how to deal with bhabi ...creating stress in family?

Question

friends
i belong to traditional north indian family. My bhabhi was complaining about my mother to my bro at night ....every body overheard them ...her language was disrespectful......opposi... to what she behaves in person....she is trying to pick arguments with me in subtle way and not as eager to serve food to me etc.....still appears respectful ...but i guess within few months she will start mild or subtle idiotic arguments with me or mom.
she wanted to give gift to her brother ....but could not due to my bro saying ...no funds now ...etc. She does not get higher lifestyle she desires. Her IQ is bit low(very poor in studies) ...and belong to comparatively weaker family than us.
we encourage her to continue her studies, though she is reluctant.
suggest ways to maintain peace for my family.

Answer 1

No one can suggest perfect solution for this kind of family problem. Its our tradition generation after generation. We treat wife of son like a daughter but not exactly as a daughter.

A girl after marriage treats her in law's family like her own family but not as her own family.

Give her more love. Treat her as your own family member.
She would be forced to treat you all as her own.

If everything fails start ignoring her. Never pamper her after any complaint. See that there is no complaint in the first place. She is new comer to your family. Your responsibility is more.

Answer 2

deal bhabi creating stress family

Answer 3

We belong to traditions, but our present generation cannot claim to have 'imbibed' the traditonal values. Some of the inconvenient ones, we have 'dropped'.
We expect a stranger to mix , mingle, adjust into our family irrespective of their personal desires, ambitions, outlook towards life etc. Now, the 'Bahu' knows what she has in store for her when she gets inducted into such a typical present day family. So, the bahu at once puts up a defensive or offensive type of behaviour. This is quite natural, since the sense of insecurity and the instinct of self-preservation takes priority, when a person enters a strange world. Please try to visualise for example, you are required to enter another house what are the first thoughts that occur at once..... The concern about self is utmost. And given the background of weak education, etc, the only armour is to put up a defence that would insulate 'exploitation'. There could be past history of sad events of ill-treatment around that family or neighbours to further create such extra fear & precaution.
The best option would be to 'voluntarily' create a very temporary shift of residence so that the brother & bhabi live seperately for some time. Once the brother creates a trust in her about himself, Bhabi will be able to muster courage and 'presume' that the family of such a husband may also be kind to her. We do not yet know what she thinks of you or your mother, and how she views your initial behaviour (though quite unintentional perhaps). We tend to 'take things for granted' and expect that out of tradional ways, the 'bahu' would humbly & meekly adjust to everything.
Another option, though a bit difficult one, would be to respond with respect & politeness to all such actions. This would lift the 'burden' off from your brother in trying to 'balance' between his family & spouse. Traditional families do not consider 'divorce' as a choice at all, and this is known to your Bhabi & your family too. Possibly, her parents would not support any 'return' to their family(again due to traditional quality), and so she could not perhaps think of any other option but to create a space for herself, by removing the space occupied by your mother & you in his heart. If your brother is capable, he can 'convince' that a human heart has enough space/place to accomodate not just our family, newcomers to family (wife & new born children), but also colleagues, friends, destitue children, etc etc (limitless)!
These are quite general suggestions, quite effective. But specific ideas can be given only after knowing the very details of situation.
It is just a question of 'creating' trust in your Bhabi, that her future is safe & comfortable in your family (even if jointly residing). Patience is required. It is a test of your tolerance & broad-mindedness.
Best wishes.

Answer 4

first of all ask her whats her probs not directly indirectly so that she doesn,t gets hurt if ur bhabhi gets hurt you will receive the bang from bang from bro and family get a closer to as a sister and try to feel her that you are her bro then she will tell you all the probs she is facing and after that its easy as simple to deal .she will compliant first regarding your mother then try to balance them do not get angry on her because she is complaining against your mom convincing is what you need to learn samajdhar ko ishara kafhi hai mamu

Answer 5

Sounds like she is doing the whole passive-aggressive thing. Trying to create drama where none exists.
Don't let her bait you into any arguements, and if she starts in on the baiting process, all you have to do is call her down on it and perhaps send her to her room.
She is behaving like a 6 year old instead of a young adult.

Answer 6

there is no solution to this.
these type of women never learn or even try to learn from others and if someone gives some advice which they do not like they simply ignore it. send ur bro and ur bhabi somewhere else to live. talk about it to ur bro but dont let ur bhabi get to know anything about it.

Answer 7

Very common situation.However she behaves,thats her concern,but you be respectful towards her and never let her feel that she is from a weaker family or any sort of thing which may hurt her and she may retialate.

Answer 8

well, if u consider her so inferior & with a lower IQ then problems are to be expected, i think some praises & kind words will boost her self confidence & also giver her no just reason to disrespect u

Answer 9

this is commen for traditional family,talk to your brother.plus tell him bhabi not happy with us,so ask her what's her problem.so we can try to deal with it which way we can.don't talk to her or your mother because women is not good with matter's like this.how bad she is you always nice to her she will change one day give her time ,love and respect.

Answer 10

You take your brother in your confidence, when he is alone and in normal mood at home, you and your mom talk to him. tell everything at the same time tell him not to quarrel with his wife, but keep watch and advise her, i think your brother respect mom and he is the only person to settle this problem.