My daughters father and I have been together for just about 4 years now. She just turned 1yr. He left us to supposedly better our relationship and his career. he has been gone 4 months now and just barely sent me money. He said he sent $300 dollars but when I got the check it was only $250, we had agreed that he would send $400 but said that he had taken just a bit to buy her a present that he has not yet purchased. I don't mean to sound greedy but I don't have a job. I lost my job when he left because I couldn't afford daycare plus baby expenses. I live with my parents who say that he is an immature guy who only cares about himself. Of course I always try to defend him, but he always lets me down, but for some reason every time I talk to him he convinces me that he is doing every thing with good intentions I feel so damn pathetic and stupid. What do you think? Am I stupid??? Should I try to get full custody of my daughter?
2007-12-26 06:37:25 · 12 answers · asked by Confused!! 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Im not trying to get revenge or what not and I do babysit, all the money I get goes into my child and I take very good care that she has everything she needs but if he really wanted to be a part of her life don't you think he would help out a bit more. I don't ask him for much. but he cant even keep his promises.
2007-12-26 06:52:50 · update #1
I never agreed to him leaving us all he said is either you come with me or you stay.
2007-12-26 06:56:23 · update #2
You can try for full custody, but the issue here is more one of child support. Don't depend on 'agreements' and checks sent once in a while and empty promises. Contact the equivalent of the Division of Child Support Enforcement and Family Court in your state and find out about charging him for child support using their services, so they can effectively ENFORCE the Court's decision.
2007-12-26 06:41:56 · answer #1 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Long gone are the days where a woman automomatically got full custody. Courts more and more noadays are granting joint custody. They feel it is in the best interest if the child to have equal time with the parents. It's not like I disagree, but it sounds like you have some valid issues to bring up. I would suggest that you file the paper work for how you want things to go. When you two can not come to an agreement a guardian adlitem will most likely be assigned to the case and that person will decide what would be best for the child. This process can take a long time. You will have to decide now if he is really going to be a harm to your child or if you are just angry towards him because a long court battle is painful for everybody. And don't trust a lawyer if you decide to call one. They will tell you from the moment that you walk through their door that you have a great case and they can win for you. They say that to everybody and all they want is your money. Feel free to e-mail me if you have more questions as I have gone through all of this myself.
2016-05-26 08:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by garnet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say that your parents are right. Get full custody immediately. File child support on him too...then if he is working they will garnish is wages for the support. Do this right away as it does take awhile. You are not being greedy. I am in the same situation...but there was no custody battle because we were never legally married, she is with me. Get what you daughter deserves. Stop defending him and take care of your baby...she is the only one that matters right now.
If he really wanted to be a father, he would of stayed.
If the money he gives you doesn't go throught the state, as in child support, it is considered a gift, because there is no record of it.
2007-12-26 07:06:04 · answer #3 · answered by deb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not want to sound mean, but it sounds as if you already have full custody of her even if you have not gone to court. Be glad he is sending something even if he lied about the amount. Some men do not send anything for their child/ren, and unless he is working at an awfully good paying job, $250-400 is about what you would receive anyway. Who is going to pay for suing him for custody, your parents? Sounds as if they are paying for everything as it is. Take what he sends you and be thankful. Go to court so you can get the amount he should be sending for the support of your daughter through the court so it will be legal. If you live at home your mom will not watch your baby so you can work? If not, then please at least attend night classes so further your education so you can take care of yourself and your daughter.
2007-12-26 06:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of everything you have said - he is still the child's father and still deserves to be an active parent - he deserves joint custody, the ability to be a parent just as much of the time as you do, and the right to make decisions regarding the child's education, medical care etc as much as you - you do not use custody as a means of revenge or to express how upset you are.
child support and custody are two different issues - If it is really about the money for you, then you can still file for joint custody, just make sure support goes through your state's enforcement, so that there are consequenses if he doesn't pay.
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2007-12-26 06:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Custody and child support are separate matters.
Custody has to do with who is responsible for the child's day to day care & well-being.
Child support is a financial arrangement.
It doesn't sound like, right now, he is much involved in her day to day care, but *did you agree to this move away to begin with*? If you said "OK, I agree, you go away & do what we agreed was best to better your career & our relationship, while I take care of our daugther", then he's only doing what you two agreed for him to do, right? It's not like he's neglecting her - he thought that you had agreed to take care of her while he did this.
Now, the lying about how much he's sending - well, have you talked to him about that? Maybe you misunderstood him the first time. Maybe something happened to make it change.
If you are partners, you're going to work together. You're going to try to understand each other (do you explain yourself to him to the point where you trust that he understands you, as much as he explains himself to you?). You're going to work together for your shared goals. Do you have shared goals? Are you both on the same page?
I don't see where going to court to take away his custody would do much at this time. But, if you really think he's not going to help you anymore, you might want to get a legal child support agreement.
2007-12-26 06:53:24 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you stupid,
If I was in your situation, I would hire a lawyer and get custody of my child. It seems like he's playing games with you. If he loved you and your daughter, he'd be there or give up a little cash to help you out.
You're not greedy either. Babies are expensive.
2007-12-26 06:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Full/joint custody and child support. Visit your local family court services. Let the court decide the $ amount and time he is allowed to be with his daughter.
2007-12-26 06:42:18 · answer #8 · answered by vegasgal71 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should bring him to court, and yes try to get full custody of your daughter.
2007-12-26 06:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by seductive_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He abandonded you. Let the court handle the child support issue. They can even garnish his paycheck if he refuses to pay what the court says he must.
2007-12-26 06:41:37 · answer #10 · answered by Just Me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋