Do you get along with your daughter in law?

Question

My daughter in law is bi-polar and screams and cusses worse than any sailor at my grandkids,4 and 6 and it is getting worse. If she does this when I am around..it makes me wonder what she does when I am not. My son is at his wits end trying to help her stop being this way. Medication doesn't help. My son is now filing for sole custody of the kids but will have to prove her unfit, but she acts so sweet and innocent when she is around other people. But she is a monster at home, literally. I am sick thinking what this is doing to my grandchildren. I have tried to stay out of it and mind my own business...Please tell me what to do!!

I feel it is my place to do something but don't know what in fear of making things worse or having the kids being put in a foster home.

I have spent the last 4 years(she was a fairly good mother the first two years of my grandson's life but has continually gotten worse) trying to mediate and talk rationally with her. She alway says "I know I am doing wrong and will try to do better" but she doesn't.

Answer 1

This IS your business and you are correct. Continue to do whatever you can - it's your duty to protect those kids from her madness.

"Bi-polar" is NOT an excuse for her, either.

ANSWER TO DETAIL: Tidbit, in answer to "what" to do, get in her face and tell her how she's destroying them number one, and then throw yourself between her the kids if necessary. You might want to try talking to her when she's in a calm state, but it's questionable how much good it will do.

Then, possibly follow the recommendation below or do other things to gather evidence.

If you report to the Child Protective Services agency, you'll probably find that making the first move has a lot of clout, both presently and later on during a custody hearing or whatever.

Answer 2

If she's bipolar and isn't medicated, then he should have no problem getting sole custody of the children.

She's very ill and if she isn't taking her meds or hasn't been given the proper meds in the proper dosage, then she has no control over her actions and can't be reasoned with.

The best thing you can do, is to educate yourself about manic depression (I recommend The Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison or the Bipolar Survival guide by David J Milkowitz) so that you are able to help your grandchildren.

If she hasn't had an official diagnosis of Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder then you need to tell your son that he needs for his lawyer to demand that she be screened for manic depression and that it be required for her to be properly medicated before she is allowed unsupervised visitiation with the children. This can be done. One of my neighbors has it in her custody papers that her ex must be on his medication before he is allowed contact with the children. I also worked with a man who is bipolar and he had the same thing written into his custody agreement--(he also had a stipulation in his work contract that he had to keep on his medication as a condition of employement, but that's a whole other issue).

Often times those who suffer from manic depression think that they can get off of their meds when they feel better and they stop taking them. Manic depression is a permanent inbalance of chemicals in the brain and they have to medicate for the rest of their lives. As long as they are on a good medication program, they are highly functioning and you would never know there is anything wrong with them.

Answer 3

I agree with Joe C. It is your business. Support your son in his efforts to get custody. There are many good online websites to help understand bi-polar. Pray for her and the grandkids. The kids are in a very dangerous environment for their emotional and mental well-being. God bless!

Answer 4

See if you can secretly tape her when she goes off. You are a witness to her actions also. The 6 year old is also old enough to tell the judge about how she acts.

I get along very well with my daughter in law. As a matter of fact I am sad because they are getting divorce.