I have made it extremely clear to them via a letter that I do not want contact them until they seek counseling for their dysfunctional and abusive behavior. However, they continue to use my brother as a messenger. I am to the point of cutting him off as well because he doesn't feel the same way I do. They left me a gift with him. Do I just reject it all together? The gift a pathetic attempt to control me AGAIN. Do I just ignore it or how should I handle their latest game?
2007-12-26 09:02:11 · 10 answers · asked by K H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you should just return the gift via your brother with a note politely re-iterating your decision not to have ANY contact with them until they have counseling. You could add that if they want to give you a present then counseling is what it should be, otherwise you do not want their gifts. I hope you are getting some support and counseling as this sounds like a difficult and harrowing situation and it must be hard to stay strong. The decision you made sounds like a sensible, healthy one. As you probably realise, you really need to look after and protect yourself when others treat you badly. You have set some boundaries and given them a reasonable way to proceed with your relationship. You can do no more. Good luck
2007-12-26 09:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A gift used as leverage isn't a gift, it's just leverage.
Unless you HAVE to have that item for your continued survival (e.g. a nebulizer if you are an asthmatic and you have absolutely no way of getting one on your own) then DON'T take it!
I was in a similar situation when I left home. I completely cut off all contact with my family for 3 years (including my little sister). I used that time to find out who I was and worked my butt off to be exactly whom I wanted to be.
I only re-established contact with my mom after she woke up and realized what a jerk my father was and left him. She and I now have a wonderful relationship (and I really like my stepdad).
My father is still a jerk, but we don't talk because I refuse to let him have any control over me, and he hates that. But that's his problem, not mine. If he somehow realized that people actually have value and aren't just things to be manipulated to his desires, then I would be willing to give him another try.
I'm very happy being my own man. And that's something that noone can take away from me without my consent.
2007-12-26 17:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Torin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's not a game. Maybe it's just a gift because it is Christmas and you are their child. Listen, my friend, everyone is dysfunctional. We struggle our way through life; we see the mistakes we have made, and we try to guide others not to make the same. When they refuse our guidance, we become overbearing and pushy, and try to control the direction of their lives because we know...we KNOW..that what they are doing will eventually ruin their lives. It may not be so, but we think it is. You will do the same, if you ever have anyone in your life that you love more than yourself. It's Christmas, for God's Sake....show a little kindness, yourself, why don't you? Just take the gift and say thank you and let it go at that. It doesn't mean you have to fall back into old habits with them.
2007-12-26 17:11:56 · answer #3 · answered by claudiacake 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No one will ever know or feel what you have gone through with your parents. They might not ever attend counseling.....but it would probably be a good idea for you to talk to someone about the life you have had with them. He/she could at least help you work through the anger that you have. A gift is just that....a gift. They seem to be reaching out to you. You do not have to pay them back in kind. Your brother is in a very bad position. He does not want to lose you as a brother or to lose them as parents. I would not recommend cutting ties with him. He is your brother.
2007-12-26 17:09:48 · answer #4 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not accept it from your brother. Tell him to give it back to them. Tell him to let you know when theyve gone to counselling or have done something to face their issues. Also explain that you dont want to hear anything about them/from them or whatever until he has that news. And if you really want to make a statement, make a video of you burning it and give that to your parents for Xmas.
2007-12-26 17:07:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think they are honestly trying to reach out to you......I am sorry they are not the greatest parents you could have gotten but I gaurantee despite it all they love you with all their hearts. My ex-husband is a hopeless drunk and drug addict he rarely makes any contact with the boys. But when he finally sobers up for awhile it is clear he does love the kids he is just to weak and sick to try to get bettter and be a real dad..........I am not saying hang around your parents and be the best of budddies but try to understand they do love you and are so far deep in their problems they cannot be the parents they should be......All you can do is pray for them and if I was you I would accept their gifts and keep the lines of communication open. There may always be hope that you can help them!!! Good Luck
2007-12-26 17:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by shootingstars957 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't accept the gift from you parents. Ask your brother to take it back to them and tell them you refused it. If you accept it, you'll be submitting to their control again.
2007-12-26 18:45:13 · answer #7 · answered by back from the dead 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either pass the gift on to the less fortunate or send it back with your brother.
2007-12-26 17:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by Pam H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
send the gift un opened back......
then tell your brother that if he mentions or relays a message to you from them then he can stay waay too. better yet move and dont tell any them.
2007-12-26 17:09:36 · answer #9 · answered by no religion know peace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send it back. Tell your brother you dont want any messages from them and then stick to it.
2007-12-26 17:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋