My husband is a Jehovah’s Witness and they do not celebrate birthdays or holidays. I informed my immediate family of this prior to us getting married. We have been married for almost 3 ½ years and my family still asks the same question over and over and I am sick of it. They know other people of this religion and they respect them but for some odd reason they want to pick at my husband. This is especially a problem with my aunts and my mother. It’s almost like I hate for the major holidays to roll around because I know they’re going to ask if he’s coming to dinner or why he didn’t come to dinner. They call me way in advance to ask whether or not he’ll be attending and it’s only to meddle.
2007-12-26 03:52:10 · 18 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yesterday, my aunt called first thing and said Merry Christmas then she wanted to know if my husband was coming to dinner. That was the first thing out of her mouth. I politely told her no and she asked why. This is what they do every single year, but especially her. I came unglued at that point. I said because he doesn’t celebrate and she cut me off and said he doesn’t have to he can come be with us. I cut her off and said I’m not his mother so I don’t control what he does. She kept trying to argue with me and I told her “He doesn’t celebrate and I’m not going to keep telling you all the same thing every single year”. After that she kind of backed down because she saw a side of me that she’d never saw before.
2007-12-26 03:52:25 · update #1
Not even 20 minutes later I got a call from my mom. She was beating around the bush (as usual) asking where my husband was. I told her he was at the store. She asked if he was going. I said “Going where?”. Then she played like she forgot and changed the subject. Then I repeated “Going where?”. Then she said “Nevermind. You’re just waiting for someone to ask that”. What I don’t get is why they care. My mom lives in another state. My aunt has a grandson and great-grandchildren who NEVER show up to family functions. None of my first cousins ever show up. Why are they so worried about my husband whom is not even blood family? As far as I’m concerned it’s not their business.
Was I wrong to go off on them yesterday?
2007-12-26 03:52:38 · update #2
The aunt I referred to is 68. My mom is 55. But all of my family does this with the exception of my brother. My grandmother is 90 so I can understand she may not remember, but the others remember even though they claim they don't. The reason I know they remember is because they call me exclusively to find out if he's coming to dinner.
2007-12-26 03:52:51 · update #3
People - Please read the question completely. I do still celebrate. He doesn't try to stop me from celebrating. It's HIM that doesn't participate.
2007-12-26 04:18:29 · update #4
No your husband is not forcing his beliefs upon anyone. They are forcing themselves on him. The man does not celebrate holidays and bdays. that is his decision. His religion. They must respect that. if they want him to have dinner with them so bad invite him over just to have dinner. not for christmas or thanksgiving. If he was forcing his religion on them he would be like I'm a Jehovah's witness and you should be too! or something like that. i think that is easy to remember if my own daughter or niece's husband doesn't celebrate holidays... how can you not remember once the holidays come around. and if they forgot, the holidays would be the very thing that reminded them. Who is forcing who here? i don't think you were wrong at all. I think they are being rude and disrespectful to you and your husband and to you. You chose to marry and accept him into your life and they should respect that. I'm sure the man believes in eating, it doesn't have to be a holiday for them to break bread together.
2007-12-26 04:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by 15 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry they keep on you about him like that!
I am a teacher, and I know that when the class celebrates things like Easter and Christmas and Halloween, the kids who are Jehovah's Witness need to stay away. Why? Because it's actually really disrespectful to expect them to sit there and watch this thing they believe is sacreligious going on. After you've calmed down (I'm sure you already have, you seem very level-headed) you can tell your family that if they want to see more of your husband they should invite you two over on non-holidays for get-togethers that he can enjoy respectfully. But go easy on them if you have any patience left--I don't think I'd have any, however!--because they sound just like my folks. If they don't get it now, they may never, however much you love them.
Good luck! And give your husband a big hug from all of us who understand!
2007-12-26 12:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by vintner 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is great you are standing up for your husband. No one should be forced to be in a place that makes them uncomfortable. Whether it was his religion or personal choice not to go, then they should accept that. You are nicer than me because I would have reacted rudely years ago. He doesn't call them and ask them why they celebrate the holidays so they should have the same respect. If they continue then you guys should turn the tables and ask them to join you in not celebrating the holidays. Maybe they would get the hint.
2007-12-26 12:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by 사파이어 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would do my best to ignore them. I know it will be hard but why let them upset you..They knew all of this before you married him and you've been together for over 3 yrs..They need to leave you alone. You handled it a lot better than I would've..I have a very short fuse when it comes to things like that..Maybe you could compromise and have a dinner all together on a different day..That way it would just be a family dinner without any holiday implications. Good Luck
2007-12-26 12:03:58 · answer #4 · answered by spldharleymom 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i assume you are or were at one point in your life celibrated xmas?? if so your family don't understand why you would toss it for one guy they don't know that you don't celibrate any more even more so when you say stuff like HE don't do that!
Instead try saying WE don't do that!
nothing wrong with eating dinner with family it is what you make of it! just because3 you go to a christmas dinner that don't change what relgion you are!
open up as a family member instead of a christmas friend!
and you will have to explain this EVERY year it's your mom and your aunt! they always will bug you8 about it!
so why not attend for the food and just general blessing to the family! you don't have attend prayer or church or even say grace just dig in and eat!
if you really want to never be called on then go and make sure your presences is well known comment about e3verything!
2007-12-26 12:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Actually, I don't and I am usually really critical when it comes to dealing with elders.
I do believe there is a way to say anything but I think that you handled the situation appropriately. Showing a side that had not been seen before sent a message a loud and clear. Hopefully you will not get the same phone calls next year.
2007-12-26 12:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by jerzybuckeye 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The people being disrespectful are those in your family that keep asking. It wouldn't hurt him, however, to not ask you to give up what you grew up with, and attend these family functions with you. I would tend to feel that your family misses you, and wants to see you during these festivities. Let's turn this around a bit and use the illustration of my having a wife who was raised as a Jew, but has become a Christian. Her family still accepts her, which might be rare, but lets Say they do, but are always asking if I am coming to their various celebrations, which she grew up doing with them. For my part, there would be no issue, we would be there together to celebrate with them because I would not allow our way of life to interfere with her family, and what she grew up with.
I think both sides need to accommodate each other, it wouldn't hurt him, and they could use a bit more tolerance towards him. Both sides need to give in to each other.
2007-12-26 12:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they like your husband a lot, they like to be around him for some reason.
Try to explain them for the last time that you are not going to celebrate holidays, and ask them to respect his decission.
When they call you to ask, keep telling them you are not going, someday they'll get the hint and stop annoying you. Talk to your husband so he can tell them directly he's not going.
2007-12-26 12:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by carlosdavid 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I feel that your relatives are correct. Just because he does not celebrate the holiday season does not mean he cannot come and eat dinner with the family. He could come and not participate in prayer (just sit politely).
How often do they see him? If it isn't often, then perhaps that is why they want him to come? If its often, then I could see why you went off the handle.
I do not know your family, so I'm only going off of what you state here in your question.
Are any of the "other people" that they know of of this religion related to them in any way? If not, you are comparing apples and oranges.
2007-12-26 12:02:59 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
My husband is Jewish. And my family and friends still ask him to Christmas events. Just because your husband is a different religion doesn't mean the two of you can't spend time with your family. Most people don't even go to church for Christmas. Most people just use Christmas as an excuse to be with their families. I could understand if they were forcing their religion on him. Like asking him over and over to go to Church or to pray with them. But it sounds like they just want to spend time with you two. And their just using Christmas as an excuse to invite you two over.
Like I said my husband is Jewish whenever I talk to his family around the holidays. I just say have a happy holiday. When I buy Christmas cards. I buy ones that say happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas, just for his family.
I think you over reacted.
2007-12-26 12:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by Chiggy Nugget 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋