Why does my uppity aunt want to tell me what brand of something to bring when having dinner at her house?

Question

This annoys the **** out of me and it is to the point to where I may stop going to her house for dinner. We usually have Thanksgiving and Christmas at my aunt's house, and everybody is responsible for bringing some sort of dish or contributing to the dinner. The family loves my potato salad so I always bring that along with napkins, plates, plastic ware, ice and beverages. Sometimes I will buy a ham and ask my aunt to cook it or cook it myself.

For Thanksgiving I brought a ham and they didn't like it because it was a "cheap" picnic ham. I personally like picnic ham. That's what I was raised on. They claim "cheap" hams are too salty. Whenever I buy soda I know it has to be name brand otherwise they'll talk about that. The sad thing is some of the off-brand sodas taste like the name brand sodas. My aunt prefers Vanity Fair napkins so she expects me to spend the money on those. I think a napkin is a napkin, especially if you're not having anything fancy.

I mean I have certain things that I don't like off-brand like tennis shoes. I also prefer name cereal, just because that's what I am used to eating. But I am not too good to eat off-brand and will if I have to. When somebody else is buying can you be picky? As a matter of fact, all of my aunts are like this in one way or another. My mom is the only one who isn't caught up in all that.

Answer 1

That's funny, because a lot of time the off brands and generic versions of food products are all packaged/produced at the same facility! Have you ever noticed that when there is a recall for a meat or chicken item, it often covers many brand names? That is because, for example, Perdue and that generic brand may get their chickens from the same farm. So why is Perdue better? It isn't....they just put more money into marketing their products.

If you are asked to bring something to a meal, you should be able to choose what brand you buy. If they are asking for certain brands, I'd simple tell them that you may not be able to get that particular brand because of expense or convenience. I agree that it might be better to bring a dish to pass, and then you can put whatever brands/ingredients you want in it! Find something you like to make that turns out very good and bring that along!

Good luck!
Maria

Answer 2

It's true that the name-brand products sometimes taste better than the off-brand products, but that is not necessarily true of all items. But it does seem a little demanding for your aunt to ask you to bring food to her party and then tell you what brand to bring as well. It makes me wonder what your aunt is providing since you're providing the ham, the potato salad, and all the dishware.

In the future, I suppose the best way is just to make an understanding with your aunt. At some other time when tempers aren't high, tell your aunt that your feelings have been hurt when she criticized the items that you brought to her dinner. You can even explain to her that you don't really have the money to buy the more expensive items, if that is true. Maybe you can make arrangements for her to contribute money to help you purchase the items she would like, or maybe you can make arrangements that you will just bring non-bought items (like potato salad) from now on.

Answer 3

The picnic, or cheaper, hams are saltier, and just like you like the taste of name brand cereal, some people like the taste of name brand soda. Also, the name brand napkins tend to be better quality and don't shred apart the first time you use them. I would think that she does have a valid argument in the way of the ham(especially when you are buying it for her to cook it) and the napkins because of quality issues, but maybe not the sodas. When you are taking stuff to pot luck style dinners, you aren't taking the dish for yourself, you are taking it for everyone else to eat, so you do have to take their tastes and expectations into consideration, not just your own.

Not condoning your aunt's actions, just trying to give you a different perspective on it.

Answer 4

Is your aunt independently wealthy or something? I guess I just come from a long line of cheap people, because we all use mostly off brand things, but will prefer some name-brand stuff.

If you bring the same stuff every year, maybe you can catch the napkins and soda when they go on sale during the year and, that way, get them much cheaper. I know, that's probably not your point, there is the principle involved, but maybe if you can get it cheaper it will be easier for you to swallow. The fact of the matter is that your aunts are pretty much who they are going to be; there's not going to be very much in the way of character change for them. Just be glad you got the good sister for your mom!

Answer 5

This is a tough question. It's true that some of the less expensive items can be unsavory: for example, I can understand the concern about a ham being too salty... especially for older folks who are concerned about salt intake. I can also understand your concerns for economy and that there might be a limit to what you can spend. Perhaps you and Auntie need to meet somewhere in the middle. For example, the next time Auntie says "Make sure it's one of the more expensive hams without all the salt" perhaps you can say "Sure thing, Auntie, as long as you realize that I won't be able to pay for napkins, plates, and utensils too." It sounds like you're trying to take on more than you should and if you focus on just one or two items, everyone will be happier for it.

Answer 6

Your question makes me wonder if your aunt was somewhat poor when she was growing up and it trying to soothe old wounds.

Sure Vanity Fair napkins are the nice ones but they are still made out of paper. After you wipe your hands and mouth on them and they go in the trash. Maybe she has money to just throw away but tell her you don't.

With some people you just can't win. Just bring the potato salad next year or better yet stay home with your husband and have a relaxing meal without any hassles.

(I think you posted about your JW husband earlier - my apologies if it wasn't you.)

Answer 7

End the stress by giving in to people when it doesn't matter. Save your energy for the times you need it.
Decide what you're planning to bring, and phone your aunt. "I'll get napkins and drinks. Do you care what brand?" If she says she prefers a certain brand, get that kind. If the fancy label cuts into your budget, then take fewer items.
Do that with everything, every time. Bending to their attitudes will cost you a only few minutes but save you a ton of tension.

Answer 8

Bring the brands that you want to bring and the next time they say anything about it reply back, well if you don't like the product that I brought you can go ahead and use your product and I would be more than happy to take my contribution home with me to use in my home. If she says well I don't have that product in my home to use today, say well it looks like mine will work fine then for this occasion and stop your whining. Put them in their place, if you don't have the extra funds to buy the name brand napkins buy the generics and let them know you would not spend $5 for a bag of napkins when you could buy the same napkins to wipe your crap off your face for $1, as long as it gets the job done what does it matter. Happy Holidays and good luck to you in this difficult situation.

Answer 9

If your aunt wants a certain item that is expensive she should furnish it....as far as I am concerned I bring what I can afford to bring....if you don't like it don't eat it, use it ,etc. Not all of us, even though we are in the same family, have the money nor inclination to spend our money on items we can not afford...next time they say you brought cheap ham (or whatever else you bring), say "oh sorry you did not enjoy it, next time you can furnish it" and smile at them.

Answer 10

Take what you can afford and if she says something tell her that was all you could afford, but if she wants something different next time tell her you will bake/cook it if she buys it but you cannot afford to buy name brand. Tell her you thought the whole idea of having a holiday dinner was being together with all the family, you didn't know it was about food.