your mom knows but hasn't done anything, it's time to talk with a counselor, dean, teacher, doctor, pastor, or police officer. They are all legally required to report the molestation and get you some protection from your father.

Answer 5

If you can't yet tell him the whole truth tell him at least part of it - that there is something in your past that haunts you, and sometimes it makes you feel down. When you feel more able, you will tell him about it.That takes care of the boyfriend.
But now to you. You need to get out of that situation where you are constantly reminded of what your father did to you. Talk to a school counselor or a woman's shelter - this is not something that should be a "family secret". What your father did was sooo wrong, and he needs to be held accountable for it.

Answer 6

I know you asked for GIRLS ONLY, but setting that criteria alone suggests you have male trust problems.

Now, that I read your full question, I need to offer you some advice.

What your father did to you is wrong and more than likely the root of your male trust issues; this is bigger than the relationship with your BF. You need to seek the help of a counselor or psychologist, not the advice of the folks you are going to find here. That includes the girls, too.

Tell your guy you need some time to heal yourself. If he's any kind of man he'll understand and help.

Good luck,

Answer 7

Molestation is really bad. You know you have to tell him sometime, the sooner the better. If you tell him later, he might get mad at you or even break up with you for not trusting him. And call the police too. And tell it to a trusted adult, they can help you out more than I can.

Answer 8

If you feel comfortable telling him, tell him. It's good to get it off your chest and can actually help YOU deal with it, and it'll keep him from getting mad at you for lying and possibly let him into that aspect of your life to help out. Stress the importance of not telling everyone he knows, or anyone for that matter. This is something you don't want the world to know and he has to respect that. If you don't tell him, at least explain to him that it's something you're not ready to open up to people with yet, and he should respect that. That way you aren't lying to him.

Answer 9

I think that if this is someone you really love and who you think would be discreet and understanding then you should tell him. Secrets of any kind aren't healthy and become destructive (as you're finding out).

It's a scary idea but you might find you feel a little lighter after telling him.

As per your father, why does he keep coming to see you? And have you been in counseling about what happened? If not, it might be something to think about, a therapist would be able to help you about this issue better than an internet board.

Answer 10

Just tell him the reason you are upset and mad has nothing to do with him and it is a very personal problem. Tell him that you do trust him but it is hard to talk about and won't feel comfortable talking about it for a long time. If he really does care about you he will get the hint and will stop pressuring you to tell him. If it makes you feel better you could tell him, but only if you trust that he will keep it better you two.

Good luck.