This all happened on Christmas. He denied and left. Then came back and admitted the truth. He swore it was the first time and that he didn't actually follow through by peeping. But that he was going to. He also said that he would never sexually harm her. I do believe that he wouldn't molest her. The fact that he would make an attempt to look in on her disgusts me. I told him to never come back until he gets help. He needs help. So he called a counseling place and is going to get help. He has porn addiction and so I think this is all related to that. My daughter isn't scared of him or even mad. But my other daughter thinks he's a creep. I am very angry. I wanted to beat the tar out of him. Any advice in where to go from here? I don't think the police can do anything since he didn't molest her. What makes this really hard is that I work with him. Do I date him to help him during this counseling? Do I avoid all contact? I want him to get help more than anything.
2007-12-26 03:15:12 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Don't come back until you get help? How about don't come back or I'll have you arrested, you piece of **** pedophile.
2007-12-26 03:19:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Your job as a mom is to protect and nourish that child. This boyfriend lied first off and then came back and admitted the issue. This says to me that he either has parts of his life that he blacks out of and then later remember, or that he thought he could get away with lying. I do not beleive for one second that this is the first time he ever spied on someone in the bathroom. He had to have thought about doing it before actually doing it.... So maybe this is the first time that his body has acted on what his mind has been considering. So honesty is the first issue.
He has a problem with porn. That is the second issue.
The third issue is that he spied on your daughter while your daughter felt she was in a safe, private place in a part of the house where culturally we should be alotted privacy.
I would call the police and fill out a report even if the police cannot do anything...At least you have taken legal steps to protect your daughter. Voyerism is a crime. I would not continue seeing this person. It is nice that you want him to get help...but he needs to do this on his own (dating a person to get him to counseling rarely works)or maybe get court ordered because you are going to do the right thing and fill out a police report. As far as having to work with him...Keep all conversations work related. Protect your daughter. I do not care if she says to you that she is not scared of him , but she does think he is a creep...So that little voice inside of her is telling her that this is not a safe situation. . This is an adult issue. You need to be the adult.
I also realize that this is an overwhelming issue and I appreciate the emotional strain you must be having.
2007-12-26 03:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by Pearson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OUT OUT OUT, There is no second chance when your child is put at risk. Your daughter must be the one you show concern for. Even if you have deep love for this guy, he has abused your trust.
The other side of the coin is, if you didn't catch him what might of happened? Another question that needs answering is will he now go on to someone else and perhaps commit a serious crime against a young child?
I think if I was in your position I would seek professional help, perhaps from your GP / MD or Social Services / Mental Health Service.
The good thing is that your daughter and yourself are talking about it.
A similar thing happened in my family with a family friend, my then wife made all the excusses for this creep. He walked into my ex's bedroom whilst she was changing, she asked him "what are you doing in my bedroom" he said "it's allright you haven't got anything I haven't seen before".
My daughter made claims about this guy when he took her swimming, we thougth he was alright because he was an elder of our church.
I believed my daughter and said I didn't want this guy alone with my children in fact I didn't want him in the house. My ex said that it was all innocent and she didn't believe our daughter.
For many years my daughter was having nightmares and self-harm attempts, but my ex still wouldn't believe her. Well after about 12 years of this pain, my daughter aged 25 last February took her life. I put part of the reason down to that creep and the fact that her own mother wouldn't believe her.
I can only sit here in total pain tears streaming down my face, thinking there are so many creeps out there. Parents always believe your children, if for some reason they are telling lies.... it is just that a REASON, search with them to find that reason.
I do hope you and your family will work this through and realise blood is thicker than water, it might be hard losing a relationship, but it's far harder losing a child.
Best wishes for 2008
With Love
Ray H
2007-12-26 03:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by Ray H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get him out of your house. Like you said he needs help and you and your daughters need to be away from him. You are angry (and by rights you should be) he has violated your trust in him.
There is an outside chance he did something stupid and had no intention of hurting your daughter but there is no way you can tell for sure so it wise to think the worse until proven wrong.
There has to be physical separation between your family and him until this comes to a conclusion. If you still care for him and feel there is any possible chance for his redemption then you can remain in contact with him but first and foremost you need to protect your children. Keep him at arms length, you can give him hope but he has to earn your trust again otherwise you put your children and your relationship at risk.
Definitely don't date him, he has to go through counseling first and maybe you can go with him at least once or twice. You can give support and also check out the program and be sure the counselor isn't ineffective or a quack. But do this only if your BF is worth it.
If the relationship isn't worth saving then change your locks and tell him if he ever comes around your play again you will make him regret it.
2007-12-26 03:35:40 · answer #4 · answered by brianjames04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call the police immediately. He can be charged for that.
You don't think he'd ever sexually molest her? You also didn't think he'd peep in on her, either. Suppose something happens and you did nothing? You have an obligation as a parent to report it.
Don't worry about getting him help. He has a paraphilia, which have a low response rate to treatment. It's behavioral more than anything else. Treatment doesn't work.
And why are you more concerned about HIM than the safety of your children? Get rid of the asshole.
How do you know he's never done it before? Or to anyone else? You're crazy to even think about continuing to date him.
2007-12-26 07:35:42 · answer #5 · answered by Emily J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you're mad, this means you obviously recognize a problem and know that something is really really wrong with this picture.
Your other daughter has reasons to think he's a creep. Haven't you wondered why?
Kick him out of your life and get a restraining order so he can't come near you or you children. Don't date him. Why would you want to? You want him to get help and that's great, but your children's welfare comes first. Stay away from him.
2007-12-26 03:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by Chief High Commander, UAN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your number one priority is protecting your daughter. How many times do you see in the news that it is the boy friend who ends up abusing, hurting or even killing the girlfriends child. If your daughter thinks he is a creep, go with that. If you continue to date him, you are saying that he is more important than her and her privacy. This really is an unforgivable act. He may be a porn addict (why you would date someone like that?) but his addiction has escalated to peeping on your daughter. Be a good mom....be her Mom...not his girlfriend. He is a big boy and can survive...your daughter needs you. His crime is just that a crime...it will get worse. I promise you. Protect your daughter.
2007-12-26 03:23:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
stab him wit a knife and watch his guts come out and listin to him beg for mercy mywife has an answer to that thats just what i would do he is a *** whole. I think that ur crazy 4 thinkin' he won't molest her u obviously didn't think he would spy on ur daughter in the bathroom did u?? no so y would u believe he wouldn't touch her my advice leave him and get a restraining order bcuz' ppl that r about to do something like that they never change they might not do it but they always still have the urges trust me that won't change.
2007-12-26 03:35:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't believe he wouldn't molest. If he would peek intentionally (we all can accidentally walk in on someone) then he would molest. It was in his mind to do so. You should not let him come back ever. Where to go from here, is find a new boyfriend. Seriously. If you let him back in the house your daughters are in danger. Dating him will NOT be helpful to him in any way. It is over. Thank God right now that you caught him before he made his move. And don't believe he never did it before. It is a pattern that I have seen over and over again. Please love your daughters enough to leave this man alone permanently.
2007-12-26 03:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by CB 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
He needs help, definately. He said he'd never sexually harm them. Do you really want to find out if he would or not? Are you willing to put your daughters at risk? Is he that special and wonderful that you are willing to trade your daughters innocence to be with him?
Do you honestly want to be with a man who is addicted to porn and wants to look at young girls?
Personally, I would encourage him to go to counseling, then from there- let him move on to another woman. I wouldnt want a man with his problems around my children, or me
2007-12-26 03:33:52 · answer #10 · answered by Dottie928 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can get arrested for being a peeping tom.
I wouldn't believe him about it being the first time. I would get him as far away from me and my child as physically possible. I would never want contact with him again and if he came near me or my daughter, he would get arrested right away.
He does need help.
Anyone in counseling should not date. That is something MY counselor told me.
NEVER DATE ANYONE YOU WORK WITH!!! Geez didn't your mom teach you anything? Or your HR department at your work? You could get fired for dating him! Just stop dating him!
2007-12-26 03:18:48 · answer #11 · answered by Malina 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋