Becoming celibant?

Question

After long thought and consideration, I have decided I want to become celibant :D

I am in a healthy and loving relationship with a man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with ( I think he is going to propose on New Year's Eve!!) . I know that he will support my decision, but I just don't know how to bring up the topic. The reason I want to become celibant is because I just want to take a break from sex to enjoy other things in life. And I am also at the point where I feel that it is all that we do, so if I become celibant, on our wedding night, it will be somewhat "special".

Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

I know our relationship, and i SAID IN MY QUESTION THAT HE WOULD SUPPORT ME AND BE UNDERSTANDING, I just asked how to BRING UP THE TOPIC TO HIM!

Answer 1

Tell him after his proposal.

Answer 2

I think its healthy to have periods of celibacy in your life, ive had 2,
one lasted for 8yrs and the other 10 yrs you learn so much about the physical workings of your body and you are also emotionally free from the inevitable attachments that come with a sex life will entail, your energy levels and clarity of thinking and power to focus are all boosted when your conserving energy that would have been expelled in sexual frivolity!
it takes a highly evolved person to even try celibacy, this will destroy co-dependence in you and free you as an individual!
then your in a position to choose what you want and free of being compelled by bio-psychological urges, that seem to rule every one s lives these days!
im sceptical about one thing in your case, its ok for a person to decide they wont have sex for awhile, but to impose this on some one else against their will, can cause massive problems. and is unfair to the other person who may be expecting a normal sex life!
good luck and a happy new year!

Answer 3

He's not going to like that, especially because he'll be going from getting it regularly to not at all. Here's what you gotta do to have the best shot of him accepting it, because if he wont go for it then you're gonna have some serious issues.

You've got to sit down with him and in a very well thought out, articular and logical manner, explain to him why you want to be celibate. Don't start the conversation out with "I think we should be celibate". If you start out the conversation with that, he'll shut off immediately.

Start out by explaining the reasons for it one at a time. Get him to agree with the reasons and get his feedback on it. Explain to him that you really love him alot and he means more to you than just about anything else in the world. Explain to him that you really want this relationship to work out and to take the next step. Tell him you're getting concerned that you've stopped growing together emotionally. Explain that and the problems you see growing from it and what you think should happen instead. Tell him the "Other things" you want to explore and enjoy with him. You need to get him to understand all those things and agree to them.

Then you can proceed to tell him how much you love sex with him, what he does that you absolutely love, how you sometimes think about it and crave it until you're with him next time. Tell him some fantasies you want to play out with him in the future. Here, the point is to really assure him that it's not him and it's not sex that you're trying to avoid. This part is critical too because he will be afraid and feeling a couple of things in about a minute or two when you spring celibacy on him. You need to re-affirm that you aren't going to be one of those girls who gets married and all of a sudden doesn't like sex anymore. You have to assure him that he'll be having a very healthy sex life on a regular basis after marriage (maybe even more healthy than now). Don't say it if it's not true, but that 's going to be one of his fears. You also have to reassure him that you aren't making this decision because you don't enjoy sex with him or he's somehow inadequate at it.

After you've alieviated his fears and have assured him that you plan on taking your sex life to a new height after marriage, it's time to tie it all together that you feel the fix to the issues you both agreed you wanted to improve and accomplish is to have this relationship to head to the next level, a path towards engagement and remain celibate until then. Explain that you can't do it alone and you really need his help on this. Tell him this is something you've put a lot of thought into and really feel strongly about it and need his support.

If you can get that, the next thing you will NEED to do is define your limits. The closer you get to sex, the harder it will be to abstain. So things like: No touching under my shirt or pants, no kissing below the neck... That way he doesn't feel rejected when he tries to go farther than you want and you don't put yourselves in positions to feel like you failed in your goals.

Answer 4

Well, I think if he really loves you, he will understand and respect your decision. But from personal experience, that is very trying on a relationship. Unless it becomes a mutual decision.

Answer 5

Thats not a bad idea, in fact i think that when he does ask you to marry him i think you should bring that up to him but let him know why your doing it and that it wil make it a bit more special and passionate on your wedding night!

Answer 6

I think if he really loves you he will try, but if you have been giving it to him already don't expect a him to be too understanding. he might if its just till the wedding night though.

Answer 7

He may not be as understanding as you think. It is hard to put a plate of food in front of someone, then take it away while they are still hungry.

Answer 8

He wont see it your way...Its because you made a choice without considering him...Talk to him and decide something like this together, this will be good practice for when you two are married...

Answer 9

Trust me, he won't go for it.
You are selfish to think he would feel the same way about sex as you do. Don't do that to a guy unless you are fine with him getting it from someone else.