Im 20. Ive been dating a girl (also 20) for two months. A month ago she told me she wants a relationship eventually with me but said she gets scared of relationships and it is hard for her to open up becasue she has been hurt badly in the past. After this things were going really well and a week ago she said she was ready for a relationship.A week later out of nowhere she said she was feeling pressured (not by me) and got freaked out and wants to take everything very slow. She said she gets scared of the word "relationship." She said she said she was ready just to let me know that she really likes me. I asked her if we were actually in a relationship or not and she said yes but wants to take it very slow. What should I do? Should I continue to do what I was doing and continue to move slow??
2007-12-26 06:06:34 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hit it and quit it
2007-12-26 06:09:02 · answer #1 · answered by Justin M 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Try to respect what she is asking, BUT she is clearly confused about it, SO... can you urge her to get some counseling on the matter? If you care for her, that would be a nice favor to her and to yourself.
A lot of people have been hurt in the past and have many things to get over. They bring past hurts into new relationships and don't know what to do. If you are able to work with her on this, and if she is able to go for some help, it will probably work.
By the way, a young woman posted a question very recently that sounded like her. I answered it the same way. I wonder if it was your girl...
Good luck to the two of you. You deserve wonderful things. I believe in love and married a man who had been hurt in the past, but he worked through it all. It was worth the work.
2007-12-26 06:12:38 · answer #2 · answered by CarlisleGirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all....that is really a lot of emotional baggage. Second of all....don't ask if you're in a relationship. It's less annoying to ask if she's seeing anyone else. Do you have sex? Do you spend a lot of time together? Do you talk quite a bit? Does she ever call you up for company when she wants to go out to eat? Then it's a relationship. Maybe not an exclusive one, but it is one. Just don't push and annoy her to the point of her not wanting what you already have. Just spend time together and enjoy what you already have. Everything else will come later. GOOD LUCK! ^.^
2007-12-26 06:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by ivyheatherclover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have no problem going slow than continue. Girls and guys can all have problems with the word cause its a big word and big step. Enjoy your time slowly and in the end you could have the best relationship cause you really feel the relationship better.
2007-12-26 06:12:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the question is, do you love her?
If you love her, you should make her happy,
because then you'll be happy.
Be nice, go slow, open up about yourself first always,
and she will open up to you.
You both have to be willing to work it out,
if you want to go fast you will only hurt her and yourself,
don't go out with her if you don't truly like her.
I think this is the type of girl who you should have fun with,
not try to impress. Stay at home and do a movie,
cuddle, go to a theme park, if she's into those kinds of thing.
I don't think you need to go all-out fancy schmancy,
unless you know for sure
she's going to enjoy an expensive dinner.
Whatever you do, be a gentleman...
you can be romantic with a movie too, show up with a DVD, popcorn, candy and a bouquet of roses at her door!
As long as she trusts you and sees that you are a fun, caring person, she should be able to have this relationship work out. If she is really having issues it's up to you bring up counseling...I know you guys are only 20 but I think if you can go with her to see someone, then she'll see that you care about her. Don't make her go to a counselor alone unless that's what she wants, she will probably want your support more.
2007-12-26 06:14:04 · answer #5 · answered by travwell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a nut job. Well not really a nut job, but that shes been hurt bad in the past. She needs a reality check. She needs to realize that you are not the guy who mucked her over in the past.
My little sister had problems with this, then I tell her what I told my hubby on our wedding day...
+*+ The past is history, the future is a mystery, and now is a gift, that's why they call it the present +*+
I'm telling you this because if relationships freak her out (im guessing she has comitment problems too), then something lies deeper than just your relationship. You need to help her overcome this. And if she can't, its not fair of her to keep putting you through this.
2007-12-26 06:12:31 · answer #6 · answered by Carpe Canum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
John P, Don't waste your time with this one. She's stringing you along, and you are following like the donkey chasing the carrot. Whenever a potential mate tells you that they've been hurt and need to take things slow it means that are not that into you. She strikes me as the type to keep one guy waiting in the wings while she figures out if she wants to be with someone else. Don't be that guy John P.
2007-12-26 06:12:18 · answer #7 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl is still living in the past and it will be hard to cultivate a decent friendship with her, let alone develop a relationship. You would be wise to move on. You probably won't do so, because you like her; but you are setting yourself up for failure. She's going to make your life miserable; so get ready for a huge heartache!
2007-12-26 06:16:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step 1: this may take a while, but you need to mount a worldwide search for your nuts. You obviously are without them and need them to make pertinent decisions. Step 2: reattach them. Step 3: kick that psycho beeeotch to the curb. Remember your Leykis 101 my friend: chicks are like buses - there's a new one along every 10 minutes. Bottom line - once you regain control of your garbage, everything will become much clearer.
2007-12-26 18:10:08 · answer #9 · answered by Studley Von Longshlong 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like her and care about her, then you have to respect her decision to move slowly. Just don't let her take advantage of you, by moving so slow that your relationship never really grows. You have to grow together. Once you gain her complete trust, she will be more open with you. Just remember, it takes years to build trust, but it only takes a second to break it.
2007-12-26 06:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by been there 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense but she sounds like shes pressured allot and that she is to afraid. And you sound like you an easy going guy. Those personalitys, however doesnt match exactly the way you want it to.
If you want to take it slow a little, try it, what the hey. But this relationship isnt going to go anywhere trust me.....IM ONLY AN 11 AND I KNOW ALLOT!!!!!!!
anyway, its your personality that actually makes the decision. But like i said its not going to go any farther than boyfriend and girlfriend.
However, what you should do is, to see what your true personality is and that answer is the answer to your problem. If YOU like to take it slow then take it slow. If your a normal speed kinda guy, then you should tell her the truth and if you really like me, then say "If you really like me then you should relax and not take it slow."
To me it sounds like you (she) is going to slow that it sounds like just "friends".
Now heres my final answer go to paragraph 3 and follow that.
2007-12-26 07:12:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋