Ok need some opinions please... I have a guy friend who I actually live with and help with his kids. We are VERY close friends and we are intimate as well. I know for a fact he "plays the field" we talk about it. I on the other hand do not want to be with anyone else but, understand that I need to be single as does he. We have that understanding. Understand that we care about each other very much. We also share a bed every night.
I don't know if and how I should try to date. What does anyone think?
Also, he has a female friend that I have also become friends with but, his rule is that I can't hang out with his friends, (like I'm not allowed to hang out with her unless he's around) she knows all about our situation though. What is that about?
Anyway, to make a complicated question short, what is your opinion of the situation and what should I do and how do you even start dating?
2007-12-26 05:56:23 · 17 answers · asked by DaWnY LaNe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. Which is not right.
He's obviously taking advantage of you! I know - you may not see it like this but who is he to say you cannot hang out with his friends w/out him there... that is your and her life ... and don't need his permission on who you can and can't talk/hang with.
You should start dating and stop sleeping with him... once he sees that you are living your life - if he really wants to be with you it will make him realize what a good friend he has and possibly even want more.
But then again, why would you want to be with someone like that?
He wants things his way and will only be content if that is the case.
Trust I have been in this situation. I commend you on helping take care of his kids - as I'm sure you love them - but you DON' T have too. Don't take on his responsibility ... which is probably why he loves you being there... you bascially are taking on the wife type role and yet he takes on the bachelor type role. Which is not right.
Open your eyes sweetie. =]
Good luck.
2007-12-26 06:04:56 · answer #1 · answered by 1 Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to be with anyone else and you accept the situation for what it is, why do you feel you need to date someone else because "you need to be single?"
You're already single, and since you do care for this guy, dating someone else might have an adverse affect on your relationship with him.
Guys are well-known for double standards, and it may well be that he wants you for his own "harem" while he demands the freedom to go with others. Have you talked about this with him?
Fine if you accept it, you know the guidelines and you clearly don't have a problem accepting them.
But if you want to date other guys as well - for any reason - it would be better to get it out in the open now and get it resolved, one way or the other, between you two. Once you understand his feelings on your going out - dating - sleeping with others - you'll be in a position to make that decision on your own. You two seem pretty well able to accomodate each other's wishes.
I don't know why he doesn't want you to communicate with the other girl. One thing that comes to mind is that he may have told her certain things that he does not want you to know, and so he wants to prevent any closer contact between you two.
I can't think of any other reason why he would "forbid" you to spend personal time with her. It sounds unnecessarily restrictive to me. Maybe he's got a legitimate reason.
Some people will tell you that you're being taken advantage of here, but people can only take advantage of us if we allow them to do so. You seem to be basically OK with your arrangement with him, but as always, in any kind of relationship, honesty and communication are the key words.
You sound intelligent and well-balanced and I'm sure you can get this resolved by - let me say it again - honesty and communication.
Good luck!
2007-12-26 06:16:42 · answer #2 · answered by jasper addleton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think that such a situation will amount to anything real and long term? You are giving this guy the best of both worlds and he doesn't even have to work at all for it.
His rule is, huh? This guy not only has you right where he wants you, he also is dictating to you how you are to behave and act around his other friends? You have got to be kidding, right? You are setting yourself up for major hurt, it makes me sad to think of what next is coming your way. Listen, what I want to know is why are you selling yourself short? Don't you value yourself as a person? I don't get women like you.
2007-12-26 06:10:49 · answer #3 · answered by Rogue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the way I see it is that you need to decide if you want only a relationship with just him or several people. Sounds to me like you care a lot and want more of a monogamous relationship instead of playing the field. If that's the case then maybe you should tell him how you feel.
If you are wanting a relationship with one person and you talk with him about it and he rejects it then I say break off the intimacy with him and just be the friends that you have become.
2007-12-26 06:03:40 · answer #4 · answered by Mark A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a open relationship... more or less. They can sometimes work but mostly don't over the long run. It depends how secure you are in your mind. There is no reason you could not date if you wanted to. Ask him how he would feel about it. You seem to be okay with him dating. In the long run, do what is best for you and what you are comfortable with and what will make you happy. And it really shouldn't matter what others think... just what you think. Listen to your heart. Luck!
2007-12-26 05:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now you are just having "fun." When you are ready to date and find a real man you will understand that you need to respect yourself a little bit more in order to get a guy that doesn't have petty "friend" rules or other females that he is intimate with other than you. Find a better guy...you really deserve better and a better lifestyle.
2007-12-26 06:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by BlackRepublican 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, why is it that you have all sorts of giudlines to go buy? but umm Mr. man does not, girl face it you need to move on reality is slapping you in the face. this is not healthy for you You are a built in babysitter/Fbubby and that will be what it will be. And you are already seeing that. Now being single is cool and dating, but you have yourself in a little situation. And you have t0 decide if you want to be second best?
2007-12-26 06:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by harley G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dam babe, it sounds like your basically his in home "booty call". This guy is mesing with other women (as you already know) and does not allow you to hang out with his friends, wth?? Set him straight!! Let him know how you feel and if he does not feel the same way you should not give him any sex. Go out a find someone knew. Good luck
2007-12-26 06:10:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You share a bed every night? Well, then I think you need to tell him - either make it exclusive with me or no more.
It may be the thing he needs to hear.
Friends with benefits - good idea but maybe gone a little too far this time!
2007-12-26 06:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by tayhay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds a little one sides to me. I think you should be able to hang out with whomever you want and whenever. What's he afraid of, strange. I think you should date and be able to bring home friends when you want. If he does not accept that, then he is not the friend that you think. Good luck.
2007-12-26 06:02:47 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋