My husband only found out that he had a 10 year old daughter in Australia 6 months ago...we live in the U.K..
The Mother had kept her pregnancy from him...she passed the child off as her husbands at the time.
Now she and her husband are divorced she told her daughter about her real Dad...they are in touch...but the child is so unhappy in her life.
She is only 10 but has been to 5 different schools...her Mother was..and we think still is working as a prostitute in massage parlours...she has relationships with unstable men and her sister took out an injunction against her...the woman never takes her daughter anywhere...she always seems to be in the flat...doesn't even own a bike...she looks healthy in photos...and I am not saying the Mother abuses her in any way...but she neglects her and is ignorant of her own childs unhappiness....MY husband and I cannot afford to visit yet...we have a toddler and a new baby on the way...what can we do? I want to check the girl is looked after
2007-12-26 07:05:55 · 7 answers · asked by Daisyhill 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
properly. How should my husband best show the child that he is there for her when he actually isn't!? He is suffering for worrying about her...
2007-12-26 07:07:06 · update #1
We have never even met her...we cannot just drag her away to us when she doesn't know us...different cultures, different everything...it would be very upsetting for her...
2007-12-26 07:14:53 · update #2
That's very sad, but it's nice to hear that you are so open about it. Some women wouldn't want anything to do with their partner's previous children.
Since you live so far away, I don't think there is much more he can do than keep in contact. i don't know your financial or living situation, but maybe you could look into getting custody? Her mother doesn't sound fit to be a parent.
Best of luck!
2007-12-26 07:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mikey's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, your husband needs to file for custody, and if what your saying is true, he should have no issue winning custody of her. Now whats going to be the problem here is how his child will adjust to him, her new house, new friends, and you. My best advice is let her know you want to be part of her life, but don't push her, let her come to you. She clearly needs a solid female mother figure in her life, and that my dear is most likely you. Try doing stuff with her that will allow the 2 of you to bond; take her shopping (girls love doing that), watch a movie toghether (let her pick out the movie), maybe try cooking together (if she can cook), always and i mean always listen to what she has to say, be supportive of her and NEVER judge her in any way. Also do family activities with your husband, toddler, new baby and your stepdaughter. Make sure you show her love, it will take time but if you go easy with her, don't push her and let her come to you then this child will come to see you as a adult role model and even a mother figure.
2007-12-28 14:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all congrats to ur hubby and yourself! :)
Go and vist her a lot let her get to know u guys more and most importantly her father. Let her build up her trust issues with him.
You have to remember that its very hard on a child for her life to change in sudden ways and for you guys to jump for custody might not be the best idea AS OF YET.
I really think the best thing to do is make sacrifices and have him go and see her as much as possible Give her a year or two eventually she will make it be known she doesn't want to stay with her mom anymore she will tell you she wants to live with you guys but dont ask her on the spot it would make her feel uncomfortable she might give u a "being nice" answer one that she doesn't really mean.
Some states in the U.S leave it up to the child- it would be her choice where she wants to go.
I really wish I could follow up on this story I wish you guys all the best! :)
2007-12-26 07:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by missology 101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until you talked to her, get to know her a little more, find out what she really wants. She could want to go live with you, or she might just want to stay for a little while. Who knows if shes happy or not? Or what would make her that way. I'm not saying what is in her best interest, I'm just saying if she was taken away from her mother and she didn't want to be, it would make things worse for her and she'd be angry at both of you.
2007-12-26 07:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by Spiral Out 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her often, tell her you both love her. Let her know that as soon as you are able you are coming to visit. And if she is being left alone all the time, then maybe she should come and stay with you for a while.
2007-12-26 07:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by bemassey2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put in for custody and move her in with you.
2007-12-26 07:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sue for custody
2007-12-26 07:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by deb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋