She complains that she never gets to see us, and that my parents always get to see us. It's obvious why they do, they live in the same town. My mother is my babysitter. She tries to go against our wishes when we let her have the baby for the weekend, and she fed her rice cereal before I could. I wanted to be the one to feed her first, but she doesn't care. She made a big deal about getting her ears pierced, but my mom wanted to get them pierced too. After all this is my mothers first grandchild, while my m-i-l has two already. My mom just let her do it, so I wouldn't have to deal with her crying about it. I'm a passive person so talk ing to her about it won't do any good, I'll end up letting her do whatever she wants. My husband knows how I feel, and he does talk to her, in fact he demands that she listen to us. She doesn't listen to him either. I'm afraid that we are going to have to threaten her with never letting her have the baby again. It's not fair to keep her granddaughter away
2007-12-26 05:09:23 · 17 answers · asked by dala_o_2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
from her, but I haven't got a clue as to what to do!
2007-12-26 05:10:11 · update #1
Thank you to the people who are striving to keep me positive. As for the others that just seem like they need to explain this horrible woman to me, ned to know the whole story about her. She is a control freak, we don't live in her town and it's a hassle for us to go visit, but we make it a point to do it, so she can see our child. The road does run both ways you know. As far as the feeding, the baby is 3 MONTHS! She doesn't need the cereal because she is NOT hungry. She gets plenty of formula. I'm very upset that the one chance that I get to feed my daughter for the very first time solid foods was ruined because she force fed her cereal. She thought it was funny to see my child spit it out and make a face. She three months! I'm terribly sorry for the people who do not have negative answers to have to read this. For those who do, your truly not helping. Thank you.
2007-12-26 05:48:29 · update #2
Yes, your m-i-l is a problem. Good for your husband for backing you up !! Make sure he knows you appreciate his support. Now to the crux of the problem. You may be a passive person, and you may not feel like having any level of "confrontation" but by your failure to stand up for your own rights in a calm, firm, adult manner you may allow this situation to escalate to the point of threats and bans. You need to stand up for yourself for three reasons. Your own self-esteem, your husbands respect and your m-i-l's respect. It will also impact your daughters future relationship with your m-i-l. So sit down with your husband and his mother , take a deep gulp, and proceed to tell her how her actions make you feel. Explain that YOU are the parents and you expect her to respect your decisions and follow the rules you have laid down in regards to your daughter. Tell her that her failure to follow through with these requests may have long term implications on the healthy upbringing of your daughter in that as a child if she see's that grandma doesn't respect Mommy and Daddy's rules then she won't have to either. Children are VERY observant at young ages. Explain to m-i-l that her failure to follow through will force you, as parents, to find "other alternatives" to deal with this lack of respect in order to protect the long term stability of your family. Let her own imagination fill in the blanks as to what "other alternatives" may include. That way you are not forced into making threats and causing things to get ugly. If she requests specifics ask her if she needs to know because she plans on not doing as she has been asked ?
You are not being unreasonable and this matter needs to be put to rest before a pattern of behaviour gets established that becomes very difficult to change.
P.S. Before you go the route of a total ban on visits try only "supervised" visits. Less pain and anger and still makes the point while allowing a channel of communication while the supervised visit is ongoing.
2007-12-26 05:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by d4dave 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and I are in the EXACT same situation. My mother in law throws tantrums and always wants to keep our little boy "alone, without parents (us) there". She even said that she couldn't be a grandmother to the fullest if we were always around. Whatever! We have finally cut her out of our lives because she was too much for us to handle. If she didn't respect our wishes and boundaries with our child, then it's not healthy for our son to be around her. Just don't hang the baby over her head or threaten her with never letting her see the baby. Just tell her that she can see the baby when you are able to come for a visit, and that you can't leave her there because you don't feel comfortable in doing so. If your mil doesn't understand that or respect your wishes, then you may have to stay away from her for a period of time to let her know that you and your husband are in control of the situation. Good luck, I'm in your boat!!!
2007-12-26 06:03:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, she's a control freak and you are passive. It's going to be h*ll on you. You have to change and start speaking up or else this woman is going to walk all over you for the rest of your married life. Decide which issues are important to you, these are the ones that you will raise a big stink on if she does not do things the way you want them done. Let the little stuff go--feeding the cereal to her is a little thing. Stand up to her on the big things--piercing the child's ears is a big thing.
Make sure your hubby backs you up on big items.
As long as you are unwilling to speak up for yourself where this woman is concerned, then she is going to continue to walk all over you. It would then be unfair of you to blow your top and freak out when the final straw happens, then you will just look hysterical and irrational.
Good Luck.
BTW, from what you posted, I don't think your MIL is evil, she's just over enthusiastic. Reign her in woman!
2007-12-26 06:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think the problem has 2 sides 'as many things in life' the good and the bad one, as u said ur m i l already have 2 other granddaughters which makes her aware about baby's needs, and it doesn't matter who feed her what first as long as this will give the baby benefits, believe me u will have time to feed her other things ( think about spaghetti ; ) or ice cream with all the mass it makes ). on the other hands i advice u to do what u feel ok, u dont have to ask 4 permissions 4 anything u do, if u feel it is ok 4 ur baby to have an ears piercing then let it b, some times arguing Leeds to died ends ( believe me it worked ) the reaction wl doesnt long much, while it wl if u argue : )
2007-12-26 05:35:58 · answer #4 · answered by sandy moon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have call display don't answer her calls for a while. Thank heavens your husband is in your corner of supporting what you decisions are as your are very lucky. Speak to you MIL and tell her what you think and if it doesn't sink in then start taking drastic measures of not speaking on the phone, if she wants to come over tell her it isn't convenient, etc. then finally she will get the message. She may then, of course, make you feel guilty and tell you that she doesn't mean anything to you. Stick to your guns and don't bend over to what she wants. This is the best time in your life of having your beautiful daughter in your life of learning all things good and bad. Been there too.
2007-12-26 05:25:35 · answer #5 · answered by Izzy h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get over the "feedding her for the first time" thing, as that's not important.
You're post is unclear, but I gather that it's not your mother who's done all these things, but the MiL.
Take your daughter for ocessional visits, but don't leave her with the MiL.
Invite the MiL over now and then to visit with the whole family.
If she asks why she doesn't get to see your daughter alone, explain that she doesn't respect your wishes, and that you are the parents and have to do what you think is right.
Be polite and distant, and deal with her as little as possible.
2007-12-26 07:12:09 · answer #6 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's good that you have a supporting husband, considering he is the father and taking responsibility to stand up to his mother is courageous and applauded.
it sounds like your MIL is not respectful to you or the fathers wishes, and it's a shame to somewhat have to use the child as a pawn (so to speak) to prove your point to her. most importantly it is about the safety about the child today, and in the future. You are doing the correct thing. If she wants to see the child on your terms, I would let her have supervised visits at your home only, until she can start to respect her grandchild's parents wishes.
2007-12-26 06:56:23 · answer #7 · answered by benejueves 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the mother in law from Hell but I explained, to her that the visits are with me present. I think that if she want to see her grandchild and she can not follow the rules then no visit to her.Since your husband se and cooperates with your decision that is a plus. Mines did not but that is another story. Do not get stressed out by her, you have you rules for what can and can not be do to your child. You stick to how you want your child raised and that is that.
2007-12-26 05:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by nayred 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being rather one sided about this........
granted, you've known your mother all your life, you live close to her, and she sees the baby all the time.
You MIL may already have 2 other grand kids, but maybe she enjoys seeing the new one.
And does feeding the baby first and ear piercing really relevant?
You have your baby all the time. Your mom has your baby around a lot.
So who cares if your daughter has another grandmother that enjoys spoiling her?
2007-12-26 05:38:53 · answer #9 · answered by Ella 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Dont be so passive then. It is your child and at some point you are going to have to deal with others that are as big of a pain in the butt as your MIL...
Learn how to deal with the difficult person now so that you will have the skills to do it later on too.
You are a mom now... act like it... LOL. (my tough speech)
2007-12-26 05:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋