Why won't he propose already?

Question

We have been dating for almost 4 years now. We have discussed it in length. He said he wants to wait until we are more financially stable, but we are already living together. I thought that Christmas would be the day. I really wanted a mixer, but I told him that if he is going to spend that much money, he might as well buy a ring. The mixer can wait and isn't that important. I woke up christmas morning and there, under the tree, was the freakin' mixer. My heart sank. I don't know how to approach him about it because I honestly thought that the matter was settled. No mixer, get ring! We've been living together for almost a year now. Did I make the wrong choice moving in together? Will he ever marry me? I told him that I don't want to wait YEARS. My goal is to be married by the time i'm 25, which is next year...I'm very heart broken right now and I just don't know what to do. I know he loves me, but does he want to be with me? He says yes, but his actions say no...

Answer 1

I don't think there's any point in stewing over whether you made the right decision to move in with him: for better or for worse, it's made, so you have to deal with what the situation is now. Communication is the key to a good marriage, so as hurt and confused as you are, you do need to talk to him about how you're feeling, and hear out what he's thinking. If you feel like you're just getting the same old "not right now" line, then you can start evaluating the absolute limit of your patience. I'd urge you not to base it on something as arbitrary as age, but it has to be your decision.

Then again, you never know. Maybe he's saving the ring for New Year's and bought the mixer to throw you off track. Either way, talk to him.

Answer 2

Again I seem to say the same thing over and over, and it's the same as everyone else who is married says. Why get married if he is getting everything he wants now? He has you there helping with the finances, he has you there when he gets frisky, he has you there when he needs a meal cooked, he has you to share the cleaning. If you want to get married, move out. Don't be a drama queen and make a big production out of it. Just wait till he is at work, take only your clothes and valuables (leave the mixer) and get out. Leave a small note saying you are having second thoughts whether he is mature enough for a relationship. DON"T LEAVE A NOVEL! The idea is to floor him with "I didn't see this coming" thoughts swimming in his head.

Note: this can go very wrong too. If he is a schmuck, he may be happy to be rid of you. This alone will tell you that you have made the right choice to leave. If there is any true feelings for you he will be at your doorstep 20 minutes after reading the note. (with ring in hand)

If he is happy to be rid of you, then next time don't be so freaking forceful in wanting marriage, and don't move in without a ring. Guys only resort to proposing when there is competition for your heart. Get out date other guys. And personally I would forget about this one.

Answer 3

HI...honestly if u had asked if its okay to move in with ur bf ?? theni would ahve said No. But anways now that its been like 1 yrs and url haven known each other for the past 4 yrs....its quite normal for u to think abt marraige! The mixer thing sure has hurt ur feelings. Y dont u try talking to him again abt it..but in a nicer way..maybe during some quiet time. u just tell him...how u felt when u saw the mixer that u felt crushed!! ok. coz url know each other well now right so u can be open with ur feelings toward him! also was he waiting a long time to get the mixer? Was that somthing he longed for a long time?? If he sis to save money for the future then he has to obviously stop buying expensive things. Maybe he just forgot abt it when his eyes met the mixer heh he..so giv ehim some more time. Just dont get upset and spoil this lovley week bcoz of the mixer...ok. DOnt let ur emotions take over u! then uw ill fel even worse and start distrusing him. U have time for marriage dont worry. sometimes we too have to check ourselves a bit and see where we have faulted. no body is perfect. Im sure he will propose to u at the right time okay. Talk abt marraige and life beyond it..find out how he feels abt it..and abt family life!! From that u can see if he is really looking forward to a marraige life okay! Check his gstures and his words when he talks abt marraige. and u just tel him that ur desire is the get maried next yr. I hope he will think abt it..and al the bst to u....
his action did seem a bit selfish but...like i said nobody is perfect.....but i dont think we cannot prove that wut he did was to show u he didnt want to be with u.....
if u say he loves u then y wont he wanna be with u? right? so dont worry. at teh right time things will turn out to be fine for u ok. marraige is a serious thing....its a life thing. so give it more time..it wil be best.
TC

Answer 4

Patience is a virtue. Rushing into it wont get it. Why have a time limit on life. Married by 25 child by 26. Let it happen as it will happen. You cant make things go as fast as you want. Im sure he loves you but now may not be the right time for him. Due to other reasons also. SO relax on it and enjoy the relationship as it is for now. Ive been with myne for 3yrs and he hasnt asked me yet. I can wait.. Im in no hurry cuz when he does whoa what a day that will be...( Yep we live together)

Answer 5

Sorry to start out by saying, no he is not the one for you .Just because you think that he might be the right one he might need just a little different type or something breathing. Frankly i really don't think you two are right.It seems like you are rushing him into this so call marriage. You will not be happy. He's has showed you that he not ready for a life with you .move on are stop pushing.

Answer 6

First of all, you set yourself up for disappointment when you set arbitrary goals like "I want to be married by the time I'm 25". You have to be flexible. Thats said, this Dude isn't into getting married. If thats not okay for you, than you need to set a deadline, say Valentines Day, and say, either the rings here or I'm gone. And then you need to stick to it. No more hinting around.

Answer 7

Probably because he has everything he wants now, why tie himself down for no reason? Of course he wants to be with you, at least for now, and you only think he loves you. Being financially stable is important, but if you are already living together, you have apparently already reached that point, so that is not a good argument anymore. Sounds like he is committment phobic.

Answer 8

Don't let him off the hook...tell him you need to get married or move on...We men are stupid like that and don't take hints. My wife called me out 14 years ago, I was clueless about her feelings till she told me its time to wed or move on(not that nicely) I made the same mistake just not with a mixer, she was heartbroken. I am still paying for that stupid vacuum (hear about it every Christmas)
Good Luck!
Merry Christmas

Answer 9

Well, first of all ... it is wrong for you to choose to live in with him before marriage. Perhaps you should tell him how you feel ... let him know how sad you are. You know, why do couples failed in relationship ? Not being frank ... is the main cause. Perhaps you should try not to live with him for a while but before you do that, tell him how you feel, ok ? Be strong and don't give up hopes ... Most importantly, marriage is a giant step in life ... so make sure you will not regret ...

Answer 10

He probably wants it to be a surprise and doesn't want to feel pressured into it. Set a date in your own head for a deadline and don't tell him what it is. If the date comes and no ring, sit him down and explain that if he doesn't already have it bought and is hiding it waiting for the perfect time, you are convinced that he never will. Then leave him.