I am 27 and I have been dating my g/f who is 29 for about 2 years. In early November, I told her I wanted to end the relationship because I didn't feel it was going anywhere and I though I was falling out of love with her. She took it REAL hard and so after a lot of begging, pleading, crying, promising, etc, I agreed to give it another chance. Well, things havn't really changed much. It's nothing with her personally, she's a nice girl, I just don't feel the love that I once did and I don't want to keep going in a relationship that I don't think has a future. Anyway, today she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she's 12 weeks preg accedently and she's keeping it. I was planning on breaking up again but after New Years (I was gonna spare her the heartbreak over the holidays) but now I don't know what to do! She's been on the pill the whole time we've been dating so I never thought to wear a condom. Should I stay with her now or not? I can't see myself ever loving her.
2007-12-25 17:05:27 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her? If not, don't stay with her and pretend to be happy for the sake of the fetus.
Be prepared to pay child support for the next 18 years. Also prepare yourself emotionally, spiritually and mentally to be a parent.
Going forward, ALWAYS USE A CONDOM. If the actual failure rate of oral contraceptives was based on how many women who SAID they were on the pill (that means you have to take the pill honey, not "accidently" drop it in the sink or "forget" to take it) and then become pregnant, the pill would have a much higher failure rate.
Good luck.
2007-12-25 17:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by tashaocmd2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, love or not - she is in your life forever now..but look, this is a new day in age. You need to be honest with her --- but still be responsible.
You, her and this kid will always be a 'family' and this is what you must make clear to her at the break-up.. tell her, you want a part in raising your child - not just supporting it... that you want the child to know its father as a father... but that you are not in love with her... and see no future for the two of you as a couple...
But be there as her friend and father to the baby..
Keep in mind that if you go through with the break-up, you responsibility does not end just because you see no future.. Now, I am not psychic but I do see a future --at least 18 years..
So, what is it you are searching for that you could not have with her after 2 years? Is it just maturity - not wanting to settle down? If so, I am here to tell you.... In 10 years, you will want that -- and you will realize 'bliss' is fleeting... no matter who you are with... and if not her, now you both will probably end up with other partners-- which will also be involved with your child... so think about that.
Rather she 'trapped' you or not (and it sounds like maybe she did) but you also took that chance.. and now this new life is created... it does not mean your whole life is over --- it just means it will be different...
Do whatever you need to do to maintain your integrity as a man and father... but you are not stuck with her in a romantic capacity...
2007-12-25 17:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by astutewoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying with a women just because she is carring your child is not a good idea....especially since you guys dont seem to get along all that well.
Its sweet that you did spre here the breakup of not doing it in the holidays.
But at some point you are going to have to tell her that you no longer feel the same way as you used to and even though you are willing to be a supportive father and be involved with your child and the pregnacy ect thats all that you can offer at this time.Tell her you would rather have the child see you as friends than see you not happy together.
She probably isnt going to take this well,specially since she has not in the past and aslo that she is pregant.
I wish the best for you and i hope that if you decide to follow your heart that things are amicable with you and this women for the sake of the child that is involved
2007-12-25 17:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try telling her how you feel again. Try to have a civilized convrosation about how you feel, and how she feels. You guys could also talk of maybe having an abortion. If she's not open to that, as it seems she's not, then maybe you guys should talk about having the baby, and then putting it up for adoption. That way, if you decided on it, you could see the baby on planned days, or not. You guys should look into other possibilites, like splitting the time you have with the child, but it's important that you tell her how you feel. After all, nobody *wants* to live a lie, although many people do. You have to decide in your heart, do you want to be one of those many people?
2007-12-25 17:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well make sure she is first, and if you still feel that way you don't have to be with her because your having a baby, that will only end up hurting your child in the long run. All you have to worry about is being a good father. You can't force love. Just because shes preggers doesn't mean you are stuck with her the rest of your life. Just be there for the child.
2007-12-25 17:13:04 · answer #5 · answered by Rockabilly_Babe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of it if you need to do but man up. If the kid is yours then you have a big responsibility to help her out but not fake that you love her. I would go with her to a doctors appointment first and if you feel that there is no doubt the kid is yours then start planning it out. Break up if you don't like her, it will only get harder if you wait. You need to be there for her though, let her know just because you guys wont be together doesn't mean you wont be there for her and the baby. Try to make it as smooth as possible, she shouldn't stress and either should you. Congratulations.
2007-12-25 17:15:06 · answer #6 · answered by t-cup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could be a reliable, supportive father and chum without being in a romantic dating. in case you reside mutually for the "sake of the toddler" it may open a Pandora's field. no longer in basic terms will you be unhappy, however the baby will %. it up. extra useful to have a wholesome platonic dating with the mummy (which will take awhile, yet isn't impossible) and be there for the baby then to proceed to be in an unhappy placing. reliable luck!
2016-12-18 08:18:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She more than likely was NOT on the pill. A girl will do anything to keep a guy. You just learned a lesson. NEVER trust a girl that is so desperet to stay with a man who says he doesn't love her. Well you owe it to your baby but I would get a test to make sure it is yours. How sad that she would beg for you to take her back. I could never be with someone who was not inlove with me. I would let him go. She may be a manipulater so beware, desperate one usually are. Should have stuck to your guns and left the first time.
2007-12-25 17:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's really really tough. But, the way I look at it--you should never stay with someone just because you would feel bad for leaving them. If you don't love her, you don't love here there's nothing you can do about that. You can't control love so you shouldn't feel bad about it. Sure it'd be hard to leave here, especially now that she has a baby on the way...but it's probably the best for both of you.
2007-12-25 17:14:26 · answer #9 · answered by Love220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if she knew you were going to break up with her its a possiblity she said that just so you would stay with her. The best advice I can give you is find out the truth. Find out if she is or not. If she is and you do not want to be there with her then thats ok. I would try and stay with her. If not make sure you go and get visitation and visit the kid etc. Make sure the kids knows that you are its father etc.
2007-12-25 17:12:16 · answer #10 · answered by Caitlin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋