i have a very loving grandmother who has always showed her grandchildren with kindness, respect and love.
she lives a few hours drive from all of her grandchildren. My brother lives 5hrs drive away from her, and works 7 days a week as well as doing uni for the past 5 years. So he hasn't visited anyone (friends or family) for a few years. He hasn't got much money, and doesn't call anyone very often either. And he hates writing letters.
He's a guy who loves his family and will do anything to help out when he can, but doesn't have regular contact with anyone.
this year, grandmother has told my mother that my brother is not "part of the family" because he didn't visit her this year.
mum explained my brothers life to her, and grandmother said that it wasn't good enough.
Grandmother has not contacted my brother since he left home in 02.. so it goes both ways.
my brother is a little bit hurt, but understands where she is coming from. My mother and father are really struggling with it
2007-12-25 16:39:08 · 10 answers · asked by chilly 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
my mother has been crying about it for 4 days so far.. she is very hurt that grandmother would cut my brother out of the family..
grandmother has never upset anyone before. she is not like that. she is respectful and understanding normally.
how can i help my mother come to terms with grandmothers choices?
also, my mother found my grandparents washing paper plates in the sink the other day, the plates where falling apart in the water and neither seemed to notice. they are in their 80s and i fear they may be developing dementia..
2007-12-25 16:41:22 · update #1
she just got runover by a damn reindeer, what do you expect???
2007-12-25 16:41:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi friend,
I understand your brother being busy in his work. But to not make any contact in 5 years is a little too extreme. Is he so busy that he can't even make a phone call to his already aging grandparents? This is the problem with a lot of people. They are "too busy" in work to even have a decent, normal social life. Your grandma was mean because she was hurt and believe me old people are more sensitive than the young ones because they realize that their time is running out. Every moment is precious to them. Every visit from a love ones is a big deal to them. I don't care how "busy" he is with his work, your brother should set aside a day to visit his grandparents before it's too late. If he can't and still uses his "being busy" as reason, then he deserves being "cut off" from the family.
2007-12-25 17:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by BERNARD C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it IS partly her age. But family contact, REGULAR family contact is important. A short phone call every now and then never hurt anybody, and could probably serve to "repair" the relationship. Your brother can only benefit, because one day he's going to realize that she's not there to contact.
2007-12-25 16:48:19 · answer #3 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family has taken on grandmother's "issue" as if it were their own... when in fact, it's between grandmother and your brother.
Your family needs to attend to their own problems (and im sure they have some and a life to live) and let grandmother and your brother hash it out.....
Your family can't control your brother, and need not make excuses for him, either.
2007-12-25 16:42:43 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One:
Your grandmother may be developing dementia as you have surmised--changes in behavior are a hallmark of this disorder.
Two:
Dementia is not a normal part of aging.
Three:
Your grandmother may cut your brother out of her life and your grandfather's, but she cannot cut him out of your parent's lives or, for that matter, your life.
2007-12-25 16:59:52 · answer #5 · answered by Signor Spaghetti 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have this sort of trouble with my father. I've seen several reports lately about how scientists have discovered that changes in the brain as it ages make the person lose their inhibitions - which can make them lose their temper much faster and forcefully. I'm not an expert, but see these for examples:
http://12.31.13.9/healthyliving/familyhome/aug06agingbrain.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/04/000426075446.htm
Good luck! The best way I've found to deal with it is to keep these changes in mind and work with them, not against them. Patience helps loads as does being willing to apologize first.
2007-12-25 16:46:53 · answer #6 · answered by Blirp 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't worry many old people feel the need that family has to be surrounding them all the time... u just have to find a time for ur brother to visit grandma , because unfortunately her anger will get worst and u don't want her, god forbid, passing away with her upset at him..
good luck and hope things take a better turn...
2007-12-25 16:48:26 · answer #7 · answered by English Wiz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maximum in all hazard Dementia. in all hazard no longer linked to the shingles. Many afflictions can hit the aged, yet you ought to seek for suggestion from the healthcare expert back and enable him understand appropriate to the dementia. now and back, the thoughts is going till now the physique...
2016-10-19 22:34:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple answer, her age.
2007-12-25 16:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ [þæ] ツ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Easy... All you do is punch the knuckle head in the face... SIMPLE!!
2007-12-25 16:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋