I an unable to be married at this present time in my life due to finances. That’s it money problems, I would be married to my fiancé if it weren’t for money it’s as simple as that. However my fiancé and I love each other very much, are married in our hearts, and would never stray or leave each other. We treat our relationship as though we are married already. We currently do not have sex due to our religious beliefs, but I know we won't be able to marry for a few years. I know in Biblical times, God would see us as married, and we see us as married, though not legally. It's getting so difficult with us and we've been able to withstand from sex for nearly three years. But in my heart I feel it's right, and when I talk to God I hear Him telling me that we are married. And if we are married, why should a married couple abstain from sex, it’s a gift. Can some people who have scriptures and personal experience with this problem please give your opinion.
PS: please nobody just saying “just do it” or “there is no God” just give advice in a polite manner please and thank you.
2007-12-26 05:19:27 · 49 answers · asked by tightest embrace 0:) 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It's not finances as to actually get married, it's being able to support ourselves right now with the jobs we have and going to college at the same time, that is the problem.
2007-12-26 05:26:53 · update #1
No, God is not telling me to have sex, but He is telling me that we are married. But according to everything that I have learned, pre marital sex is wrong under ALL circumstances. That is why I'm confused. If God is telling me I am married, do I really need a legal and "proper" wedding. We have already had a private ceremony between my fiance and I and God promicing that we will be together forever and etc. Is that marriage or does it have to be through a pastor or other religious leader?
2007-12-26 05:36:09 · update #2
We both live with our parents and are going to school. I have just enough money to pay for food and gas. My fiance is currently out of a job. but we are both going to school. We will be able to marry in about 3 more years when I have my degree. I am 20 my fiance is 22.
2007-12-26 06:03:52 · update #3
What a horrible time we live in where financial means can dictate over marriage! Might I suggest what would be called a "common law" marriage. It pretty much means that the two of you take your vows and become as one in the eyes of God, but not in the eyes of Uncle Sam. And let's face it, God's a whole lot more powerful than Uncle Sam! (even though most Americans fear Uncle Sam as much as God!). So look into your lover's eyes tell them you wanna be with them until death parts the two of you. Agree to holy matrimony and the deed shall be done! God does not need signed forms or fancy displays to recognize a holy union of two people in love. Keep your promises to each other, as it also a promise to God. Good luck and God bless you! (you are not sinners for loving each other, God smiles upon you, and I do to).
2007-12-26 05:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by ThinkinDifferently 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Honestly, I have heard that excuse many times, and it does not seem to hold water. If you can survive financially now, not married, you can survive together. The Lord has said through a prophet "I never said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it", when talking about keeping the commandments. As a matter of fact, getting married makes it easier to afford many things, particularly in college since you get more financial aide since you are no longer linked to your parents. It costs very little to actually get married unless you have some preconception that a marriage must be some elaborate show. I don't know what faith you align with, but you should be able to find a priest, bishop, pastor, or whatever to perform the rite for you. While in school, I would encourage you to get a job part time, have your partner do the same and get yourselves through it the best you can. Part time at a retail store is enough to get into reasonable living conditions and student loans can be very helpful.
God has made it clear that sex is to occur only between married people. There are many practical reasons for this and there is the most important reason: God said so. I do not intend to act like I know all, but I would guess that when you hear God telling you that you are married, that is your own strong desire. I applaud your ability to maintain your celebacy this long. My wife and I were also dating 3 years before marrying without breaking the Lord's commandment in this regard. It was difficult, but it was very worth it because we were able to marry in the Temple for time and for all eternity, and our new son, and any that come in the future are born into this eternal family, instead of one that ends tragically when "death [does] you part"
By the way, in the Old Testament, there was marriage, this in not a new idea, nor is it a man made concept. Adam and Eve were married before multiplying and replenishing the earth as were many, many other between then and now.
2007-12-26 05:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by Drew 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you are truly committed and planning to stay together, spring for the $100 dollars or so for a simple legal marriage at city hall, no ceremony, you just pay the fee and sign the papers. Then, when you can afford it later you can have a ceremony and "renew your vows" or "have your marriage blessed" or whatever.
Also, some churches don't even charge for simple ceremony where you do the decorating yourself, and often they will bring a potluck style reception. It might not cost as much as you think. My church does free ceremonies all the time, and if the couple can't afford a reception, the pastor will announce a need for dishes to be delivered to the church at the required time and sign people up to help. Many couples have gotten married with nice ceremonies who otherwise would not have been able to afford it.
EDIT---EDIT-----EDIT
If you can't afford to support yourselves, then definitely do not have sex. What happens if you get pregnant, will you then seek justify an abortion by the Bible? Don't claim that you will use birth control, NO form of birth control is 100% affective, and 1 of my 3 children is proof of that.
2007-12-26 05:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Thrice Blessed 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In the Old Testament it was always a civil ceremony.
When I read about the woman at the well I see that she had been married FIVE times, but was living with a fellow without the benefit of marriage at the time she spoke with Jesus.
This says that marriage is a legal union in the eyes of the
government. In other words, in today's society, we go and get a marriage license (which we purchase from the government)and we stand before someone who has the legal authority to perform a marriage ceremony - whether it is a judge, a Justice of the Peace, or a preacher/pastor. In any case, because the license is purchased from the government, the marriage is a civil union. In other words legal.
Do not let the lack of money become an excuse to sin. We can justify our every action, but God alone knows the heart.
2007-12-26 05:28:13 · answer #4 · answered by Belize Missionary 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that many times we put off marriage for stupid reasons. Finances is one of them. I would advise you to just get married. You are engaged and plan on getting married anyway. Your life is not perfect now, but if you wait for it to be perfect before you get married, then you will never get married. If the two of you can afford a modest apartment, even just a studio or one bedroom, then do it. You are going to college, many colleges have dorms for married students- look into that.
It does not sound to me that the finance issue is because you are irresponsible with credit or anything. So just get married and it will all work out.
As for your prayers, sometimes we ask God for what we want and then we are so determined that what we want is right that we don't take the time to really listen to what He is telling us. We have made up our minds, so all we can hear is what we want to hear. I don't believe that God would tell anyone to sin or break commandments. He sees marriage as a holy union through the church and the government. He would not recognize a marriage that is not in conjuction with the local laws. If you are not legally married, then you are not married. That is how it was in the Bible. Maybe study Jewish customs a little more to understand the Bible better on this topic. You will find, that Marriage is actually easier now.
My advice- go get married in a simple ceremony. Live a very modest life as much as possible, save money where you can- don't buy brand names, when it is possible, find a small modest place to live, drive an older car that runs well enough to get you around town, eat out as little as possible. I think if you really want something you will do what it takes to get it. So decide how badly you want to be married. When you start to justify sin, you are headed down the wrong road.
I get how tough it is. I hate it when my fiance goes home at night, I would rather him stay. But we have each made covenants with God, that we hold sacred. We want to please Him and do what is right in His eyes. So as hard as it is, he leaves and goes home- Every night. There are times when it would be more convienient for him to stay- especially this time of year. His drive home takes an hour and on snowy roads, it can take longer. But we are doing what is right and we know it.
Also think of what will happen if you end up unmarried and pregnant. There is only one form of birth control that is always effective- that is abstinence.
Maybe you need to stop asking God to justify this behavior and rather ask him to help you to endure and be able to continue to withstand temptation.
Your situation is why I say that once you have decided to get married, just do it. I am not a fan of lengthy engagements. 3-6 months on an engagement is plenty long enough.
Hang in there- you can do what you know is right.
Edit**
You can always see if you can live with one set of parents until you are finished with school- that is tough, but you will not be breaking commandments. I have known parents to have a garage apartment, or basement apartment or a camp trailer (this gives you privacy) available to their married college kids.
2007-12-26 06:18:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's cheap to get married. In most states, you can get a marriage license and go to your preacher's office and be married for less than $50 easy. Then you can live with his parents or your parents until you are out of school.
IMHO, God doesn't see you as married until you are willing to stand together before Him and everybody else and take vows of marriage together. If you're not willing to take the vows, you aren't married, not even "in your hearts." Even in Biblical times, you had to make the public vows in order to go home as husband & wife and have sex. So wherever you got the whole "in Biblical times, God would see us as married" stuff. That's just not true. You'd be considered BETROTHED, and that means you're DESTINED to be husband and wife, but you don't get the marital privileges (and responsibilitieis) until you say the vows.
God is probably not telling you that you ARE married because you aren't. But He might be telling you that you SHOULD get married because you already feel married (though until you've lived in the same household, you can't possibly know what being married feels like). Again, it's cheap and you can live with either set of parents until you are done with school, so why don't you just do that?
Quit trying to fool yourself. Your 'private ceremony' doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you can't say the vows in front of everybody. In my faith tradition, yes, a pastor has to be part of it because we look at marriage as a three-way covenant between man, woman and God, and the pastor is there as God's servant (or "agent" I guess) to speak His commitment to the marriage. Come on. You KNOW that 'private ceremony' wasn't enough because you didn't have the premarital counseling or the witnesses or the pastoral support.
Some of our good friends married when she was 19 and he was 21. Her mother gave them the upstairs of her house to use as an apartment (bedroom, sitting room, bathroom, kitchenette in one of the old bedrooms) until they were done with school. They've been married 13 years now, just this past week, and they have 4 kids and a big, beautiful home and they are very happy. Why don't you ask your parents if you and your fiance can marry and live with them until you're done with school?
2007-12-26 06:22:23 · answer #6 · answered by sparki777 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I too expect to marry my current boyfriend (we are both Christians) and are abstaining. I know how difficult this is. I am also going to school so I can understand how finances can be tight.
Bottom line is this though, the Bible says its wrong, flat out, undisputed. God wouldn't write one thing and then go ahead and make an exception for you. Its in the Bible that its wrong, no matter how you try and justify it.
Be careful of spiritual warfare. What you think might be God speaking to you might be the devil tempting you, trying to justify a decision you know in your heart is wrong (or else, you would of done it by now).
Also be careful for believing reasons about why not to be married. Financial reasons are, as so many people have pointed out, easy to get around.
Best of luck & Happy New Years!
2007-12-26 06:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by Juicy Fruit 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should elope now and hold a public ceremony later. A marriage license is cheap and your local church would likely do a small service for free.
Well, it's cheaper to live together than apart, I can guarentee you that! It's amazing how little you can live on if you have to! My hubby and I made less than $2000 a month (combined) when we first got married. You found the cheapest tiniest apartment and lived paycheck to paycheck. We were both in college as well. It's always do-able! Really, If you're waiting for your finances to work out you will never be ready because unless you win the lottery, you will always think you don't have enough.
Be brave and take the gamble!
2007-12-26 05:23:30 · answer #8 · answered by Colonel Obvious AM 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Well look the Bible was written for a reason, right?, so if it is the word of God and if it says that you must be married to have sex then it is Gods will that you hold off on sex until you are married, even if it means you never have sex, what if he is testing you by destroying your finances so that you cannot marry so that he will see how strong your commitment to him is and if you are worthy of going to Heaven.
If you believe in God, why are you even asking this question??? I wold have thought that to someone who has actually read the bible, the answer would have been obvious. I'm an Atheist and I should point out that I find you and your question incredibly stupid.
If you ask me nobody is going to heaven when they die, because everyone I have met deviates from the Bible in some way, some more some less, but the point is if God is serious about only letting "obedient servants" into heaven, I don't think anyone qualifies, because you all pick something in the Bible that you ignore so that it suits your personality or life. So if you're already going against God's will even if in a small way, why even bother with the rest? From what I've seen God doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who forgives anything based on how little or small it is, but rather seems all to happy to sentence anyone who disobeys him, even a little, to an eternity in hell.
Go to the store buy a years worth of condoms and have at it for like a week straight.
2007-12-26 05:30:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
Actually, you are incorrect regarding Biblical times. It was far more strict. You were betrothed for a year, just as if you were married, but you would not actually consummate until a year later. (watch The Nativity).
It sounds to me like you are trying to make an excuse for 1) not getting married now and 2) being able to have premarital sex without consequence. Premarital sex is defined in the Bible as "Immorality". The city of Corinth had the great problems with this lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:2-3
...because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
With immorality defined, we can do a search.
http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=immorality&version1=50&searchtype=all
Trying to compromise with sin is sin in and of itself. According to the Bible, if you cannot abstain, you best get married now. And really, since when has God ever been limited by finances? The only thing that stops God from working in your life is lack of faith.
If you decided to be obedient to God's Word, quit college, and get married. Do you really think that God would NOT honor your actions down the road? The only limitations to God is the faith you apply in regard to your free will choice of being obedient or fulfilling the desires of the flesh.
2007-12-26 05:26:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Me and My boyfreind have the same problem. He just asked me to marry him. We actually slip sometimes. I guess we put ourselves in the position. Don't do it though. We feel so bad. Keep yourself pure and holy. Why can't ya'll get married. Get married in your home church. Make a cheap wedding.. I don't have a lot of money. But for some reason i don't think this world is going to be here to much longer and i would really like to enjoy a family and be happy. We just have to remember to put him 1st. (i have a problem with that) He will take care of everything else. Pray about it. He will find a way if it is his will. Me personnaly that is a long time to be with someone and not be married. Ya know what i mean. Maybe God does see ya'll married but i doubt it. LEGALLY BINDED TO ONE ANOTHER! IN JESUS NAME! Ya'll need to go to a church and get married it doesn't have to be fancy. And maybe when ya'll get enough money maybe ya'll could have a another ceromony. It is not about have a fancy wedding. It is about what God wants. Have a good Life and i hope everything works out for you.
2007-12-26 05:35:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋